My World Is Never Complete Without You
by The Ink Hidden Within
Summary: AU: 6 years ago, Lavi left Kanda, crumbling half of Kanda's world. Now, will Kanda be able to retrieve back his half and save Lavi from his nightmares of humiliation and despair despite Lavi's rejection? Yaoi, rape, angst, gore, major OOCness. Yuvi, Lucky
1. Humiliation, Despair and Loss

Disclaimer: I do **NOT **own DGM (if I did Kanda, Allen and Tyki will be fighting over Lavi to be their lover XD)

Warning: Yaoi, Angst, Lemon, Rape, Torture, OOCness

Remark(s): Just a random angst fanfic coz i'm running out of inspiration for 'Memories aren't Everything' (MaE). No worries, will get back to it as soon as i got the inspiration i need =]

As for this fic, whether I'm continuing or anot will have to depend on the time and inspiration i have. but most probably after this will be concentrating more on MaE

ok, hope you enjoy~~~

**My World Is Never Complete Without You**

Humiliation, Despair and Loss

"_No… I'm begging you… Please… Stop…" he breathed out the words weakly as he shivered and panted heavily, heart beating fast due to the fear, pain and humiliation._

_However, the man above him ignored his pleas as he inserted a third finger into the small entrance of the man below him._

"_Ah! No! Don't!" cried the man below again, tears formed heavily in the green eyes of his. "Some… one… help…"_

"_No one is coming," exclaimed the man above with a smirk. "I told you before, you're mine, Lavi." _

_And with that he pulled out the fingers and positioned his member to thrust it inside the redhead's entrance fully._

"_Ah! Stop! Don't! Ahhh!" Lavi screamed in pain, which only heightened the enjoyment of the man above him. Lavi so wanted to push the man away, but his hands were tied up to the head board on the bed behind him. "Please… don't… Tyki!"_

_The said man then moved his hand to grab Lavi's member, and began pumping it at a fast rate while he began moving himself inside Lavi. He pulled out his member from Lavi's entrance partially, only to thrust back in again, hard._

"_AH! STOP! It… It… It hurts! Ahh!" Lavi screamed at the top of his lungs, begging for the man above him to stop. However, no matter how much he pleaded, how much he screamed, how much he sobbed, the man won't stop._

"_With this, you're mine," Tyki exclaimed as he made his way to Lavi's neck and collarbone to kiss, suck and bite, leaving visible and obvious hickies and bite marks. Blood was beginning to flow from Lavi's neck and entrance due to the torture and humiliation he was receiving from the man above him._

"_No… stop… please… save… me… Yuu!"_

_Lavi called for his lover, but it was all futile._

_

* * *

_

"Lavi, I'm coming in," cried a young man after he knocked on the door. After seconds of silence, the young man sighed and pulled out the key from the pocket and unlocked the door.

"Lavi?" the young man called out when he entered the one-room apartment, only to find a messy environment in the living room and kitchen again. He sighed again, and he placed the food he brought with him on the small table in the living room after clearing some space for it from the mess.

"Lavi, where are you?" the young man called out again, and soon after he heard a sound of running shower from the bathroom. He went up to the door and knocked.

"Lavi, are you in there?" the young man asked, but no reply came. This worried the young man. "Lavi, if you are in there please answer me!" This time the young man was shouting.

Still no reply came. Getting really anxious for the safety of his friend, he began knocking on the door in a faster pace while shouting his friend's name.

"Lavi! Open the door! NOW!" Still no reply came.

'Okay, that's it,' the young man thought as he began to bang onto the door, hard, again while shouting for his friend.

After banging onto the door for five times, the door was knocked opened and he quickly ran into the bathroom to find his friend. But he was not prepared for what he was about to see.

The shower was running.

The bathtub was filled in water.

There was no doubt Lavi was sitting in the bathtub, trying to take a shower.

But the only thing that shouldn't be there was the red colour in the water in the bathtub.

And Lavi was sitting down, staring into space with his eyes void of emotions as one of his hands was moving up and down around the area between his neck and collarbone, scratching the bite mark it had on it till blood was flowing from the wound he created with his nails.

"Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away…" Lavi cried repeatedly and softly as he continued scratching onto the bite marks he had on his neck and shoulder area, unable to feel any physical pain from it.

If there is any pain he could feel right now, that would be the pain of humiliation he received from Tyki from the incident one night before.

The marks of the pain, the humiliation, the insanity, the disgust, and the horrible memories that craved onto his body. He hated them. He just wanted them to go away. Stay away from him. No more.

"Lavi!" the young man cried as he quickly dashed up to the redhead under the shower and grabbed his hands from continuing mutilating himself. "Lavi! Stop it!"

Feeling the touch of another on him, Lavi screamed and pushed his friend away from him, backing away to the edge of the bathtub, his hands clutching tightly to his head.

"Stop! Don't… please… don't touch me! Go away!" Lavi cried out in pain and sorrow and began sobbing loudly. Despite the hot shower, he was shivering.

"Lavi! What happened?" shouted the young man to the redhead.

"Go away!" Lavi screamed as he closed his eyes. "Go away. Go away. Go away!"

"Damn it! LAVI!" the young man shouted again. Despite Lavi's protest, the young man quickly walked up to the redhead and used his hands to move Lavi's head to face him into his eyes. "It's me, Allen! Please tell me that you recognize me!"

It took some time for Lavi to process, but nevertheless he soon realized the man standing in front of him was his best friend, Allen.

"Allen…" Lavi slightly relaxed upon seeing his friend, and the next thing Allen knew, Lavi lost consciousness.

"Lavi!" Allen cried out loudly as he saw his best friend collapsed in front of him.

* * *

He quickly sprinted through the crowd in the airport, ignoring all the shouting and scolding he heard from the people he accidentally bumped into behind him.

Rather than the strangers, there was something else that mattered to him more. There was something else more important for him to take care of.

There was someone he must see no matter what.

He quickly scanned through the area as he reached the airport lobby, panting heavily due to all the running he did. Someone was supposed to be there for him.

"Kanda! Over here!" and the man who just reached the lobby quickly spun around to see the young man with white hair that he was supposed to meet.

Or rather, it was due to a phone call from the white-haired young man that Kanda had taken leave from the university he was studying at and rushed all the way back home to London.

Kanda immediately made his way towards Allen. He immediately glared at him.

"What the fuck do you mean by 'something happened to Lavi'?" Kanda growled angrily at Allen.

"Kanda…" Allen replied with an obvious sad smile on his face. "I need you to calm down first…"

"Just explain to me what happened, you damn Moyashi!" Kanda shouted, causing the people walking around in the lobby to look at him and Allen.

Allen tightened a grip on one of his hands, while the other made his way to his sling bag he was carrying to pull out a letter. He passed the letter to Kanda. The letter was addressed to him after all.

"This… is from Lavi…"

"Where the hell is he?" Kanda growled angrily at Allen while glaring him coldly again.

"I-I-I don't know…" Allen replied meekly while shivering slightly. Kanda could tell Allen was trying to hold back his tears in his eyes.

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know? You were supposed to be with him all the time!" Kanda shouted across the lobby again, and this time people around started mumbling.

"I told you I DON'T KNOW! Lavi's just disappeared! Even before I noticed! What makes you think I'm trying to hide Lavi from you?" Allen shouted defensively back to Kanda, also attracting the attention from the crowds.

Kanda growled, as he quickly grabbed the letter from Allen that was addressed to him by Lavi. He quickly opened it and read its contents.

_Dear Yuu,_

_ By the time you read this, I'm afraid to say that I have gone to a place where I know you couldn't reach me. Sorry for making such a selfish decision but I decided to break up. At the state I'm in now, I can no longer stay with you. After what had happened, I have been thinking whether is it possible for me to face you as if nothing has happened, and continued living a happy life that we both wanted, a relaxed life that right now you are working hard to fulfill, for the both of us. But yet, all your hard work is going to naught because of my one moment of stupidity. That's why, I can't do it._

_ You told me before that your world can never be complete without me, and hearing that really made me happy and I really believed that I was lucky to be able to find such a person whom I can care for and love for the rest of my life, whom I can finally trust my life and happiness to. You have no idea how elated I was when you gave me the ring exactly one year and four months ago. However, like everyone said, good things must come to an end. _

_ Fearing that my nightmares will come true, I decided that instead of waiting for you to tell me that we should end this, I would be the one who shall end this relationship with me as the disloyal, unfaithful lover who had betrayed you while you were away from my side. None of these is your fault; all burdens and responsibilities shall be bore by me alone. So Yuu, even without me, you must keep going forward, I'm sure you can find someone so much better than me to be able to complete your world, not someone as irritating, loud-mouthed and most importantly, not as dirty as me._

_ Wish you happiness and best of luck in your future. I will always be praying for you._

_Love,_

_Lavi_

_P.S. I know it's unfair for me to say this since I selfishly decided to end the relationship, but still, please allow me this final chance._

_I love you._

Kanda immediately clutched tightly the paper in his hand, while the other hand was able to feel something else was in the envelope, so he turned it upside down.

A ring dropped out from the envelope, and Kanda immediately realized it was the ring that he gave Lavi before he left for Australia to complete his studies. The ring symbolized the promise they made to each other.

To only belong to the other, to only love each other, to only connect their feelings and soul, no matter how far apart they are from another.

Giving the ring back to Kanda could only mean one thing: Lavi was seriously ending their relationship. The promise, the love and the feelings was no longer anything but something happened in the past in memories they shared together ever since they confessed to each other and started dating in their high school years.

Staring at the ring that had dropped onto the floor, Kanda slowly squatted down onto the floor, and one of his hands reached out for the ring. He then picked it up and looked at it for a moment on his palm while tears were beginning to fall down, dripping onto the ring. Allen also began crying looking at the sight.

Soon after, Kanda closed his hand into a fist, and brought his fist to the area on his chest where his heart was situated. Tears were trickling down his cheeks as he called the name of the one he loved…

"Lavi…"

Nothing, but tears of sorrow and pain was dripping down onto the floor.

Nothing, but feelings of despair and regrets was Kanda feeling at the moment.

For half of his world had crumbled with the loss of the man he loved.

**End**

ok till next time! watch out for my updates! =DDD

Jya ne~~~

August-chan


	2. Fate, Nightmare and Reunion

Disclaimer: Simple. I do _**NOT**_ own DGM.

Warning: Yaoi, Violence, Rape, Torture, Angst, Gore, and especially OOCness

(Angst rate will be at least 9.5 out of 10)

Remarks: Decided to continue! So do give me your support through reviews! ok ok ok? =DD

Just a note: have uploaded the new chapter of MaE as well.

Wow, didnt expect myself to upload 2 chapters for 2 stories within 1 day man haha.

so check it out babies!

ok enjoy~~~

**My World Is Never Complete Without You**

**Fate, Nightmare and Reunion**

_"Lavi…"_

_Nothing, but tears of sorrow and pain was dripping down onto the floor._

_Nothing, but feelings of despair and regrets was Kanda feeling at the moment._

_For half of his world had crumbled with the loss of the man he loved._

_****Six Years Later****_

"Are you sure, Lenalee?" a young man with white hair asked through a handphone.

"It's all right, Allen-kun," the young lady replied to the young man. "I will just be there to help Reever-san carry Nii-san home."

"But that kind of place is too dangerous for a cute girl like you to walk around! Worse, what if some guy tries to take advantage of you!"

"Oh don't worry I know that. But you should know that I'm capable of taking care of myself. Not even you can beat me to a fight," the young lady, Lenalee, chuckled as she made that comment.

"That's because your legs are too quick and too strong!" the young man named Allen commented defensively.

"See? That means I can defend myself right?"

"That's true. But still..."

"Trust me Allen-kun. I won't let anyone else other than you to touch me. You're the only one for me," Lenalee commented, which a silence followed, and she could tell that her boyfriend was blushing at the other side of the phone. "Besides, you know my brother. He won't let any guys touch me at all."

"That's true too..."

"So don't worry too much okay? I will call as soon as I reach home."

"... All right. But be careful."

"Thanks Allen-kun," Lenalee thanked her boyfriend for his trust before hanging up the phone and made her way into the host club.

* * *

"Mou, Nii-san," Lenalee said with a troubled face when she saw her brother, drunk to the point where he was declaring his love for his sister and thinking Lenalee was leaving, he would cling onto her making comments like 'Don't leave me!', Lenalee getting a boyfriend or getting married without telling him and asking her to dump Allen.

"It's ok Lenalee, I can handle," Lenalee's brother's assistant Reever said as he tried carrying his superior, Komui, up to bring him out of the club.

"Lenalee..." Komui began speaking drunk words again. "There's no way... hic... I'm forgiving... hic... that Allen-kun... When I get home... hic... the new... Komurin... hic... 4... shall... eliminate him!"

Upon hearing those words, Lenalee immediately gave a hard kick to Komui's head, knocking him unconscious.

"Eh... don't you think that's a bit too... harsh?" Reever asked Lenalee when Komui collapsed, finally keeping quiet.

"I think both of us needed this don't you think?" Lenalee asked as she put down her leg.

"That's true," Reever chuckled as he said that.

When continuing her footsteps after she put down her leg, Lenalee accidentally bumped into a man, slightly plump and accompanied by few other men, dressing as if they were a gang.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" the man shouted rudely at Lenalee.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It was an accident," Lenalee apologized immediately. However, instead of continuing making rude comments, the man then eyed at Lenalee for a while, and began circling around her, eyes still didn't leave Lenalee's body. The man was looking at Lenalee as if he was eyeing on a prey to catch and eat.

And indeed, seeing how pretty Lenalee was, the leader of the gang started making moves on her.

"Hey there, you're really cute. How much for one night?"

"Sorry, but I'm not a host here."

"Oh? Does it matter? Why not just give us some service? I can still pay you."

"No way. Get the hell of me, jerk!" with that Lenalee slapped the hand away that was attempting to touch her face.

"Why you!" the man attempted to slap Lenalee back, but was blown away by a swift and powerful kick, from Lenalee skinny legs. Never judge a book by its cover.

"Hey! How dare you!" shouted one of the man underlings while the others prepared their weapon and surrounded Lenalee, weapons at hand ready to attack. The leader who was blown back immediately got back up on his feet.

"You bitch!" growled the leader angrily when he recovered. He then grabbed a metal baseball bat from one of his underlings and lunged forward to attack Lenalee. But Lenalee was too fast for him as she easily dodged the attack and kicked the man again, this time from his behind and to make sure that the man will have difficulties standing up later, she kicked him in between the legs. The leader held onto the painful area, groaned loudly in pain and collapsed.

"Come near me again and I will show no mercy," Lenalee exclaimed with a determined look.

"Argh…" the leader on the ground groaned, turned around and looked at Lenalee with a pair of angry eyes. One of his underlings tried helping him up but he shoved him off instead and attempted to stand up, slowly but surely.

"Get her!" the angry leader pointed at Lenalee and ordered his men. Upon the command, all the underlings, which there are about three or four, moved forward with their weapon slowly and approached Lenalee with murderous pairs of eyes.

Lenalee on the other hand was ready as she got herself in the right position and poised, being cautious and looking around in case anyone attacked. Soon enough, one of the men had lunged forward to attack her, but Lenalee, just like dealing with the leader earlier, managed to easily and swiftly dodged the attack and kicked the man down, followed by the rest of his gang companions as they attacked one by one but was all defeated by Lenalee's swift and strong pair of legs. While Lenalee was fighting, Komui, who somehow woke up already, was screaming over Lenalee among the crowds, being pulled down by Reever as Reever understood that it was going to be a bad idea getting Komui into the fight to stop Lenalee. He would only get in her way.

When seeing all his men were easily taken down by a single weak-looking woman, the leader was angry and embarrassed at his downfall, so he again tried attacking Lenalee, but was once again beaten up easily by Lenalee. This time Lenalee hit the man more than once to make sure he would not stand up again.

After the leader collapsed after being kicked by one of Lenalee's special kick, the spectators around started applauding for her victory while Lenalee heaved a deep sigh as she put down her leg (was positioned up after kicking the leader). She heard her brother sobbing loudly about worrying for her safety, so she quickly turned and made her way towards her brother that was among the crowds.

However, she failed to realize that one of the underlings that she had taken down had managed to find back his strength as she walked past him. Seeing that Lenalee didn't notice his presence, he quickly took the opportunity to grab a small knife beside his hand and lunged at a rapid speed towards Lenalee.

"Lenalee watch out!" shouted Reever as he warned Lenalee, which made Lenalee turn back to look what had happened. By the time she realized she was attacked, it was too late. She cannot make it in time to dodge the attack.

'Shimatta,' thought Lenalee as she closed her eyes to get ready for the impact and pain as the knife made any contact. However, she felt no pain and contact for a while, and instead she heard a painful groan from the gangster that was trying to attack her. She then slowly opened her eyes, which soon widened in surprise at the sight she was seeing.

Apparently a young man had managed to stop the attack from the gangster by grabbing onto his wrist that was holding the knife. The gangster began to yelp in pain due to the painfully tightening hold the young man had on the gangster's wrist.

"Five men against one woman," exclaimed the young man as he further tightened his grip on the wrist to make it more and more painful, to the point where the gangster dropped the knife. "Don't you think it's unfair? Especially when the five of you had weapons while the lady hasn't."

"You bastard!" the gangster shouted to the young man who was hurting his wrist. Anymore tightening could fracture his wrist. "Let go! Who do you think you are!"

Upon hearing those words, the young man immediately grabbed the gangster's head roughly with his the other hand and slammed his face onto the floor.

"That will teach you some manners," the young man exclaimed as he stood up to sweep away the dust on his hand and shirt and straighten it.

"LAVI!" another voice screamed loudly and sounded angrily from the crowd, causing everyone to look at the source. A middle-aged man with a long red hair and a pair of glasses with the left half of his face covered hurriedly appeared from the crowd and glared at the young man with similar but shorter red coloured hair.

"What do you think you are doing to my customers!" shouted the middle-aged man to the young man. The leader on the floor which was knocked down by Lenalee then looked up to the middle-aged man, one of his hands reaching out to him.

"Help…" the gangster cried out softly to the middle-aged man.

"In case you want to know," explained the young man while tidying up his hair. It got messy during the fight it seems. "The five men here were fighting against a woman with weapons and stuff to try to hurt her. If you don't believe me, ask her."

The young man pointed at Lenalee. The middle-aged man looked at her. However, Lenalee, instead of replying immediately was staring at the young man who had just saved her life.

Lenalee was brought back to reality with the middle-aged man's sound of clearing his throat. Lenalee, who realized what was going on, gave a quick nod. This caused the middle-aged man to turn back to face the leader, whose hand was still trying to reach out to him.

"Oh?" said the middle-aged man. The hand from the gangster stopped. He gave up reaching out to the boss of the club as he felt one of the heaviest cold and murderous glares he felt in his whole life. The middle aged man's lips were pulled to the sides widely as he showed one of his most evil smiles to the gangster. The middle-aged man then grabbed the leader's shirt from his behind, and pulled him up to meet his face at the same height. Never underestimate a middle-aged man, because that man with the long red hair was strong enough to carry up a seventy-four kilograms gangster without any trouble.

"Eh… boss?" the gangster gulped seeing the wide smile but an evil aura from the middle-aged man that sent a shiver down his spine.

"Sorry, mister," exclaimed the middle-aged man as he moved towards the window. "Men that love attacking women is not welcomed here!"

With that, the middle-aged man threw the gangster leader out of the window, which the screams of the man being thrown followed soon after. People around gasped at the sight.

"No worries people," the middle-aged, without turning back to face the crowds, exclaimed loudly enough for everyone to be able to hear him. "This is the first floor so he's not going to die."

With that, he turned around to face the rest of the gang.

"Sorry pals, you're not welcome as well." And with that announcement, the rest of the gang immediately screamed in fear and ran for their lives, out of the club.

"As usual you got a soft spot for women," exclaimed the young man with the shorter red hair towards the one with the longer red hair.

"Shut up!" the middle-aged man turned to look in the direction of the young man. "This is partly your fault! I'm docking your pay for all the damages here!"

"Whatever," the young man said surprisingly in a calm tone to his boss.

"Get back to work!" shouted the middle-aged man to the young man again.

"Yes uncle," the young man obeyed as he made his way out of the room, without noticing the continued stares from Lenalee.

The crowd, seeing that the show was over, immediately dispersed to continue whatever business they were attending before the whole fiasco started. Just as the crowd dispersed, Lenalee immediately ran off, ignoring the calling from her brother and his colleague.

'That guy… could it be?' Lenalee thought as she continued running down the hallway, following the direction the redhead young man just took. She needed to see the person no matter what.

After some running, her efforts paid off as she saw the young man walking down the hallway, on the way to the restroom.

"Wait!" Lenalee cried loudly to the young man as she grabbed him by one of his arms.

The young man, on the other hand, was shocked by the calling for him from someone else.

"Wha-" the young man cried out as he was pulled to spin around to see the woman he had just saved. However, the woman was looking down while holding on to his arm; her eyes were covered by her fringes, so he was unable to see her face. Thinking that the woman wanted to thank him for saving him earlier, he sighed before started speaking.

"Look, if you want to thank me for just now, you don't have to-"

"Lavi," the woman interrupted Lavi before he finished speaking. "You're Lavi, right?"

"Huh?" Lavi looked at the woman with a confused look on his face.

"It's me," Lenalee finally looked up to face Lavi and to meet his single emerald green eye. "Don't you recognize me?"

Lenalee did not mention her name as she thought it's better for Lavi to remember her name instead. True enough, Lavi remembered her when he recognized the familiar violet eyes and the face always full of kindness and care for her family and friends.

"Lenalee?" Lavi identified her.

"Oh god… Lavi…" upon hearing Lavi calling her name, Lenalee hugged Lavi in relief and happiness, for seeing one of her best friends that she hadn't seen for six long years. Lavi, however, in contrast to Lenalee's genuine joyful smile, had a sad smile as he hugged back.

However soon after, the two broke apart when a sound of throat clearing came, revealing the middle-aged boss of the club behind Lenalee.

"Lavi," the boss began speaking. "You of all people know that we don't give _that_ kind of service here."

"Of course I know, Uncle Cross," Lavi replied. "You of all people should know that I _don't _do it."

"Then what's up with that lady clinging onto you? Don't tell me you got yourself another troublesome stalker."

"Huh? Stalker?" Lenalee cried with a puzzled look.

"I would give up on him if I were you, miss," Cross replied to Lenalee. "This guy's got a horrible record of three stupid lovers of his dying because of him, all committed suicide it seems."

"What? But that's…" Lenalee gaped at what she just heard from the boss of the club. Lavi, on the other hand, was irritated by his uncle for telling false stories again, though it's not totally wrong. He rolled his eye irritatingly as he replied his uncle.

"One, they are not my lovers. Two, I did not asked to be stalked or loved by them. And three, I did not force them to commit suicide."

"Well, lovers or not, that doesn't change the fact those idiots committed suicide because you rejected them."

"Whatever," Lavi replied, still in the irritated tone. "And uncle, would you please stop spreading strange and false rumours around, at least not in front of my friend here."

"Friend?" Cross looked at Lenalee with a slightly surprised look on his face. "This lady here is your friend?"

"Yes," Lavi replied, this time with a glare. "She's just an old friend, happy?"

"An old friend?" Cross raised one of his eye brows. "You don't mean-"

"She has got nothing to do with anything," Lavi quickly interrupted before his uncle finished, which slightly annoyed Cross.

"Make sure you don't get yourself another trouble where I have to save that ass of yours."

"Fine," Lavi replied hastily and quickly pulled Lenalee away to bring her into a room for a private talk.

"Wait a minute!" Cross shouted across the hallway before Lavi tried to escape from his nagging. "Where do you think you are going?"

"Just want to have a talk with an old friend," Lavi replied in an impatient tone. He seemed really want to leave the conversation. "_Privately_." Lavi emphasized on the last word.

"In case you forgot baka nephew," Cross replied with an annoyed tone. "You are still working! You are supposed to be entertaining that Suman guy!"

Lenalee gasped softly at the name. Suman? _That_ Suman? The vice-president of the Noah Group, the largest toy company in London?

Lavi sighed before he replied loudly to his uncle and boss.

"Just have Roger or whoever is free to entertain him first, I will be back later."

"To the hell with that," Cross replied rudely. "You're the only one he wants to be entertained by."

"Then tell him I got stuck in the toilet or something! Like it or not, I will go back later!" With that Lavi quickly pulled Lenalee with him into a nearby private VIP room and closed the door.

"Argh… Brats these days…" Cross groaned in annoyance as he spun around to walk in the opposite direction.

* * *

"Please, take a seat," Lavi said as he sat down on the long couch in the room. Lenalee followed soon after, sitting opposite across Lavi. Lavi then took out a cigarette from his cigarette box from his pocket, lighting it with his lighter and start smoking.

"You smoke?" Lenalee asked, as she didn't really know how to start a conversation with Lavi right now.

"Well, yeah," Lavi replied immediately as he inhaled and breathed out smoke that was accumulated in his mouth.

"So, Lavi," Lenalee started changing the topic to the more proper one. "How have you been for these past six years?"

"Oh," Lavi replied. "I guess… pretty good? How about you? What were you doing here by the way?"

"Oh, my brother was here."

"Komui was here too?"

"Yes, it seems he was here with Reever-san to entertain a client of theirs. But somehow Nii-san got drunk and Reever-san was having trouble having my brother to go home, so he asked me for help, despite Nii-san threatening him if he does that he will kill him."

"So I guess his exaggerating sister complex is still with him?" Lavi said before he chuckled. "You and Komui didn't really change much for the past six years… isn't it?"

"Well…"

Except for your hair," Lavi commented. "I almost couldn't recognize you. What made you decided to cut it till this short, you were really cute with that pretty long hair of yours."

"Well, it was kind of getting in the way so… and I prefer this way," Lenalee said as she touched her hair. "But Lavi… you seemed… to have changed…" Lenalee commented with a sad face.

"Is that so?" Again, Lavi replied before he chuckled.

"What happened to your right eye?" Lenalee asked as it had been bothering her ever since she saw the redhead today.

"Oh this?" Lavi replied while lifting his hand to touch his eye patch on his right eye. "Well, you heard about three people committing suicide because I rejected them from my uncle right?"

Lenalee nodded in response. "You don't mean…"

"Well, I'm afraid that was true," Lavi replied, surprisingly in a very calm tone. "Two women, one guy. One of them kind of got violent so…"

Lenalee gasped. There was no need to continue for her to understand. Lavi tried to assured her.

"Don't worry about it," Lavi said after another chuckle. "I think I looked cooler this way, don't you think?"

"But Lavi…"

"No worries, some of my customers even liked me this way. I still have my left eye so I'm still surviving well," Lavi said. He soon tried to change the subject.

"So, how are you and Allen going along?" Lavi asked Lenalee with a smile. "Any plans to finally ring the marriage bells?"

Lenalee certainly did not expect that question, as shown with her blushing face.

"Well..." Lenalee tried to find the right words to say despite being embarrassed. "We are getting along just fine... But we are not planning to get married yet till Allen-kun become successful and stable in his career."

"Allen's career?" Lavi asked with an eyebrow raised.

"He just started opening a piano school to teach people to play the piano." Lenalee replied with a smile. It assured Lavi that both Lenalee and Allen are doing fine in terms of their life, career and relationship. Unlike him...

"I didn't expect you to work here…" Lenalee suddenly said, bringing Lavi's attention back to Lenalee.

"Oh, this club belonged to my uncle you see. Apparently he allowed me work here, seeing I need a job to be able to pay my rent and for my living expenses."

"That means you're living alone?"

"Yeah," Lavi replied as he inhaled and breathed out some smoke from his cigarette again.

"Do you mind if I get your address then?" Lenalee asked with an innocent look, but Lavi was fully aware of her intentions.

"Sorry Lenalee, don't think I can help you with that."

"And why not?"

"Because… I can't, that's why. It's the policy here."

"Or is it so that I won't reveal to anyone or _someone_ where you live right now?"

Lavi twitched slightly and froze upon hearing that comment from Lenalee. He kept silent for a few seconds before Lenalee heaved a sigh and started talking again.

"Why haven't you been contacting us, Lavi? I understand if you didn't contact me or Allen-kun but you could at least get in touch with Kanda?"

Lavi twitched slightly again upon hearing the name of his ex-lover, but gave no attempt to show how much he missed and thought of him for the past six years.

The truth was, Lavi still loved Kanda. He thought of him all the time, he saw him in his dreams, he wanted to see him again. But he couldn't bring himself to do it at all… Not after what happened six years ago.

"Lenalee," Lavi finally spoke after some silence after he removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the smoke. "In case you didn't know, I broke up with Yuu six years ago."

"Or more like you ran away," Lenalee said with her hands on her hips, showing her slight anger.

"So that means you knew what happened then?" Lavi asked as he put the cigarette back into his mouth and lowered his head for his red locks to cover his eye.

"Lavi, Do you have any idea how much we all miss you? How much Kanda misses you?" Lenalee said towards Lavi with a sad face. Still, Lavi showed no sign of getting moved by her words.

"Kanda… he has always been searching for you. He searched everywhere he could think of despite being so busy with his university life six years ago. He even went countries other than London to find you, because he wanted to see you again. China, Japan, America, everywhere he thought you might go!

"You are his most important person, Lavi! Remember what Kanda said? Without you, his world will never be complete, just like my world cannot be complete without my family and friends! So please Lavi… even if it's just for a while, just see Kanda again, will you?" Lenalee pleaded with a pair of sorrowful eyes. "Especially since all along, you have been in London."

"I wasn't," Lavi replied after Lenalee's speech.

"Huh?"

"Six years ago, I went to look for my grandfather, who was in Russia at that point of time."

"You mean… you were with Bookman?"

"I went travelling with him around the world ever since, hoping to get some change in environment since I decided I was going to start afresh a new life. But I came back only two years later, around four years ago."

"But that doesn't change the fact you are here in London right now! Kanda also came back from his studies three years ago, so there's a chance you guys can meet each other!"

"Lenalee," Lavi spoke after finished smoking with a shortened cigarette. "Promise me you won' tell anyone you've seen me here."

"What?" Lenalee gaped with a shock.

"You heard me," Lavi replied. "You won't reveal to anyone I'm working here. I'm not planning to see anyone… including Yuu."

"But Lavi…"

"If you can't promise me that, I'm afraid that means you won't be seeing me here again."

"You're going to run away again?" Lenalee asked with an obvious shock on her face.

"Just promise me," Lavi replied as he mashed his cigarette on an ashtray on the table. "You won't tell anyone I'm here. If I find out you break your promise, then I won't be here anymore the next day."

"Lavi, running away is not going to solve any problem!" this time Lenalee was replying Lavi with an obvious sad but angry tone. "That's why we're here! We're your friends! We're here to always help you!"

"I'm sorry Lenalee," Lavi said as he stood up. "No one can help me. Not you, not Allen, not even… Yuu can help me anymore." Lavi began to walk towards the door. "Well, better get back to work before my uncle starts nagging."

"Lavi!"

"If you really want to help me, then leave me alone," Lavi said with a monotone voice as he reached for the door handle. Just then, he felt arms wrapping around his waist, shivering, preventing him from leaving.

"Lenalee…"

"Lavi… I just want you to know that other than Kanda, the rest of us were worried about you too. Nii-san tried all ways to find you through the connections he has in his work, while Allen and I have been asking around to find any clue regarding your location. Despite unable to find you for six years, we never give up, do you know why?"

Lavi just stood still, never turning back to face Lenalee.

"It's because you are our friend, Lavi. Remember that I said before that my world revolves around my family and friends? You were part of it too. When you were gone, I, too, felt that part of my world is gone…

"And Kanda... he still loves you. Despite searching friutlessly for you for six years, he never gave up, even when some of us were going to. Kanda really loves you Lavi. He so wanted to see you, to hold you in his arms and have you stay by his side again...

"So please, Lavi… come back to us…"

When her speech ended, Lenalee started crying softly on Lavi's back. Lavi, decided that Lenalee deserved the comfort, stayed still for several minutes before placing a hand on Lenalee's to pull her away.

"I'm sorry Lenalee," Lavi said as he opened the door and left the room, leaving poor Lenalee to continue crying in the room alone.

* * *

"Well then, I'm heading home," Lavi exclaimed as he headed for a door which is the backdoor of the club.

"Fine," Cross said as he brought out the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled the smoke. "Better head home straight; don't want the police calling me again to save your ass from prison."

Lavi growled and rolled his eye in annoyance before leaving the club through the door. Despite Cross being annoying as usual, Lavi still listened to his uncle's advice and immediately went straight home. He was getting really tired after all that had happened today, and not to mention he had drunk a few more than usual in order to please Suman for delaying his time while he talked to Lenalee. Thankfully he wasn't drunk as he had a good tolerance to alcohol.

Lavi's apartment was situated two streets away from the club, where there was only a kitchen, a bathroom, a bedroom and a living room. After a fifteen-minute walk, Lavi reached home, and he immediately head for his bedroom to put down his bag and lie down on the bed. He was too tired to get up to take a bath before sleeping. Besides, his work only started in the evening so he definitely had the time to take shower when he woke up.

When he lied down, Lavi began to ponder about what happened today, and definitely Lenalee's words had stuck in his mind ever since he talked to her today. He certainly never expected to have met one of his old friends in his workplace, whom he tried to avoid for the past six years. And of all people, he met one of his closest friends, Lenalee. However, what had the greatest impact from Lenalee's words today was not about their reminiscing, but the mention of his ex-lover in their conversation.

"_You are his most important person, Lavi! Remember what Kanda said? Without you, his world will never be complete, just like my world cannot be complete without my family and friends! So please Lavi… even if it's just for a while, just see Kanda again, will you?" _

"Damn it," Lavi retorted before covering himself with the blanket and start making the effort to fall asleep. He was determined not to think about it, not now especially where he had finally got used to living without Kanda. He must not hesitate, especially not now when he finally had the resolve to accept that his past and love life with Kanda shall remain as nothing but part of his memories and just another one of his stories in his life. Thinking about turning back will only bring nothing but misery and hurt to both sides. No matter what happens, he will not waver from his decision to not to return to the life he so much desired.

For Kanda is definitely the last person he wanted to hurt in his whole life.

* * *

"_No... Please... s-stop it!"_

_A ripping sound was then heard, indicating the action of Lavi's shirt being ripped apart and tossed to the ground._

"_No... stop! Anyone! he-Mmmm"_

_The man above Lavi kissed him to stop his calling, and pinned Lavi's arm above his head with one of his arm. While kissing, the man above quickly removed Lavi's pants and grabbed the member with a little force._

"_Ah!"_

_Feeling the need to stop the man below him from struggling, the man above quickly removed his tie and used it to tie up Lavi's hands to the headboard behind. Once that was done, he made his way to the neck while one of his hands were busy playing with the member of Lavi's while the other was busy caressing the inner thigh._

"_Please... stop... don't..." Lavi cried out in vain as the man above him keep kissing and sucking his neck while playing with his member, causing a uncomfortable moan from the redhead._

"_Why should I? You seemed to be enjoying this..." the man above said as he bit down on a point on the neck, hard to the point where his teeth seethed through the skin and blood was flowing out. Lavi cried out in pain and discomfort. The man then moved to his chest to bite on a nipple harshly._

"_Ahh! No! Please! Stop!" his member was being pumped harshly, causing Lavi to cum soon, wetting the hands of the man above him with his semen. Lavi began panting heavily while the man above licked the cum in his hands to swallow them. Tears began forming in Lavi's eyes._

"_Wow," the man above said as he looked into Lavi's emerald green eyes, which was beautiful to him. "You're really delicious, better than I thought."_

"_Please... let me go..." Lavi begged the man. No, he did not want this. He hated this. He didn't want to do this with the man he was with right now. He's afraid of him and his golden eyes now filled with pleasure and lust. _

"_No way, Lavi," the man above him replied. "Not when I have finally have you here, right where I wanted..." the man smirked as he continued to lean down on the body below him to put the again hardened member into his mouth while the hand that was wet with Lavi's cum moved towards the area between his butt cheeks to find and insert one finger into the entrance._

"_Ah!" Lavi screamed in pain as the finger was inserted. The man tried reducing the pain by increasing the pleasure in the member in his mouth, licking, sucking and grazing lightly for the redhead to feel the sensation in his sensitive area between his legs. But Lavi still continued crying out in pain and discomfort. Lavi then screamed even louder as the second finger was added, and he came while the man above deep-throated him, swallowing all the cum spurted in his mouth. _

_The man above him then kissed Lavi to stop his screaming and to let him taste himself. Lavi tried pulling away from the kiss, but his head was held firmly in place by the free hand of the man above. The man broke the kiss soon to lick away the tears on the face of the redhead._

"_No... more..." Lavi continued begging in vain.__"No… I'm begging you… Please… Stop…" _

_However, his pleas were ignored as the man inserted a third finger._

"_Ah! No! Don't!" cried Lavi loudly again, tears formed heavily in the emerald green eyes of his. "Some… one… help…"_

"_No one is coming," exclaimed the man above with a smirk. "I told you before, you're mine, Lavi." _

_With that, the man above pulled out his three fingers again, causing Lavi to moan in pain. The man above then soon used his hands to spread apart Lavi's leg, positioned his hardened member at the entrance and without any warning the man thrust hard and fully into Lavi._

"_Ah! Stop! Don't! Ahhh!" Lavi screamed in pain and more pain, as the man above kept moving himself inside Lavi by pulling out his member partially, only to thrust in back again, more deeper with each thrust. Lavi tried pulling away, but his legs were held firmly. Lavi screamed in pain with each thrust, but soon gasped loudly when the man above hit a certain spot inside him. The man above smirked in response._

_The man above kept thrusting in again and again, making sure his member will hit Lavi's sweet spot, causing Lavi to scream at the top of his lungs with each thrust. Blood was beginning to flow out from Lavi's entrance due to the harsh treatment receiving from the man's fierce thrusts._

"_Please… don't… Tyki!"_

_Lavi could tell the man above him was enjoying himself. He was enjoying himself and having the pleasure of raping and torturing him, despite Lavi's pleas and screams of rejection and pain. To Lavi, there were no desirable and pleasurable sensation he could feel from the man above him. Lavi could only feel nothing but pain, humiliation and fear as Tyki continued thrusting harshly and painfully into him. Lavi so wanted to push him away, but he was already restrained forcefully. Tears formed heavily in his eyes again and soon Lavi realised he is not only screaming but also wailing with pain._

"_AH! STOP! It… It… It hurts! Ahh!" Lavi begged for Tyki to stop, but Tyki refused to end things here, not when he finally was able to taste the man he always desired since the first time they met._

"_With this, you're mine," Tyki instead intensified the pain as Tyki once again made his way to his neck, sucking harshly to leave some hickies, and also biting hard on certain points to till blood flowed out, as if making sure they will leave a scar after this._

_Satisfied with all his torturing and marking on the body below him, Tyki moved one of his hands to pump Lavi's member again._

_Blood and wet semen was soon formed and flowed onto the bed, staining the sheets with of pain, humiliation and despair._

"_No… stop… please… save… me… Yuu!"_

_Upon hearing Lavi's lover's name, Tyki used his hand to hold Lavi's head again firmly and forcefully to have Lavi look him in his golden eyes, which Lavi could tell the man on top of him was sending him a cold glare that threatened to hurt him really bad._

"_Listen, Lavi. From now on, you belong to me. You're mine and only mine forever. Anyone one else coming in between us," he paused before giving Lavi a rough kiss and treatment in Lavi's mouth with his tongue. He then bit hard on Lavi's lips, causing blood to come out from Lavi's mouth as well, leading to Lavi's uncomfortable moan in pain. "I will destroy whoever dares to come near you."_

_And with that, Tyki gave his final but hardest thrust with all the most force (in fact using all the energy and force he had left), causing Lavi to once again, screaming in pain very loudly._

"_AHHH!"_

_

* * *

_

"AHHH!" Lavi screamed as he awoke with a start, jerking up in a second as his eye widened, waking up from the nightmare. He also started panting heavily and found himself sweating heavily as well. After panting for some time, Lavi lifted his hands for them to rest on his head, as a headache had soon followed.

"Shit!" Lavi cursed before getting up to get a shower as his body was getting pretty uncomfortable due to his heavy sweats. He quickly then made his way to the bathroom, opening the shower and running the cold water through him even with his clothes on. It seems that Lavi felt that there was a need for him to cool down.

However, it wasn't long as sounds of sobbing could be heard, as Lavi remembered his nightmare where everything in his life was taken away within one night.

Six years. For six years, Lavi had been living with the nightmare, where the scene of torture and rape kept replaying in his mind ever since six years ago. Lavi hadn't had the nightmare for quite a long time. He had thought he had overcome the fear and the nightmare as the last time he had this nightmare was months ago. However it seemed he was deadly wrong as he was still haunted by the same nightmares and his worst fear and humiliation of his life, even after being able to live and survive normally as a human for six long years.

However the nightmare he had had just proven despite after six long years, the memory of despair and humiliation still refused to leave him and continued haunting him, fighting a psychological battle with him in his mind with an attempt to break down his mentality. But Lavi had refused to give in, though he knew that if the current situation continued, it was only a matter of time before he loses this battle and he would finally lose himself.

And in the end, despite all the fighting and struggling, Lavi would lose everything, taken away from him forcefully six years ago. Lavi couldn't help but cried all the frustrations and regrets he held in his heart, for he could only helplessly wait for despair to rob him of his normal life and his willpower and strength as a human.

After some time, Lavi turned back, still with eye full of tears, only to find himself facing his reflection in the bathroom mirror. With the nightmare and the playback of the rape scene in his mind, Lavi could only saw nothing but disgust and humiliation in the dirty and impure body of the reflection in the mirror, which means, himself. Remembering the bite scars he received that night on his neck, hallucinations of the scars on the neck appeared in his mind.

The scars of humiliation and abuse.

He hated them.

He hated that they are on his body.

They should just go away.

No, they must go away.

Go away.

Please. Go away.

Leave me alone.

Such thoughts ran through Lavi's mind as he had unconsciously lifted his hand up to a certain spot on the area between the neck and the collarbone, where Lavi 'saw' a bite mark. He began to press his nails hard onto the spot, pressing till the pressure was enough for the nails to pass through the skin, causing blood to flow. Not feeling he had done enough, Lavi began scratching the spot with his bloody nails, hoping the scars would disappear.

"Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away..." Lavi repeated said the words as he continued scratching the wound. More blood began flowing out from the scratched wound as Lavi scratched the wound each time with increasing pressure, till he finally saw the floor heavy in red with his blood. Lavi then looked at his hand full of his blood, and realized that he couldn't feel any pain at all.

This is bad.

He's not feeling any pain.

It could mean one thing.

He's losing his sanity.

He's losing himself.

But more importantly, he is losing his humanity.

And no, this was unacceptable.

He needed to feel pain to prove to himself he was still living, still a human.

So Lavi quickly headed out of the bathroom to the kitchen to take a fruit knife to position at his wrist. Without any hesitation, Lavi immediately pressed the knife down hard to see blood flowing from his cut skin, and moved the knife to create a straight cut at his wrist. He then groaned softly in pain.

Yes, that's it.

He needed that.

The pain. The pain that proved his humanity, and he was still alive.

He needed more.

With that thought in mind, he quickly made the same cut movement on the same wound, but the consequent time he began to slash his wrist with more force and swiftness, drowning himself into the pain. He could hear his mind telling him to stop, but Lavi heard his needs for more pain instead and continued till a small pool of blood was formed on the kitchen floor, blood still dripping on it from his wrist to enlarge the radius of the pool.

It doesn't matter anymore if the loss of too much blood was going to weaken him to the point on the verge of death.

It doesn't matter anymore if he was going to die from the self-mutilation.

Death had been tempting to him ever since that night six years ago anyway.

Life was meaningless for him now.

No one would care even if he dies anyway.

No one would give a damn even if he disappears from the surface of this world full of misery and regrets.

So please, pain or death.

Anyone of you.

Just come.

And I will embrace you openly.

With that thought in mind, Lavi made another cut, but this time slowly with all of his force, as if he really wanted to take his own life.

"_Kanda really loves you Lavi. He so wanted to see you, to hold you in his arms and have you stay by his side again..."_

Lavi gasped and froze as he remembered those words from Lenalee.

"_So please, Lavi… come back to us…"_

Lenalee's face full of tears and sorrow replayed in his mind as she pleaded him to go back to his friends.

"_Lavi... I love you."_

This time, Kanda's blushing face and confession was replayed in his mind. And with that memory, Lavi dropped the knife and his knees then immediately dropped and landed on the floor beside the pool of blood. His hands raised to held on to his head and began sobbing out again in regrets as he called out his name.

"Yuu..."

* * *

Lenalee knocked on the door softly. It wasn't long when a white-haired young man opened the door to welcome her into the house.

"Hey Lenalee," the young man said when he saw his girlfriend at the door.

"Allen-kun," Lenalee said as she went up to hug her boyfriend. After that she removed her shoes when her boyfriend broke apart and led her into the living room.

"Where's Kanda?" Lenalee asked as she sat on the sofa in the living room.

"In the kitchen," her boyfriend replied as he sat beside her. "He said he will get you some drinks for your visit."

"So he hasn't found a place yet?" Lenalee asked.

"Not yet. Though I think he is searching quite frantically now..."

"What's wrong? You two had a fight again?"

"We always do. You know, we could never really stand each other... guess it helps both of us if he finds his own place to stay soon."

Lenalee nodded. Kanda had been living with Allen in Allen's house one month ago, after his house apartment flat had been destroyed and to be renovated to a high-class condominium. However, unable to afford the new rent fees, Kanda decided to find a new place instead. Indeed, it was rather difficult for Allen and Kanda to live in peace under one roof due to their rivalry relationship since the first time they met, though deep down they actually cared for one another.

"Anyway," Allen decided to change the subject. "What did you said you wanted to tell me and Kanda on the phone? You said it was really important."

Lenalee then was reminded of the purpose of her visit. She was about to say something as her thoughts went back into what happened the night before.

* * *

_When Lavi exited through the door, leaving poor Lenalee in the room, Lenalee sat down slowly in the couch again as she began to cry for the loss of her friend. After crying some time, she heard the door opened again, but she couldn't really care less if anyone came in to see her in this state._

"_That baka nephew, told him a zillion times never make a lady cry."_

_Lenalee looked up when the voice came, revealing the red long-haired boss of the club, Cross Marian. Cross, just like Lavi, started smoking as he stood by the entrance._

"_I'm sorry... was just about... to leave..." Lenalee sniffed as she quickly wiped away her tears and stood up._

"_Wait a minute, lady. Need to ask you something." Cross said when Lenalee stood up and he removed the cigarette from his mouth. "As an old friend, you mean you know his boyfriend?"_

_Lenalee looked up into the middle-aged boss, shocked._

"_Could it be... you knew about what happened to Lavi?"_

"_Of course I do. My pops told me about it. Usually no matter how much we try, our whole family could never hide anything from that damn pops of mine. Heard the whole story from him but never talked to Lavi about it. To him I'm most probably just a damn irritating geezer that only cares about his business and women."_

"_Then... why are you asking me?"_

"_Well, nothing really. Just find it irritating that baka nephew of mine is getting more popular than me so trying to find a way to get rid of him here. Was thinking you could help me." Cross said as he inhaled and exhaled the smoke._

"_You mean-"_

"_I don't care if you get him to go back to his boyfriend or something. Just get him out of the whole host business. In case he didn't know, he may be popular, but not suitable to be a host. Gut's feeling telling me that keeping him will one day ruin my business."_

"_But Lavi just said-"_

"_Listen, he won't run away, I will make sure of that. So just go ahead and tell whoever you want to reveal my baka nephew's secret location to and I promise he won't run away like he said he will. I will personally make sure of that."_

"_Really?"_

"_Sure I do. That baka couldn't leave. Not when I'm the boss here. He's not allowed to quit or leave till I say so."_

"_Oh thank you," Lenalee thanked Cross by hugging him, and quickly made her way to leave the room back to her brother._

_

* * *

_

Lenalee immediately told Allen what happened, whose jaws dropped and mouth gaped in shock as he heard the whole story from Lenalee.

"Oh god..." Allen commented after Lenalee finished her story. "I don't believe this... after six years, we finally found him..."

"Allen-kun..." Lenalee nodded in tears, sharing the joy with her boyfriend.

"We need to tell this to Kanda," Allen immediately said as he stood up. "He must know this."

Allen was about turned to walk to the kitchen but was stopped by Lenalee by pulling his arms.

"But Allen-kun..." Allen could felt that Lenalee was shaking in nervousness. "You heard what I heard from Lavi. He doesn't want to see Kanda."

"But Kanda has every right to!"

"But Allen-kun, how are you planning to tell Kanda?"

"What do you mean 'how'?" Allen shouted with a determined look in his eyes. "We just have to tell him that we know where to find Lavi and take him there asap!"

When Allen finished his sentence, a sound of broken glass and a dropped tray can be heard, prompting the couple to look behind them to reveal the man with long dark blue hair tied to a ponytail. His face had nothing besides shock.

"Kanda..."

"Repeat what you have just said just now, Moyashi," Kanda hissed as he made his way towards the couple.

* * *

Lenalee, Allen and Kanda stood in front of the entrance of the club Lavi was working at, shocked at what they are seeing.

"I-I can't believe Lavi is actually working here..." Allen commented, looking at the club with the name 'Maria's Bar and Host Club'.

"Just hurry up and enter," Kanda hissed. He was getting annoyed with the fact that his lost love was actually working as a host in all these years where he had frantically searching for him. Seeing that none of his friends were making any move, he took the first step in walking to the entrance, but was pulled by Lenalee.

"I... I thought I should warn you first Kanda," Lenalee said with a sad face. "Lavi... is not the Lavi we knew anymore... he seemed to have changed during these six years."

"And?" Kanda asked irritatedly at Lenalee with an eyebrow raised.

"Just thought... that I should warn you," Lenalee said as she released Kanda and she herself then quickly made her way into the club, followed by the two men.

"Sorry, not opened yet, so please come back later," the trio heard Cross said when he heard the bell at the door rang.

"Er... Mr Marian, it's me," Lenalee said, leading Cross to turn back to face the trio. Once again, Cross was smoking and Kanda seemed to mind about it.

"Oh, it's you," Cross exclaimed when he recognized Lenalee. So you really come back huh? And I presume the boys behind you are my baka nephew's 'old' friends as well?"

"Yes, Mr Marian," Lenalee replied.

"I see. Well, if you asked me that guy with the dark blue ponytail should have come alone."

The three gaped, shocked at what they just heard. Did that mean that Cross even knew that Kanda was Lavi's lover? Lenalee was about to ask Cross about it when suddenly was interrupted by Cross himself.

"Sorry, but Lavi's not here today."

"Huh?" the trio looked at Cross, slightly confused.

"I said, Lavi won't be here today. He's not working tonight."

Okay, that made Kanda snapped as he made his way up to the club's boss while glaring at him. He stopped in front of him.

"What the fuck do you mean Lavi won't be here today." Kanda snarled. Cross, however, replied him calmly, as if he could read Kanda's mind.

"You had better be careful of your language, brat," Cross snarled back at Kanda. "Lavi didn't run away if that's what you are thinking."

"Then why isn't Lavi here today?"

"He's just not working tonight. He's got an appointment today."

"An appointment?" Kanda asked, but the tone used could be heard by everyone that Kanda didn't really trust Cross' words.

"What appointment? Mr Marian?" Lenalee asked politely while Allen tried to pull Kanda away from Cross to prevent any potential fighting from the two.

"Doctor's appointment. It was scheduled this evening. So Lavi won't be able to come for work."

"But why? Is Lavi sick? He was just fine last night..."

"It's his own health problem that he has been having since he started working here. If you want to know, it's a psychological doctor he will be seeing."

All three froze upon hearing those words. Psychological doctor? Lavi had been seeing a psychological doctor for the past years? This was news to all of them and before he disappeared Lavi never had the need the see a psychological doctor or therapist. So Lavi started seeing a psychological doctor at a regular basis only meant one thing.

The incident happened six years ago had really affected Lavi a great deal, both physically and emotionally.

"Dammit," Kanda cursed himself as he slapped his forehead. "When is Lavi coming back? I-We want to see him..."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but you can only come back tomorrow pals."

"How about his address? His contacts? Can we get them from you?" Allen asked Cross.

"And what makes you think I will be giving you that?"

"Please... Mr Marian. We really want to see Lavi... We were separated for six years... six years! We all really missed him and unlike me these two still had not seen him and they really wanted to... especially Kanda..." Lenalee pleaded with Cross with a pair of sorrowful eyes, hoping it would work on Cross who she remembered Lavi mentioned before he had a soft spot for women.

True enough, Cross sighed before heading his way to the bar counter and took out a small piece of paper and wrote some words on it. He then passed the paper to Kanda, who managed to shove Allen away who had been restraining him in fear that he would pick a fight with the club's boss.

"Whatever happens after this I will not be held responsible," Cross stated clearly before he passed the paper. "It's going to be up to you brats."

"Thank you! Mr Marian!" Lenalee thanked Cross before joining Kanda and Allen to take a look at the address.

"Thank you, Mr Marian," Allen also thanked Cross before he and the two other made their way to the glass door of the club's entrance.

However, just when they were about to walk through the door and leave, another voice in the club was heard that made them stopped their footsteps.

"Uncle, I heard from Roger you cancelled all my customers appointments for today. May I ask what's the meaning of it?"

The eyes of the trio widened when they heard the voice, as the voice was a greatly familiar voice to all three of them.

"Huh? Why are you here, baka nephew?" Cross' voice soon followed after.

"And why shouldn't be?"

"Thought you had an appointment with Doctor Lulubell today?" Cross asked, as he too was shocked at the presence of the man he was speaking with, who stunned for a while with Cross' last few words before slapping his forehead.

"Shit."

"Don't tell me you've forgotten about it?" Cross asked with a surprise tone that his nephew could actually forgot such an important meeting.

"Great," the young man commented, moving his hand down from his forehead to his face, before putting it down. "Let me use the phone, I need to call Doctor Lulubell."

"Wait a minute young man," Cross said loudly when the young man was making his way to the phone at the bar. He looked at Cross with a annoyed face.

"What," he responded to his uncle irritatedly. The man was in a pretty bad mood.

"You came back at the right time though," Cross paused to inhale and exhale the smoke and to look at his nephew's puzzled face. "You've got guests."

"Huh?" his redhead nephew said as he saw Cross looking in the direction to the entrance, and he followed his view.

However, he was not prepared by what he saw.

Lenalee and the white-haired young man had turned back and were looking at him.

"Lenalee and... Allen?" the redhead gaped at seeing the couple.

However, what had shocked him the most was the man with a back view he was greatly familiar with, standing behind Allen and Lenalee at the entrance with his back facing him.

"...Yuu?" he called the name as the said man turned slowly to look at him eyes-to-eye. The young man at the bar widened his single emerald eye as he saw the revealed face of his ex-lover.

Kanda narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms at his lost lover before speaking.

"Long time no see, Lavi."

**END of chapter 2**

Omg... hope I manage to end the chapter well

didn't expect the chapter to be so long. Sorry for that!

So as usual, please REVIEW!

I may need them to continue the new chapter. Kinda running out of inspiration so will great and appreciated for all the support!

Ok so remember to review!

till next time Jya ne~~~

August-chan


	3. Doctor, Cure and Jealously

Disclaimer: Simple. I do _**NOT**_ own DGM.

Warning: Yaoi, Violence, Rape, Torture, Angst, Gore, and especially OOCness

Remarks: not much angst here, but a lot of descriptions and observations... sorry if u're gonna find the chp too naggy and too long...

Just a note: my next update will be after Christmas, due to exams, stress, workload, commitments, lack of inspiration and motivation, etc...

sorry if u feel like i'm ranting coz had to handle tons of work and school stuff these few weeks and I finally decided to kick my bed till my leg become red and swollen from the pain and frustrations caused

never knew that the sight of my blood could be so heart-warming

ok, hope my story of angst here will make it up to the lack of it in this chapter

Would like to apologise to all MaE fans... will try updating it asap! Promise!

ok then, Enjoy~~~

**My World Is Never Complete Without You**

**Doctor, Cure and Jealously**

_However, what had shocked him the most was the man with a back view he was greatly familiar with, standing behind Allen and Lenalee at the entrance with his back facing him. _

"_...Yuu?" he called the name as the said man turned slowly to look at him eyes-to-eye. The young man at the bar widened his single emerald eye as he saw the revealed face of his ex-lover._

_Kanda narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms at his lost lover before speaking._

"_Long time no see, Lavi." _

_The sound of the metal dropping on the marble floor could be heard. I spun around to the source of the sound, and immediately went behind the large pillar beside me to hide from the sight of the two people I knew, one standing and one squatting down in the lobby, with their backs facing me._

_My flight would be leaving in another forty minutes, and it was best that I better head for the counter for checking in, but the two people I knew were dangerously near from where I standing, making me hesitant whether I should leave my position to head to the counter and risk being spotted by them. _

_A few seconds later, sobbing sounds could be heard from the pair, and I sneaked a peek onto them. It wasn't surprising to me as I had expected it. Why? It's because I'm the cause of it. I was the one that brought the sadness and regret that the pair were feeling right now, especially the dark blue long-haired guy that was clenching his fist hard on his chest while his other hand clenching onto a letter, crying as he said something._

"_Lavi..." _

_My name. _

_He called my name as he cried hard, and in his hand he was holding very tightly the possession that I had returned to him._

_Upon the sight, I bit my lip, reminding myself that I had to hold back the feelings of despair, the feelings of regrets, and most importantly the unlimited feelings of love and longing. _

_I had to hold back, and reminded myself that I no longer had the rights to yearn for him._

_I had to hold back, and reminded myself what horrible things I had done to him._

_Without saying anything, without waiting for him, I made the resolve and selfish decision to stand where I was right now._

_Without saying anything, without waiting for him, I left him._

_Without saying anything, without waiting for him, I crumbled half of his world._

_Something warm and wet then suddenly could be felt on my cheeks as I heard the guy called my name, saw him clutched tightly onto the possession that was supposedly mine that signified our relationship, and felt the atmosphere of despair and regrets surrounding not only the pair, but surrounding me as well. I quickly turned around, back leaning onto the pillar and raised my hands to cover my eyes, hiding the tears falling continuously from my eyes._

_An announcement could be heard throughout the whole airport soon, informing everyone that the flight leaving for Russia would be leaving, and all passengers who booked the flight were to report for checking in asap._

_Upon hearing the announcement, I quickly used my gloved hand to wipe away the tears, but still they continued flowing, no matter how much I wiped away, no matter how much I tried to hold back, both my tears and my feelings of sorrow and regrets._

_No one had any idea, how much I wanted to run towards him, my precious one, to kiss him, to embrace him, to say that I love you, but my mouth opened, only softly saying two words instead of the three._

"_I'm sorry." _

_For leaving you behind without a word._

"_I'm sorry." _

_For bringing you nothing but misery and pain._

"_I'm sorry." _

_For being stupid._

"_I'm sorry." _

_For being selfish._

"_I'm sorry. Yuu..." I softly apologized, knowing that my lover from the other side of the pillar could not hear me._

_There goes the announcement again. I had to leave, right now._

"_Goodbye," I whispered as I turned my head and sneaked a glance at my lover for a while again._

_I then turned back, quickly put on my hood to cover my red hair and my teary eyes, grabbed my luggage and walked in the direction that was directly facing the back of the pair._

_

* * *

_

"Kanda, where are you going?" Allen asked as he turned the hinge of a door, opening it.

"Che," Kanda retorted rudely in response. "None of your business, Moyashi." Kanda then turned to walk down the hallway back to the bar.

"Wait!" Allen exclaimed slightly loud towards Kanda, who was walking away. "Lavi and Mr. Marian told us to wait here while they talk, didn't they?"

"Tch," was Kanda's reply as he quickened his steps down the hallway, despite Allen and Lenalee's calling.

There was no way he was going to wait for Lavi to come to them. There was no way he was allowing Lavi to let him wait in a room while he himself was standing somewhere outside his sight's reach. It would only give Lavi another chance to escape his clutches. And there was no way he was allowing that again, not after he finally found the redhead after searching for him for six long years.

Kanda thought back to the reaction Lavi had when Lavi saw him at the entrance of the club he was working in. They managed to lock their gazes with each other for some time after Lavi spotted him, with clear shock and mixed feelings showed on the face and his single emerald green eye.

Kanda then tried walking up to Lavi, but was stopped by Cross, demanding the trio to wait in a VIP room for Lavi as he said he had something important to talk to Lavi about.

"Sorry pals," Cross' last words towards the trio reflected in Kanda's mind. "It's either you guys wait in the room or you're leaving this place. Choose one."

"To the hell with that," Kanda retorted softly as he continued walking down the hallway to find the two redheads. As if he was allowing Lavi a chance. To run away. From him. Again.

Soon after, Kanda was about to reach the bar, but stopped in his tracks when he heard shoutings started.

"You what?"

"Oi, who said you could shout!"

"How could you do this? I thought it was the club's policy not to give our address to our customers!"

"In case you didn't notice or think it through, those people there are NOT customers. They're your old friends, isn't it."

"But that doesn't mean you can give them MY address without MY permission! Ever heard of the word 'privacy'?"

"As if I have never given you any. I haven't even seen where you live or what you do outside work."

"Then for what reasons you gave them my address? Lenalee was the one that asked you for it isn't it?"

"That's got nothing to do with it. They looked like they really needed it."

"Oh wow," Lavi said with an obvious and emphasized sarcastic tone. "Didn't know that you knew how to tend to any other people's needs other than women's."

"Watch your mouth, you brat," Cross said with an annoyed tone in response to Lavi's comment. "I still got your month's pay as a hostage and I know you _needed_ it."

Lavi tried opening his mouth to speak further, but decided against it. Cross was right. He needed his current month's pay if he wants to be able to survive the next month well without facing any financial difficulties, and not to mention he already had parts of his pay deducted by Cross for some of the troubles he caused for the month, including what happened last night although it wasn't really his fault.

Decided not to argue further, Lavi growled in annoyance and made his way to the phone.

"What, speechless already?" Cross said as Lavi picked up the phone.

"Shut up," Lavi said as he dialed some numbers and put the phone on his ear to wait for the person he was calling to answer the phone.

"Hi, Doctor Lulubell?" Lavi started speaking, indicating that the person at the other side of the phone had answered the call. "Sorry about today; is it possible that I changed my appointment to another day?"

Cross, upon hearing Lavi said those words, quickly walked up to Lavi to snatch the phone from him.

"H-Hey!"

"Sorry doctor," Cross said across the phone call to Dr. Lulubell. "Think you're free to see Lavi today? Like, right now or something? How about giving him twenty minutes to reach there."

"Hey! What do you think-" Cross cut Lavi's words off by cupping his mouth with his free hand while talking on the phone, though all he did was just nodding his head and say 'yes' for a few times. After a few exchanges between Cross and Dr. Lulubell, Cross put down the phone and put down his hand from Lavi's mouth.

Lavi glared and started screaming in anger and annoyance at his uncle when his mouth was free.

"What the hell was that for?"

"No use arguing with me, baka nephew," Cross growled out, and Lavi could tell it was not only in annoyance, but in anger as well. The next thing Lavi knew, Cross swiftly grabbed Lavi's wrist and pulled it up causing the sleeve to slip down slightly due to gravity, while his the other hand went to pull down somewhere of the scarf Lavi was wearing.

Kanda, who was watching everything from the entrance of the hallway he was hiding, was shocked to see what was revealed as a result of Cross' actions. His eyes widened due to the shock received.

Below the long sleeve revealed cut wounds on Lavi's wrist, still slightly bleeding where Lavi tried to hide it with its black-colored long sleeves and below the scarf on the neck there were scratch wounds, being hidden by Lavi's long dark brown scarf. Both wounds still looked fresh, indicating they were created not too long ago. Kanda had heard about Lavi's self mutilation six years ago from Allen but that was the first time he'd seen it with his own eyes.

"Mind explaining this? Baka nephew?" Cross narrowed his eyes and stared hard at Lavi, which Lavi could feel a shiver down his spine looking at it. However, he managed to stay calm and slapped away Cross' hand on his wrist and shoved Cross away.

"It's none of your business," Lavi exclaimed as he quickly turned, his back facing Cross and quickly re-organized his scarf and sleeve.

"I'm afraid it is," Cross said as he crossed his arms.

"Oh?" Lavi turned his neck ninety degrees to his left to partially face his uncle, his left eyebrows raised. "Since when did you care? And as what? My uncle? Yeah right, as if you do. You never did."

Cross sighed upon hearing those words and puffed out the smoke in his mouth. Lavi could tell Cross was feeling slightly hurt and disappointed.

"Baka nephew, take it that I'm worried because my business is going to suffer without you, well, not till that Suman stops coming."

"Wow, thanks. That sounds more like you now," Lavi commented with a smirk on his face, which he knew it would slightly annoyed his uncle. True enough, Cross suddenly grabbed his small hammer form the bar table and raised it, about to hit Lavi.

"What does _that_ suppose to mean? Huh? Baka nephew?" Cross growled, irritated, and he swung down his hammer to hit Lavi.

Lavi, however was able to dodge it and quickly ran somewhere from the bar away where Cross was standing.

"You better made your way to Lulubell right now if you don't want this hammer to land on that pathetic red head of yours," Cross exclaimed in annoyance tone while making his way slowly out of the bar table towards Lavi.

"I'm sure there's another red head here that hammer can land itself on," Lavi commented before running out towards the backstage to the door that led to the outside and the back of the club. He could heard his uncle shouting 'BAKA NEPHEW!' in annoyance at the door. He smirked for a while before heading out of the door.

Once he closed the back door, Lavi was about to take the opportunity to leave when suddenly the door behind him opened. Lavi, surprised, turned around to see who's at the door.

He regretted it, as Kanda was revealed standing at the back door, crossing his arms and his eyes narrowed at him.

"Running away?" Kanda snarled. "_Again_?"

Lavi slapped his forehead when he saw Kanda, because he had thought he had managed to lose his old friends' watch. He had thought that thanks to his uncle asking for a consultation for him right now would help him prevent any interaction and reminiscing with his old friends and also, any pleading and persuasion from his friends to go back to the life he previously had, which he was trying to avoid.

He was however, proven wrong. And worse, he was spotted by the person he was trying to avoid the most, Kanda.

"Sorry," Lavi tried saying something, hoping to make a good excuse for his escape. "I got to go for an important appointment. So I guess we could chat another time?" With that said, Lavi turned and tried to leave the scene but was pulled back by Kanda holding onto Lavi's wrist.

"I'm coming with you," Kanda exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"I said, I'm coming with you," Kanda exclaimed again, which Lavi could tell he was commanding and not asking for his permission. Lavi tried saying something to make Kanda changed his mind, but before he could say anything, Kanda tightened his grip on his wrist, triggering a little pain and causing Lavi to groan in pain.

"Unless you want those two inside to know about what's hidden under here, I suggest you listen to me."

"But how-" Lavi blinked in surprise.

"Heard your whole conversation with your uncle. I'm coming with you to see your doctor, whether you like it or not."

"But-Ouch!" Lavi groaned louder in pain this time as the grip on his cut wrist was tightened further. It seemed Kanda had planned to hurt the redhead further each time he refused him.

Realizing that he was unable to win the argument with Kanda, Lavi growled and said 'Fine', and then Kanda released him, satisfied with the redhead's answer. Though Lavi doesn't really care if his wrist was going to hurt further by Kanda, he decided to just go along with Kanda today as he didn't want to waste time arguing with him when he had an appointment right now. Furthermore he didn't want his two best friends Allen and Lenalee to know about his little 'hobby' he had on his wrist and neck. Though Allen already probably knew about the wounds on his neck as he was the first person to found out about it, he didn't know about the ones on the wrist. It would only caused unnecessary worry and anxiety to the two, especially Lenalee.

After massaging his wrist for a while, Lavi then started walking, with Kanda following behind closely, as if he was making sure that the redhead won't run away, again. This is especially so since Kanda didn't know the way to Lavi's doctor.

While walking on the way there, Kanda tried to start a conversation with Lavi, mainly to find out how Lavi was doing for the past six years.

"I can't believe that you were working in _that_ kind of place," Kanda commented with a slight growl. Anyone could tell Kanda was not happy with it. Well who wouldn't?

Lavi, instead of answering him, ignored Kanda as if he was just a stranger happened to be walking in the same route as him.

Kanda growled in annoyance when he was being ignored, but chose to forget it and start asking another question, remembering the conversation Lavi had with his uncle earlier.

"Who's Suman?" Kanda asked slightly in frustration. "Who is he to you?"

Again, he was ignored.

"Fine, then can you tell me what happened to your right eye?" Kanda asked another question again, but it seemed Lavi had no intention to talk to him at all.

Kanda growled louder in irritation, and decided to ask a question which he knew it would definitely made Lavi stopped in his steps.

"At least care to explain the wounds on your neck and wrist before I really tell those two back at the club waiting for us?" Kanda asked, though he probably knew the answer.

Upon hearing the question, Lavi stopped, and Kanda stopped behind him as well. Silence followed as both of them stayed still for a while, but was soon broken by Kanda.

"That wounds on your neck..." Kanda said softly as he looked at the place where the scratch marks were shown just now by Cross. "Moyashi mentioned to me about it, that you have been found wounding yourself on it a few times by him, six years ago." Lavi lowered his head while Kanda started talking about him and incidents happened six years ago, as if to prevent Kanda from seeing his facial expression he had.

"You... you're still having the wounds... even now?" Kanda said as he lifted his hand in an attempt to touch the place on his scarf where the wounds were hidden. Lavi, who later felt Kanda's hand close to him, immediately took a step forward to prevent any contact. Kanda blinked at the rejection, and put down his hand, head slightly lowered and eyes narrowed in disappointment.

"Lavi..." Kanda cried out to his lost love softly, with a hint of mixed feelings. He was about to say something more but was cut by Lavi.

"The boss of the club," Lavi finally started talking, and also started walking again.

"Huh?" Kanda looked up at the redhead and blinked at the sudden attempt of the redhead to finally talk to him. Kanda started to walk as well to follow Lavi behind again.

"The boss of the club... is my uncle," Lavi started explaining, answering the first question Kanda had asked him earlier. "Like I had told Lenalee last night, he offered me a job to be able to get myself a stable income to survive on my own. I'm living on my own, in case you don't know.

"As for Suman, he's just a customer of mine at the club. Hard to please, but I managed to because I'm the only one so far in the club or probably in his whole life that I beat him in chess."

"Chess?" Kanda raised an eyebrow to express his confusion.

"In case you didn't know, which I'm pretty sure you don't, Suman is the vice-president of the Noah Group, the largest toy company in London and he's famous for his chess skills. One day, he came to our club to be entertained by someone who wanted to make a deal with his company, and started playing chess with everyone there in the club. Of course, no one was able to beat him, until I came in and win him, no matter how many times we played again. That's where I got his attention, and now he frequently came, mostly to play chess with me. Apparently he had made me promise that if at any point of time he managed to beat me in chess I will have to fulfill one request of his."

The last few words made Kanda stopped in his steps and growled angrily at Lavi.

"What kind of request?" Kanda growled, glaring at Lavi. Lavi however kept walking as he answered.

"Don't know," Lavi replied non-chantedly, though he could feel Kanda's irritation. "I still haven't lose to him, though wouldn't really mind to."

Okay, that last comment was probably something Kanda definitely did not want to hear from Lavi. He then sped up towards Lavi to grab and lift Lavi's lower arm, causing Lavi to turn and face him.

"What do you mean by you don't mind losing?" Kanda snarled at Lavi. "How would you know what will he request for?"

"Just thought that losing to him will get him off my back. To be honest I'm getting bored playing chess with him all day long every time he comes, but my uncle refused to let me lose, something about me losing may cause him to lose face," Lavi commented before removing his arm from Kanda's grip, knowing what Kanda was thinking. " And Suman is not that kind of person."

"Oh yeah, and how do you know?" Kanda growled in irritation again as he grabbed Lavi's arm again.

"Apparently he's married, has a daughter and a family. So far he only came to play chess, nothing else," Lavi replied, also in an annoyed tone but this time he made no attempt to shove Kanda away. He just stayed where he was.

"And you think that proved he doesn't try to take advantage of you in _that_ way?"

"In case you didn't notice," Lavi glared at Kanda. "Not everyone thought of everything in _that_ way you do."

Kanda glared back at Lavi upon that comment.

"You know... we had a similar argument six years ago... did we?" Kanda narrowed his eyes at Lavi as he said those words.

Lavi, upon listening to those words, twitched slightly and froze in his current position, eye widened and began shivering in fear. Kanda could feel the atmosphere of fear from Lavi, and was about to talk to Lavi about it. But, not all things were able to go in your way, and interruptions tend to love to come at the right timing.

"Lavi?" a feminine voice was soon heard, bringing Lavi back to reality and he immediately pushed Kanda away to turn to face the source of the voice.

"Eh... Hi, Dr. Lulubell," Lavi greeted his doctor. Apparently he had reached the clinic without noticing it himself.

"Lavi, please come in," the doctor with a blonde hair and wearing a pair of sunglasses said, standing at the door which is the entrance of the clinic, gesturing Lavi to enter the clinic. "And your... friend is welcomed as well."

"Thanks Dr. Lulubell," Lavi said as he made his way into the clinic, walking past the doctor. Kanda did the same, and he could tell the blonde was eyeing at him when he walked past her, as if trying to make some observations.

Once all three of them entered the clinic, Lulubell gestured Kanda to take a seat in the waiting area while she and Lavi headed into the consultation room. As Lavi and Lulubell walked into the room, Kanda watched them walked through the door, and sat down on a chair, grabbed a magazine from a nearby shelf and started reading it.

* * *

"Please, take a seat," Dr. Lulubell gestured Lavi towards the chair, who sat down and relaxed on a comfortable lounge chair with his arms rested on the armrests while the doctor sat down opposite across Lavi on a four-legged stool. Once both are seated, Lulubell immediately asked a few questions that had been bugging her since some time.

"So, Lavi. Did you had a nightmare again?" Lulubell asked in a serious tone, and Lavi twitched and clenched his fists in response, which Lulubell noticed and that seemed to answer her question. She then sighed and moved her hand to lift up Lavi's wrist gently. "And I take it that you have mutilated yourself again after the nightmare? That's why your uncle have you come to me immediately instead of a later time like you wanted I suppose?"

"I didn't think that stupid uncle of mine will notice," Lavi answered with a slight annoyance.

"Hmm, I think by now he noticed that every time you had the wounds, you will having the same type of attire, like your dark-colored long scarf and long-sleeved shirt, instead of your usual orange scarf and short-sleeved shirt."

"You don't have to every time tell that damn geezer about my condition and everything we talked about here you know, it's not as if he care."

"I'm sorry Lavi, but I wasn't the one who made the previous observations," Lulubell immediately answered upon Lavi's comment.

"Huh?"

"Your uncle was the one that was making some of the observations, and watching out for your attire was something your uncle had requested me to do."

"Wow, fantastic," Lavi commented sarcastically. "Great now I have to watch out in front of him as well? And to think he claimed he will never interfere with my private life."

"Lavi," Lulubell said, which Lavi could tell there was a slight voice of authority. "I may be your doctor-in-charge, but Mr. Marian is a family. No matter how capable I am, I cannot heal your emotional wounds and scar, nor will I be able to help you cure the most. The most important cure in your emotional sickness, which I think I mentioned it not only to you but to all my patients as well, is your family and friends. Since you do have both family and friends, there is still hope for you, unless..."

"Unless?" Lavi asked with an eyebrow raised.

"It's either you are denying your sickness, or you are denying any help from the important people in your life that cares for you," Lulubell explained; her tone was getting more serious. "Your uncle do cares for you Lavi, but he doesn't know how to express his feelings very well, which if I have to grade it, he will fail terribly I must say."

"Yeah, that's only because without me his business will go busted," Lavi explained, closing his eye and refusing to believe that his uncle was that kind of person. Well, can't blame him since he didn't really have much fond memories shared with his uncle, but only a few annoying ones. Lulubell sighed in defeat, but then changed the subject from his uncle to someone else she thought of.

"That man who came with you today," Lulubell said, and she realized Lavi opened his eye quickly at the mention of the man. "Dark blue long hair tied up to a high ponytail, dark eyes, scary and always moody face. He's Kanda Yuu, your lover right?"

"_Ex-_lover," Lavi emphasized. "He just followed me on his own accord without giving me much say and choice."

"You seemed to don't mind him being close to you," Lulubell commented, which caused Lavi to immediately straightened up from his lying position on his lounge chair.

"What do you mean by that?" Lavi asked with a slightly surprised face, though he seemed to know the answer.

"You were quite close to him outside the clinic, and most importantly, you seemed not to mind him touching you."

"You're kidding; I pushed him away like any other guys didn't I?" Lavi said defensively. "Even if I didn't, I already got used to it; I'm a host after all."

"But Lavi," Lulubell tried saying something to make the redhead change his mind. "You shouldn't reject him, he may be able to help you."

"No," Lavi immediately answered with a straight face. "Anyone, but him."

"And why's that?" Lulubell asked, also with a straight face.

"Because..." Lavi tried finding the right words, but couldn't really though of a good excuse to not involve Kanda in the mess he was in.

"Honesty, Lavi," Dr. Lulubell however reminded Lavi it was important that Lavi be honest with her as his doctor-cum-counsellor.

However, Lavi clenched his fist, and decided that he didn't wish to argue with Dr. Lulubell about this.

"I'm... sorry, doctor. I just need you to know that he's the only one whom I have no intention of getting him involved."

Lulubell froze and stared at Lavi through her sunglasses for some time, before she sighed in defeat.

"Well, if you don't wish to say it, I cannot help it. Though I wished you could be more honest with me so that I know how to help you..."

"I'm willing to talk to you about anything and anyone, but he's the only exception."

"And do you mind explaining the reason for the exception?"

"... Sorry, I just... don't wish to talk about him at all."

"And how long do you plan to run away from him?" again, Lulubell asked with a serious tone, which usually it meant she expected honest answers from the redhead.

"... I just... don't want-"

"Get him involved?" Lulubell interrupted before Lavi finished. "Lavi, I heard that a lot of times. But that doesn't really answer the question. Firstly, you should have answered honestly to yourself why are you trying so hard not to get him involved, and the answer was pretty obvious, wasn't it?"

"It is?" Lavi asked with a confused face, which Lulubell responded again by sighing in defeat.

"Lavi, there are answers there in your heart already, but you refused to acknowledge them, as if acknowledging them will lead to a huge disaster. But if you asked me, all you have to do was to be honest with yourself, find the answers you have to your questions and confusion in your heart. Only if you do that, then I can say that you are halfway there in freeing yourself from the nightmares."

"Then why don't you just tell me? Tell me the answers I needed, doctor, before the nightmares kill me."

"I can't, Lavi," Lulubell answered without hesitation. "Such answers are better for you to find them yourself, if not there will be no meaning to all your suffering for the past six years."

"I don't understand..." Lavi mumbled, his eye shut tightly and his clenched fist tightened.

"When you found those answers, you will understand, Lavi," Lulubell said as she lifted up Lavi's sleeve to see the wounds on the wrist. After observing the wound for some time, Lulubell twitched slightly as if she realized something, and she immediately removed her sunglasses and opened her eyes fully to see the wounds more clearly.

"Lavi," Lulubell finally started speaking, with the most serious tone Lavi had heard since he started seeing her at a regular basis. The atmosphere in the room was also getting tensed. "Were you... trying to kill yourself?" Lulubell looked up and asked Lavi with the most serious face Lavi had ever since. And for some reason, Lavi knew that if he didn't go completely honest with Lulubell, he would get himself some serious trouble from her.

"Well... the thought of it was getting really tempting... so..." Lavi stopped talking when Lulubell released his hand and immediately had her hand to pull down an area of the scarf to see the wounds on the neck.

"Lavi, you are most probably the most stupidest coward I have ever seen," Lulubell said after looking the wound for some time and released Lavi to write some words on a paper on a pad she had on her lap. "What made you go to that extent? I thought I told you before that death is not going to solve any problem you are having right now."

"Like I said, it just got tempting... I almost couldn't resist..." Lavi hesitated as he answered. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it.

"Then what made you stopped?"

"Huh?"

"Your wounds indicated you were about to kill yourself, but you managed to stop before you made any serious damage. What made you stopped? Can you remember?"

Lavi thought carefully about it. It was then he remembered of the memories he were thinking of last night, just as he was about to cut himself to the point where he was on the edge of death.

"Well? What made you stopped?"

"I..." Lavi was hesitant to answer, because it would only bring the conversation back to the topic he was trying to avoid the most. Lulubell, however, being the observant doctor-cum-counsellor of Lavi for the past three years, knew the answer already.

"It was the guy outside, right?" Lulubell asked, bringing Lavi back to reality from his thoughts and looked up at Lulubell with a troubled and confused expression.

"And to think I decided not to get him involved at all..." Lavi said as he lifted a hand to rest on his forehead as if he was having a headache.

"You truly have no intention to be honest with me... or him? I think he has the right to know what you are going through."

"No," Lavi answered Lulubell flatly, not stating the reason as Lulubell already fully knew it. "There's no need for him to know. I broke up with him already."

"Or more like you ran away?" Lulubell said as she put back her sunglasses.

"Hell, you're saying the same thing as Lenalee."

"Only because it's true."

Lavi, unable to find himself to argue the doctor about this, sighed loudly in defeat and scratched the back of his head.

"Is there anything else you would like to talk about today?" Lulubell asked as she continued writing more words on the paper on her lap.

"Not any I could think of right now," Lavi answered. "Except, I probably need more sleeping pills. Don't think I can get to sleep easily without them tonight."

"I won't recommend that Lavi, because that is still proving you are running away from your problems and fears."

"Please, doctor, just for tonight," Lavi started pleading his doctor. "I need to sleep; but the nightmares won't allow me to."

"... All right," Lulubell finally gave in with a sigh of defeat. "But don't get too dependent on them."

"Thanks, you're an angel, doctor," Lavi thanked and commented before standing up and head towards the door.

"One last question before you leave," Lulubell suddenly spoke, causing Lavi to pause his footsteps at the door before he opened it. "Have you smoked today? And when?"

Lavi looked up for a while, pondering before he answered.

"Only in the morning I guess," Lavi finally answered while looking at his watch after pondering what he did for the whole day, and the only time he remembered smoking was in the morning. "About eight hours and thirty-six minutes ago. Why did you asked?"

"Oh just asking," Lulubell answered. "Just checking any signs of addiction. Wouldn't want that like your uncle. It's bad for health, both physically and mentally."

"... All right," Lavi accepted his doctor-cum-counsellor's answer, thinking that as his doctor she would always be honest with him just like he tried to most of the time. He then opened the door and walked through it to leave the room.

After making sure Lavi left the room and would not come back again suddenly, Lulubell then made a few more points on her paper regarding Lavi's condition, picked up the phone after that to dial a number and called someone.

* * *

"... All right, thanks Dr. Lulubell," Cross thanked Lulubell on the phone before hanging up. He then took out a cigarette from his cigarette box to put it into his mouth.

"Er... Mr. Marian?" a feminine voice belonging to Lenalee Lee started speaking to Cross, to ask about his conversation he had just now with Lavi's doctor.

"Yes?"

"That was Lavi's doctor, right?" Lenalee asked with a sad but hopeful face. "How was Lavi? Is he coming back with Kanda right now?"

"Well, according to Dr. Lulubell, your friend and that baka nephew of mine should be coming back here soon, after Lavi got some medicine from the clinic."

"Medicine?" this time Allen was the one asking with a voice of concern.

"Some medicine that helped him calm his nerves whenever he's nervous or stressed up," Cross replied while searching for his lighter on the bar table. "And apparently some sleeping pills as well."

"Sleeping pills?"

"That baka couldn't get to sleep peacefully without those pills it seemed. Had nightmares keep coming after him when he sleeps."

Lenalee gasped softly, hands began shivering and anyone could tell as the glass of fruit juice she was holding was shaking as well. Allen, who noticed this, quickly brought his hand to place them on Lenalee's hands, comforting her and assuring her everything would be all right in the end and he would make sure of that, so there was no need for worries. Lenalee turned to face her boyfriend upon receiving the warmth from her boyfriend's hand, and smiled softly; hands had stopped trembling. She then moved one of her hands up away from the hand on top on hers, and placed it on top of her boyfriend's hand to squeeze it, silently saying 'thank you' and signaling that she felt better right now.

"Wow, if only those two could be like you two."

The couple turned to face Cross at his comment when Cross saw how close and intimate the two were in front of him. The couple released their hands and blushed at the same time.

"But I guess it's all the fault of that baka nephew of mine," Cross continued as he assessed the situation of the troublesome couple in his mind. To him, Lavi was an idiot running away.

"Erm... Mr. Marian," Lenalee spoke to get Cross' attention in order to ask him a question she had in mind. "How much do you know about what happened to Lavi six years ago, before he left us?"

"Well," Cross removed the unlit cigarette in his mouth before answering. "To be honest, nothing much, except that he got raped by some guy other than his lover and got himself depressed majorly because of it, and the next thing, he ran away from his lover."

"Then..." this time Allen had a question in mind. "Do you know who did it? I mean, do you know... Lavi's... er... rapist?" Allen stuttered as he asked, as it was an awkward question concerning something big about Lavi.

"Huh?" Cross raised an eyebrow as he replied. "You mean even you guys didn't know?"

The couple shook their heads in response.

"Lavi never told us anything," Allen replied. "Now if I think about it, Lavi never did mention he was violated or being forced upon or something... It's just a lot of us could guess what happened due to the stark change in his behavior and habits, the way he hated his own body to the point of self mutilation, and the way he avoided us and many other people. I was the only one six years ago who had saw Lavi self-mutilated, and the words Lavi mumbled during the process... But whenever we asked him what exactly happened and who did it... He just refused to tell us.

"We tried calling Kanda to help, but Lavi did whatever he could to stop us, saying that Kanda is studying hard in Australia, and his exams were around the corner, so he didn't want Kanda to lose his concentration and affect his studies because of him. That's probably why Lavi had chosen to leave us only after Kanda's examinations, because he knew we will definitely called him when Kanda finished with his exams, and choosing that time would not cause any trouble for Kanda."

"But that long hair brat did do well in his studies, right?" Cross asked.

"Well, yes," Lenalee replied. "Kanda did quite well in his studies, and he came back with results enough for him to be a lawyer. Right now he's working as a legal advisor of his adopted father, Tiedoll company."

"Wait a minute," Cross suddenly interrupted. "By Tiedoll, you mean the President of the Black Order Group? That large toy company that could be the only company able to compete with the Noah Group?"

The couple nodded in response.

"Wow," Cross commented, slightly impressed. "If only that baka nephew of mine was just as successful as he is."

The couple looked at each other upon hearing that comment with sad faces. Cross noticed it and asked what's wrong.

"Lavi..." Allen started explaining. "His future could have been better than anyone of us..."

"Huh?" Cross said with an eyebrow raised.

"Lavi... his results was the best among us, being second in his high school years after Tyki. He was also the vice-president of the student's council, with Tyki being the president. Lavi was also hugely popular with girls and teachers as well. I remembered after graduation Lavi said he decided to become a doctor just like Bookman, and was even accepted into the Harvard Medical School of Harvard University, the top medical school of the world in the United States."

"Wow, didn't know that baka nephew of mine was so smart in school, and he even tried following in my pops' footsteps."

"He and Tyki could have went Harvard together with Tyki studying in the Harvard Business School, but when _that_ happened to Lavi... Lavi just immediately had himself withdrawn from the school, leaving Tyki to travel and study there alone..."

"Wait a minute," Cross interrupted again. "That guy with the long hair actually allowed Lavi to study overseas _alone_ with another guy?"

"Of course not," Allen replied immediately. "Kanda had expressed his objections towards this before, but Lavi insisted that Tyki had no interest in him, which Kanda always thought otherwise, ever since Lavi introduced them to each other. To Lavi, Kanda was just being paranoid and they even had a few quarrels and arguments over this, which almost all ended with Lavi apologizing and assuring Kanda that there will be nothing between him and Tyki."

"Hmm..." Cross sounded as he put back the cigarette into his mouth, having found the lighter on the table. "Was that Tyki guy really interested in my nephew?"

"Well..." Allen pondered for some time, then looked at Lenalee with uncertainty.

"I think Tyki _is_ interested in Lavi," answered Lenalee this time.

"He did?" Allen asked, with a confused face to his girlfriend.

"I'm not so sure..." Lenalee said as she began pondering into the past. "Though I did see some signs of it. Tyki, as the president, was really popular in school, and he had received many confessions from both girls and guys, but he rejected them all. Also, whenever Lavi was around him, Tyki always rejected other invitations in order to join Lavi in whatever Lavi was doing or to help Lavi whenever Lavi asked.

"And most importantly," Lenalee paused to check if a certain someone (Kanda) was around to hear what she was about to say. "I saw Tyki staring at Lavi a few times without Lavi noticing. For what reasons... I don't know..."

"I-I didn't know that..." Allen said as he scratched his head. He then had an something in mind. "Could it be... that Tyki was... the one... who..."

Both Lenalee and Cross looked at Allen with a slightly shock and serious expression, but Lenalee soon broke out of it as she remembered something.

"But..." Lenalee started speaking causing the two men in the bar to look at her. "Lavi told me before that it wasn't him..."

"You mean, you asked him before?" Allen asked, this time he was the one slightly shocked and serious. Lenalee nodded.

"Then I guessed that Tyki's not the one," Allen said, scratching his head again.

"Hmm..." sounded Cross as he turned, back facing the couple and smoked. Something was telling Cross that there was something wrong with this Tyki...

"Er... Mr. Marian?" the voice of Lenalee soon came to broke his trains of thoughts. He turned back to face the couple, and was about to ask something when he was interrupted by the ringing of the bell at the door.

"Welcome," Cross exclaimed before he sighed 'here comes a customer'. However, Cross wasn't very pleased to see the customer revealed through the door.

"Thought I told you Lavi's not working today," Cross said as he crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at the guy who just entered. "So what gives? Suman?"

Suman, instead of answering the boss, looked around as if searching for something, ignoring Cross.

"Oi! I'm talking to you Suman!" Cross was shouting this time.

Suman then narrowed his eyes and looked at Cross, finally responding to him.

"Where's Lavi?" Suman asked Cross, with a slightly irritated face.

"Are you deaf?" Cross replied, also in an annoyed tone. "I told you Lavi's not working today!"

"Sorry then," Suman answered, crossing his arms. "Lavi promised me last night that I could come today."

"Thought I cancelled your appointment you had with Lavi today?"

"Sorry, but that doesn't seemed to stop me from seeing him, does it?" Suman answered, this time with a smirk on his face. "Better called Lavi here now if you don't want your business here goes busted."

"Oh yeah?" Cross said as he exhaled the smoke in his mouth, mashed the cigarette in the ashtray on the bar table and walked up to Suman to stand close in front of him, chest raised high to show he was not afraid of him and glared coldly at Suman. "Why don't you try?"

The two men glared at each other from quite some time, before they were interrupted.

"Suman doesn't have to do that," a voice greatly familiar to both came through the hallway that led to the backdoor. "Sorry I'm late, Suman."

"No problem, Lavi," Suman said as he smirked at Cross before turning to meet his favorite redhead host. But soon stopped his advance towards Lavi when he saw him with another guy.

"And who might this be?" Suman asked, eyeing at Kanda with narrowed eyes. He then looked at Lavi. "You mean you were reserved?"

"No," Lavi answered flatly without hesitation. "Just ignore him."

Such a comment led to Lavi receiving a glare from Kanda. However, Kanda's murderous glare intensified as Suman ignored him like Lavi said, and immediately wrapped his arms across Lavi's shoulder, being very close to Lavi.

"So... how about another game of chess?" Suman moved his head close to Lavi's and said softly at Lavi's ear. "I have come out with new strategies and would like to try out. Maybe today I could finally beat you."

Lavi immediately took out a pack of cigarette to put a cigarette into his mouth, then lighting it, inhaling and exhaling smoke from his nouth before speaking.

"Sure, though I don't think I will lose."

Suman smirked at the comment, and the next thing anyone knew Suman's hand on Lavi's shoulder shifted to Lavi's waist, dangerously close to Lavi's ass. Kanda was glaring murderously at the scene, and he couldn't take it as he went up to the pair to pull Suman away from Lavi and grabbed him by his collar.

"Who says you could touch him like that?" Kanda hissed, sending a huge murderous intent to Suman, who did not wavered under the pressure.

"And who are you to stop me?" Suman asked, with an eyebrow raised. "And I suggest you let me go before I called the police for assault and blackmail."

"Oh yeah? Want to try me?" Kanda asked with a slight smirk on his face, which surprised Suman. Cross was also smirking at the scene. Cross seemed to like the answer Kanda was giving to that irritating and arrogant Suman. He was enjoying watching the scene but was interrupted by his baka nephew.

"Okay, that's it," Lavi said as he pulled Kanda away from Suman and stood in front of Suman as if he was protecting him from Kanda. "Sorry Yuu, I've got work so this is goodbye for the day."

"L-Lavi, what are you-"

"I'm going for work, Yuu," Lavi cut off Kanda's protest before he could finish. "So don't disturb me. You, Allen and Lenalee should really leave, like right now."

The couple who heard that tried to protest, but was all cut by Lavi.

"Just go home. All of you. I have nothing to talk with you guys today so leave me alone, would ya?" Lavi was talking with slight irritation in his voice right now. He had seriously wanted his old friends to leave as soon as possible.

"Lavi..." Kanda tried calling out to his lost lover, but was rejected harshly by him.

"Just go home Yuu," Lavi said as he put back the cigarette in his hand back into his mouth before walking down the hallway, followed by Suman with a smirk towards Kanda, Lavi then entered a room alone with Suman. Kanda growled, and was about to follow after Lavi in anger but was held back by a hand.

"Don't follow him. That baka nephew of mine is not going to like it, and I'm afraid it's not going to help you."

Kanda glared at the middle-aged boss of the club after shoving away from his grip.

"It's all your fucking fault!" Kanda snarled at Cross. "For what reason you gave him _this_ kind of job?"

"Oi, watch your mouth you brat," Cross snarled back at Kanda. "He can only blame himself for being too popular!"

"And what do you mean by that," Kanda narrowed his eyes and asked Cross.

"He didn't start working here as a host here."

"Huh?"

"He was the bar tender here in the first place, but due to high popular demand from the customers, Lavi volunteered himself to start entertaining customers as a host, even without me knowing."

"What?" Kanda snarled in shock.

"I'm serious," Cross said as he crossed his arms. "He himself starting entertaining customers on his own, and I only caught on after about three months, though when did he start I didn't know, even till now. I can swear that I offered him this job with the thought he will never agree to be a host, not after _that_ happened to him."

Upon hearing that last comment, Allen and Lenalee gasped softly, then lowered their head with sad faces. Kanda also gasped softly, clenched his fist, lowered his head to cover his eyes with his long bangs with a 'Tch', and gritted his teeth in his mouth, thinking about what happened six years ago, about how Lavi just left him without saying a word...

The trio then soon found themselves being locked in their own thoughts, thinking of Lavi and all of them realized that just like Lenalee said, Lavi had really changed. Their noisy and loud-mouthed but cheerful and caring redhead friend was gone, replaced by a moody, indifferent but quiet person who was almost the direct opposite of their Lavi.

To Kanda, Lavi had become a different person; his Lavi had gone and became unreachable. This person was not his lover that was able to complete his world, but in fact had further crumbled it.

The trio was then soon brought back to reality when Cross had shouted for one of his subordinates, Tomas to look after the bar while he went somewhere to attend to something else.

"You, you and you my Lady," Cross said as he pointed one by one at the trio, Lenalee being the last. "Follow me." Cross walked towards the hallway as he commanded the three.

"What the fuck do you want?" Kanda snarled. He was in a really bad mood right now after seeing Lavi rejecting him to get close to another guy. Right now his mind and soul were firing up by jealously.

"Just follow me brats," Cross said when he turned back to face Kanda. "If you want to know how to help that useless and baka nephew of mine that is."

"What?" Kanda said as he blinked at the last comment, while Allen and Lenalee just looked at Cross with a confused face. However, Cross did not seem to have the intention to repeat himself as he continued to walk down the hallway, as if telling the trio it was up to them if they wanted to follow him or not.

The trio, caring for Lavi, of course would do whatever they could to help Lavi from his troubles and problems, thus the trio looked at each other, Allen nodding towards the other two, before they quickly paced towards the older redhead to enter into a private VIP room that Lavi used to talk to Lenalee alone the previous night.

* * *

"All right," Cross said when the trio sat down on the couch and he had lighted up a cigarette to start smoking again.

"Argh..." was Kanda's first response though. "Do you mind not smoking?" Kanda said as he glared at Cross, as if telling him that it wasn't a request, but a order instead.

"Just bear with it," Cross however chose to ignore him. "Just want to confirm some things, especially with you, Kanda Yuu."

"Che," was Kanda's reply. "What?"

"Heard from the doctor that Lavi doesn't seem to mind being touched by you, is it true?" Cross asked flatly and immediately straightforward without hesitation for he was the type that would not to drag a conversation with useless words and topics and get to the main point.

"Huh?" Kanda was looking at Cross with a serious but confused expression. "How would you know that?"

"Dr. Lulubell told me you were pretty close with Lavi outside the clinic, with you grabbing onto him. And most importantly, he didn't reject you."

"Che," Kanda however growled in reply, though he would be happy if that last comment was true. But to him, it wasn't. "Lavi pushed me away in the end in case you didn't hear that from that blonde doctor."

"But that doesn't mean he _rejected_ your touches," Cross said, emphasizing the word to make his point, hoping Kanda would understand. "And certainly that doesn't mean he _hated_ your touches." Cross made his point more easier to understand.

"What?" Kanda's eyes widened at the comments.

"You heard me," Cross removed his cigarette from his mouth to blow out the smoke inside, and put the cigarette back in. "According to the doctor, Lavi showed no signs of hate and fear, thus no real rejection towards _you_ touching him."

"W-What... do you mean..." Kanda asked, words coming slowly from his mouth.

"He pushed you away to purposely reject you, unlike the other guys whom he involuntarily rejected out of fear."

Kanda froze at the comment. Cross exhaled all the smoke in his mouth before continued speaking.

"Whenever someone he didn't know or a customers in the host club were to touch him, he may tend to get nervous at the touch or rejected it involuntarily due to the fear of being touched as a result of what happened six years ago.

"However, for you, Lavi did reject you earlier, but he didn't reject you involuntarily out of fear of the touch, but because he wanted to reject you on purpose, due to a different kind of fear. When it involved other people's touches, it was the fear for his loss. But in your case, he didn't fear or hate the touch, but he feared something else, something about you that makes him want to reject you but not as a fearful, involuntarily response."

Cross explained to Kanda, hoping it would bring some inspiration to the young man.

"It was a rejection he decided it with his heart and mind, not the body decided it for him due to a traumatic experience. Well, at least that's what that blonde lady doctor said to me several minutes ago."

Kanda froze again at the words from Cross and eyes widened in surprise. Allen and Lenalee gaped, jaws dropped and mouth opened, which Lenalee closed it with her hands.

Time passed, with all three unable to say anything due to the news and observations they heard from Cross and indirectly from Lavi's doctor's Lulubell. The silence was soon broken though.

"But..." Allen started speaking after some time, breaking the silence as he noticed something. "You said Lavi gets nervous every time someone touches him in work, but how do you know if Lavi wasn't nervous when Kanda touches him?"

"Oh simple," Cross replied. He turned to face Kanda, then exhaled some smoke out, irritating Kanda, who turned his head to the side and used his hand to sweep away the smoke in the air. "Did that baka nephew of mine smoke in front of you?"

"Huh?" Kanda turned back and raised an eyebrow to show his confusion.

"Just answer the goddamn question."

"No," Kanda immediately answered, as he could not recall a time where Lavi had smoked in front of him today.

"Then," Cross replied, staring hard at Kanda. "Did you notice Lavi started smoking when that Suman guy started going close towards him and touching him?"

"... You don't mean..." Kanda mumbled, realizing something in the conversation he was having with his lost lover's uncle.

"That's right, baka," Cross exhaled the smoke again, this time mashing the shortened cigarette into an ashtray on the table. "Lavi always smoked during work, not because of addiction, but is to calm his nerves when he was being touched by the customers so as not to show his nervousness.

"According to that doctor, Lavi said he did not smoke for at least eight hours and thirty-six minutes before meeting you, and if he did not smoke in front of you..."

"That means Lavi was not nervous whenever Kanda touches him!" Lenalee exclaimed in delight, face showing a hopeful expression. "This means Lavi still don't mind you touching him. He still loves you; there's still hope for you, Kanda!"

Kanda had his eyes widened and mouth slightly opened, face showing a shocked expression.

"A-Are you serious?" Kanda asked, making sure he did not hear anything wrong, making sure that it was true that there was still hope for him and Lavi; there was still hope that Lavi would come back to his side, allowing him to embrace and touch him like he always dreamed of for the past six years...

"Never been more," Cross replied with a soft but sincere smile on his face, confirming Kanda's doubts, bringing joy and hope to the trio, especially Kanda. No one had any idea how much the news delighted him. No one had any idea how elated Kanda was when someone other than Allen and Lenalee had encouraged him to continue chasing after Lavi, despite Lavi's continuous rejection and Lavi's decision to not get him involved in what was Lavi going through for the past six years.

"Oh god... Lavi..." Kanda whispered to himself as he lowered his head, locked his hands and placed them on his forehead, as if thanking God for granting him a second chance to chase after the one he loved the most, to chase after the person he desired to be with for eternity, to chase after the only one on Earth that could complete his current incomplete world.

**END of Chapter 3**

ok, as usual, PLEASE REVIEW

i'm seriously gonna feel like biting someone's head off

so save me, from this agony

give me some motivation man!

till next time,

Jya Ne~~~

August-chan


	4. Visit, Money and Kiss

Disclaimer: Simple. I do _**NOT**_ own DGM.

Warning: Yaoi, Violence, Rape, Torture, Angst, Gore, and especially OOCness

Thought I should announce this more clearly this time.

There is major **OOCness**. Had mentioned in the first 3 chaps, but thought I better make it more clearly this time.

Note: had changed all my line breaks to _****Break****_

Message from me: So sorry I hadn't update for such a long time...

exams are the devils, writer's block is hell while laziness/sloth is a sin =_=

anyway, without further ado, enjoy~!

**My World is Never Complete Without You**

**Visit, Money and Kiss**

"_A-Are you serious?" Kanda asked, making sure he did not hear anything wrong, making sure that it was true that there was still hope for him and Lavi; there was still hope that Lavi would come back to his side, allowing him to embrace and touch him like he always dreamed of for the past six years..._

"_Never been more," Cross replied with a soft but sincere smile on his face, confirming Kanda's doubts, bringing joy and hope to the trio, especially Kanda. No one had any idea how much the news delighted him. No one had any idea how elated Kanda was when someone other than Allen and Lenalee had encouraged him to continue chasing after Lavi, despite Lavi's continuous rejection and Lavi's decision to not get him involved in what was Lavi going through for the past six years._

"_Oh god... Lavi..." Kanda whispered to himself as he lowered his head, locked his hands and placed them on his forehead, as if thanking God for granting him a second chance to chase after the one he loved the most, to chase after the person he desired to be with for eternity, to chase after the only one on Earth that could complete his current incomplete world._

_The first time I met him was in high school first year, about four months after the semester started, where he was a new transfer student being introduced in my class. _

"_Good morning, My name is Lavi and it's my pleasure to meet you all," he greeted as politely as he could with a bright and sincere smile on his face._

_My first impression of him was cheerful, loud-mouthed, noisy and irritating to the boot when watching him spending time in class at his first day of school, where he was already greatly welcomed by the class, especially by the girls. _

_Sure I admitted he had the looks to attract the girls. Red hair, bright green emerald eyes that matched his hair perfectly and the flawless face that could melt anyone's heart once he smiled brightly at him or her. Not only that, he was smart and was able to impress the teachers and the classmates with his vast knowledge and experience in history and cultures, for it seemed he had travelled a lot with his grandfather before coming into high school after his graduation from his middle school._

_And also, he could always come out with silly jokes to tell the class and stupid, funny but friendly pranks to play on people. With that outgoing and cheerful personality of his, he soon became popular in class and school and every morning, every break and lunch time, I would always see him being surrounded by classmates that always asked him for help in their homework, asking to share his experience when traveling and asking for new jokes and fun to play as a form of entertainment._

_Months passed, and he got himself one of the best grades, being the second in school. This was... incredible, for someone who only started four months after school term started, with four months of work to catch up with the rest of us. He was thus called a genius by everyone, though he always humbly rejected the idea and claimed them as flattery. _

"_If I'm a genius, then Tyki's a super-human alien genius," he exclaimed one day with a huge grin on his face._

_I couldn't deny that he had gotten my attention. For I couldn't help but noticed his red hair that matched well his passionate character that always do whatever he could to help others, be involved in whatever's exciting in activities whether it is in school or outside school, and being committed and never give up on his dreams and decision once he decided one. He had openly declared that he wanted to be a doctor, so he really worked hard in his science and medical studies, and signed up for many school trips when given a chance to go volunteering in poor countries and learning more medical and cultural stuff from other countries._

_I couldn't help but noticed him as being the class representative (was chosen and voted for), he was always full of spirit and enthusiasm in all class and school's activities as he tried getting everyone in class involved, including me, despite my rejection._

_However, what made me noticed him the most was during the time where our class had to prepared for the school's anniversary festival, where our class were chosen to do a play of the 'Sleeping Beauty'_

"_Oh come on, Kanda," he said to me. For some unlucky reasons, I was chosen to play the role of the prince. "It's got to be you for this role!"_

"_Hell no," I replied him rudely. There was no way I'm going along this stupid plan of his._

"_Is it because you're too embarrassed to kiss the 'princess'?"_

"_Well no means NO," I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him while telling him this fiercely. "Besides, the class wouldn't want me to take the role. I think the princess will prefer YOU more for this role."_

"_But I don't think I'm suitable for this role," he replied firmly. "I don't have that 'princely' look and aura. But I think you do."_

"_What makes you think I have?" I asked him in a tone that silently told him that he had better given me a satisfied answer before I strangled him._

"_Ever since the first time I saw you," he started explaining. "You've always give the stern and cool look and aura. Though sometimes you give off a fearful atmosphere and glare around your surrounding, I think other times you gave some kind of charismatic atmosphere._

"_And not to mention, you've got the looks and the charms. It's totally the prince figure I had in mind. Stern and cool so as to not easily influence by others, a fearful atmosphere and glare to scare your enemies while protecting your important people and country, the charismatic atmosphere to influence others, and of course the unique and different face, body build, eyes color and this," he pointed to my hair. "The unique, beautiful long hair."_

_I was stunned. That, was the first time anyone complimented on my hair. Ever since I moved to London to live with my irritating adopted father, I always stood out as someone really different due to my Asian roots that explained my dark eyes and long dark blue hair. Many boys since my elementary and middle school years laughed at me at keeping a long hair that practically made me look like a girl, and I always got teased and laughed at because of it._

"_You might as well put some breast on your chest and make yourself a girl~~" teased a boy I remembered in my middle school days, which I responded by fighting with him and getting myself a detention and leaving a black mark in my records, despite Tiedoll coming all the way to school to help me asking for a second chance. _

_I had seriously thought of cutting my hair, but every time I thought of that, my parents' words would always flashback in my mind when I was little, before they died when I was still in elementary school..._

"_You know Yuu," Mother said as she combed my hair. "You really have a beautiful hair... just like your father's. It would be a shame to cut it."_

_I always refused to cut it as it was one of the things I only had left from my parents before they left. The hair I inherited from father, and the tenderly care mother had for it every time she took care of it whenever she washed it, combed it and tied it. If I thought back, I could still feel mother's touches. Which was why I always gritted my teeth whenever I had someone mocking at my hair, no matter how angry I was at them for mocking at the hair I got from my parents._

"_Erm... Kanda?" the redhead immediately brought me back to reality as he stared as me while I daydreamed about my parents and my hair._

"_Che," I retorted. "Thought you would make me a princess instead of a prince. Thought my hair looks more like a girl." I said, as if I'm admitting to him and myself that I really looked like a girl. Damn what had I just said._

"_What are you saying?" he asked with a confused look on the face. "There's no doubt you're a guy and I think you looked really cool in long hair. In fact, I think your hair's really nice and it suits you. It would be a shame to cut it."_

_I was stunned again. Hell, does that guy even know what's he's saying? And worse, he's saying the same thing as my mother. Other than my parents, he was the first person who actually complimented my hair while declaring loudly that I was no doubt, a guy. He even said that me, a guy with a long hair was suitable and cool..._

"_So?" I was once again pulled back into reality by his voice again. "Come on, just play as a prince. Wait a minute... Are you blushing?"_

_I immediately realized my face was being hotter than normal, and quickly covered my face and turned around to hide my blush._

"_Hey you are! Are you that embarrassed that I said you looked cool with long hair?"_

"_S-Shut up!" I exclaimed, refusing to look into his face._

"_So I'm taking that you're playing the prince," he exclaimed before turning back. "Rehearsal's tomorrow so make sure you come okay?"_

_Before I could even say anything, he ran off. I growled in annoyance before walking off, but was stopped again._

"_By the way, can I called you Yuu instead?" I stunned. Okay that's it. That guy had got a death wish. _

"_Hell no," I replied rudely. "Called me that again and I will maimed you." I threatened with a cold and murderous glare. I hated people calling me by my first name._

"_Why not? It's a really great name!"_

_Again I was stunned for a third time by a comment from this redhead. Just like my hair, my name was also laughed at for being too girlish, which was why I hated people calling by my first name._

"_If I recalled, 'Yuu' means gentle and superior. I liked that," he exclaimed, and I saw a sincere smile on his face that totally melted my heart and soul. "Guess that's one more reason why you should be a prince. A gentle and superior prince. I like that! You totally got to be the prince!" _

_No way. There was someone other than that stupid Tiedoll that liked my name. And instead of calling me by my first name nonchalantly without due care, this stupid redhead seemed to convince me by explaining the meaning behind my name which I don't think anyone knew, including that stupid adoptive father of mine. He even liked the meaning behind it and decided to use them to his advantage. In some way, it irritated me but also in some other ways, it made me happy._

"_Well, got to go. Guess I will see ya!" he exclaimed as I watched him running off again. As soon as he was out of sight, I covered my face as I walked, realizing that I was blushing again. That, was the first time anyone liked my name and my hair, which everyone made a laughing stock of. That, was the first time anyone had say such things that totally surprised and stunned me, into my heart. That, was the first time, in so long, that I was so glad and happy that someone complimented something about me._

_This was probably what prompted me to introduce him into the group I always hang out with, which were that moyashi and Lenelee. The two liked him instantly, and he and that moyashi could get along really fine, which for some reasons, disturbed me. Also, despite knowing he could have already gotten a lot of invitations and company, I always hinted him to join me and my group in lunch time, which for some reason he didn't mind and decided to start hanging around us and be part of the group after some time passed. Moyashi and Lenalee greatly welcomed him and we all enjoyed his stay with us even though he still irritated me most of the times._

_Almost a year had passed and our group never separate or broke apart, even though that baka redhead still got on my nerves countless times and the thought of killing him kept increasing every day. But still, for some reason, I wanted him to stay, play and chat with me and be close to him._

"_Hey Kanda," Lenalee talked to me at one time where I was with her alone with lunch; both Lavi and Moyashi were busied with preparing some school stuff as the representatives of their classes. "Do you like Lavi?"_

_I choked and spilled my Japanese tea that I was drinking at the moment, catching the attention of the students in the school cafe. I coughed for a few seconds, then turned to look at her._

"_What the fuck do you mean by that?" I asked, being slightly serious and angry, though confused. To my annoyance, she giggled in response._

"_Oh Kanda," she said as she reached into her pocket for a black handkerchief and offered it to me. "In case you didn't notice, it was so obvious to me that you like Lavi... in THAT way." she winked to me as I accepted the handkerchief._

"_Like I said," I spoke after I wiped away the spilled tea on my face. "What the fuck do you mean by that?"_

_Lenalee giggled again. After that, she looked at me with a bright smile on her face._

"_I think you know the answer to that, don't you?" the bell rang immediately after that and she ran off after bidding me goodbye to her next class._

_Time passed quickly soon that day, and I was walking along the corridor of classrooms after a tiring English remedial lessons. For some reasons, Lenalee's words during lunch break was still running in my mind while thinking of the redhead. In fact, the words kept running the whole day after that and I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing most of the time today and the teachers kept catching me not paying attention._

_And what's worse, an obvious red colour caught my attention suddenly in one of the classrooms I just passed by, sitting down with his head and arms lying on the table. Come to think of it, I did not see him the whole day today ever since lunch break and I heard that the class representatives are all busy helping out with the student council with something I couldn't bother to remember._

_It was getting really late, so I thought I better go get the redhead inside to go home. I went inside, hearing silence but an even breathing from Lavi, indicating he was sleeping. I sighed as I walked up to him, only to see a peaceful sleeping face on a pair of crossed arms on the table, face on the side. Guessed he was really tired so I thought it's better not to wake him up yet. _

_But for some reason, I couldn't help but kept my eyes on his peaceful face that somehow made me feel soothing and... warm. I couldn't help but keep staring at the face full of peace and comfort, sending a warm feeling to my heart that could melt any cold air lingering me before seeing him. For some reason my heart suddenly beat faster, and I could feel a weird burning sensation in my heart._

_My eyes suddenly changed from looking at his face to looking at those slightly parted lips of his. They looked red and... soft. My heart beat even faster looking at those lips again, wondering what it felt like to have those soft lips on your own. Impulsively, as if there was a pulling magnetic force from those lips or mouth from his, I went forward to lean closer to him, and softly and gently planted my lips against his lips._

_His lips were indeed soft, warm and soothing at the same time, making me wish time would just stop in that moment, and that he would not suddenly wake up from such a cowardly action from me._

_****Break****_

"Come on Kanda walk faster!" exclaimed Lenalee as she and Allen brisk-walked excitedly in front of the long-haired Japanese.

Kanda growled slightly and picked up his pace to catch up with his two friends who stopped at a cross junction, Allen glancing around while checking with the paper he had in his hands.

"Let's see..." Allen looked around again, then suddenly saw something and pointed in the direction of his sight. "That way!"

Allen walked towards the direction he just pointed, followed by his girlfriend and Kanda behind. They crossed the road and then stopped in front of a tall building. Allen checked the address written on the small piece of paper again.

"Yup, this is the place, guys," Allen announced to his two companions. He then put the paper into pocket and went into the building, followed by Lenalee and Kanda. They soon reached the lift. Allen pressed the up button, and the trio entered when the lift came. Allen yawned loudly as the door closed and the lift went up.

"Allen-kun," Lenalee said out of concern. "Are you tired?"

"Yeah... Got some work needed to take care of before I slept," Allen replied.

"You should have slept more if you are tired," Lenalee said as she held her boyfriend's hand. "Kanda and I could come ourselves."

"It's all right, Lenalee," Allen said as he squeezed back.

"Che," Kanda suddenly made a sound, breaking up the good atmosphere between the two. "Just don't expect me to carry you home later if you fall asleep."

"I won't," Allen replied firmly and a bit annoyingly before yawning again. Lenalee then looked at her watch on her wrist.

"But actually... I think we came too early. It won't be another one hour's time Lavi will reach home. Maybe we should have informed Lavi and come later."

"No way," Kanda immediately replied. Lenalee turned to look at Kanda.

"That's a bad idea," Allen spoke immediately after Kanda. Lenalee turned again to look at Allen. "Lenalee, you know Lavi's trying to avoid us. I doubt he will come home if he knows we are going to his apartment."

"That's true..." Lenalee agreed, and it wasn't long that the lift stopped, door opened and the trio left, Allen in the lead towards the fourth room after turning right.

"This is it," Allen took out the paper in his pocket to confirm the address on it. "Well then Kanda, if you would- Kanda?"

Allen had turned around to face Kanda, but he saw Kanda had his eyes on something else on the door next door instead. Kanda was so focused on what he was staring at he didn't really heard Allen's calling.

"Kanda?" this time Lenalee hit Kanda lightly on the stomach with her elbow, which worked well as they finally had Kanda's response. Kanda looked at Lenalee in annoyance, then faced at Allen with a more annoyed expression. But he soon realized what was going on when Allen was pointing at the door in front of them. He immediately knew what he had to do.

"Che," Kanda responded before he went forward; Allen stand aside to let him through to stand in front of the door. Kanda then took out a key from his pocket and used it to unlock the door lock. Slowly, he turned the knob and opened the door.

_****Break****_

"Can I go now?" a young redhead asked in slight annoyance another redhead but older. The middle-aged redhead was blocking the way by standing in front of the door.

"Not until you tell me how much have you pocketed from that Suman today," the older redhead replied while puffing out the smoke from his mouth.

"Seriously, do we have to go through this every single time I have a customer?"

"Only because you are breaking the rules," the older redhead began glaring at the younger one. "In case you didn't notice, baka nephew, you have already broken three fucking rules. First, you allow people like Suman to touch and grope you in _that_ way. Second, you even charged them every second for it, and last, you kept those money into your own pocket!"

"Well," the nephew crossed his arms and looked at his uncle in a very annoyed expression. "Since you hate me doing such things this much, how about considering to stop blaming me and docking my pay for every little damage happening here?"

"That's because those were mostly your fault and responsibilities! How about trying to get those stupid lovers of yours to stop coming to the club and begin going crazy with dangerous weapons and threats to commit suicide!"

"Argh... how many times must I tell you," the younger redhead was getting pissed at his uncle. "THEY ARE _NOT _MY LOVERS!"

The conversation between the two redheads soon began from normal conversation to shoutings and rantings at each other. The other employees quickly went up and positioned themselves nearby, but out of their sights.

"Well!" a deeper voice belonging to the boss was heard in response to the loud one from his nephew. "It's your bloody fault for giving them false hints! How many of them did you allow them to grope that fucking stick of yours! How about that ass! Bet it's sexy enough to attract so many of our customers lustful needs huh! And how much did you charge for it?"

"None of your business!" the other redhead was shouting back angrily.

"I thought we went through this many times! You of all people should fully know we don't give _that_ kind of service! Stop breaking the rules!"

"It's just touching for only £1000 per visit! It's only about one-sixth of my actual monthly pay! At least I didn't get them to bed! I'm not that stupid!"

"Baka!" this time the boss punched his nephew on the head when his nephew finally confessed in anger what his uncle had wished and had ordered him not to do in his club.

The younger redhead cried out in pain. His uncle had really hit him damn hard.

After that all the shoutings had stopped. Both redheads started panting. The redhead with one eye covered with a black eye patch looked up at the single red eye on the face of his uncle.

There was definitely anger in that eye, but disappointment and frustration were mixed in as well.

"Lavi," this time the older redhead started speaking softly, but was loud enough for his nephew to hear him. "This is a host club, _not_ a whore club. If you don't know the difference between this two, I suggest you stop working till you fully know it."

"Whatever," Lavi turned his head to have his eye averted away to prevent looking into the eye of his uncle.

"Lavi, is it about money?"

"None of your business."

"It is if my nephew has succumb himself so low to the point of letting himself being taken advantage to earn more money."

"Then how about stop docking my pay like I mentioned earlier?"

"As if that is going to stop you. There are a few months I didn't dock your pay at all but I still have others telling me you are charging customers for touching or hugging you."

Silence followed.

Lavi couldn't argue back.

"Hell, Lavi," Cross said as he brought out the cigarette from his mouth. "When did you get yourself infatuated with money to _this_ point. I thought you learned from pops that money is just a superficial matter in this world that couldn't buy the most important things in your life. He always brought you with him in his travels to teach you this isn't it?"

"Sorry," Lavi began to move forward to his uncle. "Doesn't sound convincing from someone who spent his money on women, alcohol and gambling."

Lavi tried pushing his uncle aside to head for the door. But it seemed his uncle had no intention to move.

"Don't tell me," the boss this time lowered the volume of his voice to the point where only his nephew who was beside him could hear him. "That whole fucking rape incident six years ago actually taught you that money revolves everything around the whole world?"

Lavi's eye widened at that comment and snapped. Immediately, one of his hands tightened into a fist and sent straight onto his uncle's face. Cross had no time to respond to the punch and soon lost his balance and landed on the floor.

When he landed, Cross looked up at Lavi, with a hand on his slightly swollen right cheek and slight shock on his face. He had expected Lavi to respond greatly to his comment, but he didn't expect Lavi to get violent. Employees that had anticipated this quickly came out from their hiding places and went to comfort their boss, and also to prevent anymore fighting from the two redheads that were related.

Cross soon narrowed his eye and was about to yell at Lavi for punching him in the face. As a host, the face was very important and Lavi should have known that very well. But he changed his mind soon after when he saw Lavi panting, whole body trembling, fist throbbing with pain, and his lone left eye filled with nothing but anger, pain, humiliation, fear and sadness. His face was obviously showing that he was going to cry but did his best to hold back.

Cross then realized his mistake. Before he had the chance to say anything, Lavi had bolted out through the door and left the club.

"Shit," Cross commented as he slapped his forehead, angry at himself, while his employees tried helping him up and tending to his swollen cheek.

_****Break****_

Lavi was walking at a rapid pace. He had accidentally bumped onto one or two people but he couldn't care less and just walk off. He just wanted to reach home as soon as possible, without talking to anyone and without anyone seeing his face, especially his teary eye. No matter how much he tried holding back, there was just no way he could, not when it was about the incident six years ago that crumbled his whole life.

Not only that, it seemed to have changed everything in his life, about him, and especially... himself.

"_Don't tell me that whole fucking rape incident six years ago actually taught you that money revolves everything around the whole world?"_

Cross' words kept ringing in his head. He had no idea why it had affected him this much to the point he actually raised his fist against his uncle.

Great, another opportunity for him to dock his pay.

Just when he needed the money to-

Lavi's thoughts were soon broken by another bump. Just like the previous bumps, Lavi tried to get away but was pulled by the person he just bumped onto instead.

"Lavi?" Lavi immediately recognized the voice and quickly pulled himself away from the hold, turning to wipe away the tears on his face.

"Lavi, what's wrong?" the man asked again in concern.

"Nothing you should ask," Lavi replied quickly to avoid any suspicion. He hoped that the man had not noticed the tears before.

"Well... if you say so," upon those words, Lavi jumped as he suddenly felt hands touching and arms wrapping around his waist. Lavi began to shiver involuntarily and his heart was pumping rapidly as he felt a head resting on his shoulder.

"W-W-Wait a minute... don't... S-S-Suman..." Lavi was getting nervous and uncomfortable at those touches.

Shit he needed a puff, right now.

The next thing Lavi knew, he was pulled into a nearby alley to avoid anyone watching, though the number of people on the streets right now could probably be counted with anyone's fingers. It seemed Suman had thought Lavi was just being embarrassed for doing such things on the streets.

"What's wrong Lavi?" Suman asked as he cupped Lavi's left cheek. "You looked like you're... in pain."

Lavi, without looking at Suman's eyes, pulled Suman's hand away from his face and quickly grabbed his cigarette box from his pocket to pull out a cigarette and put it in his mouth. But before he could take out his lighter, Suman had already lit his lighter to light up Lavi's cigarette. After a deep inhalation, Lavi breathed out the smoke in relief; his shivering had stopped and his nervousness was gone.

Lavi hesitated, but soon gazed up to look at the eyes of Suman Dark, who was patiently waiting for the redhead to notice him and talk to him. He could sense genuine concern from those eyes of his. But Lavi also noticed something else as well.

"Don't tell me... you had a quarrel with your wife again, Suman?"

Suman's eyes slightly widened in surprise. But soon narrowed and he grinned slightly in amusement.

"As observant as always..." Suman said as he went forward to hug Lavi. "I need comfort..."

Lavi showed no resistance as he made another puff again.

"Then I should let you know," Lavi said as he made another puff, and kept the cigarette in his mouth. "Making me work overtime is gonna cost you double."

Lavi was glad the burning cigarette was still in his mouth as he felt Suman's embrace tightened.

"Triple if you stay with me till sunrise," Suman whispered seductively at Lavi's ear with a smirk.

"... Deal."

_****Break****_

Kanda looked up at the clock, only to realize it had been thirty minutes since sunrise, and Lavi had not come back home. He heaved a sigh of impatience, then began to get worried. Lavi was supposed to finish his work three hours ago, and should have reached home fifteen to twenty minutes later.

The sound of door unlocking and knob turning could be soon heard. Thinking it was Lavi, Kanda quickly stood up to head towards the door.

But he was disappointed with the sight of Lenalee opening the door and entering followed by Allen behind. The couple had went out soon after they entered Lavi's apartment when they found nothing in Lavi's fridge.

"Kanda?" Lenalee immediately asked when she saw her Japanese friend rushing towards her and her boyfriend at the door. "What's wrong? Lavi's not back yet?"

"Che, apparently not," Kanda clicked his tongue in annoyance and impatience. Where could Lavi be at this time when he should already be home more than two hours ago?

"Oh..." Lenalee said with a tone of disappointment as well. "But guess what Kanda? We bought some meat! Was thinking we could cook Lavi's favorite, Yakiniku!"

"Don't worry Kanda," Allen soon started talking with a smile. "We bought some soba as well so thought we could all eat together."

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue again. "Make sure you don't eat more than you should and end up eating Lavi's share. I'll kill you for that."

"I won't!" Allen argued defensively, and Lenalee responded by giggling at her boyfriend's response to Kanda's comment.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

A slightly loud and familiar voice was soon heard from outside the door after the couple entered through the threshold.

"Oh... hehe," Lenalee giggled nervously. "W-Welcome home, Lavi."

"Welcome home my ass!" Lavi's tone in his words was clearly expressing annoyance and frustration. "How did you guys manage to get in anyway?"

"Eh..." this time Allen was the one trying to answer Lavi, though he knew Lavi won't be happy. "We- sort of- how should we put it..."

Lavi crossed his arms, obviously in rage and irritation.

"It's that stupid uncle of mine, right?" Lavi growled. "Great, I gave him a copy of key out of respect and _this_ is what I get in return."

"But Lavi..." Lenalee tried to say something to defend Cross. "Your uncle is just being... concerned."

"Concerned? Yeah! Right!" Lavi was beginning to shout. "He's the nice and kind guy here who only knows how to stick his nose into someone's else business unnecessarily. Hell, how many times must I tell him stop interfering with my life!"

"But Lavi, Mr. Marian was just worr-"

"No buts!" Lavi said as he stomped through the trio to enter his apartment. "Please leave, right now."

"Lavi?"

"Just leave me alone will ya? Stop intruding into my life further as if you guys know everything when you guys don't even know what I'm going through! So get out of my lif-"

Lavi's words stopped as a smack had just landed on his left cheek. Lenalee and Allen gasped while Lavi fell. He then placed a hand on his slightly swollen and reddened cheek and glared hard at his attacker.

"Don't vent your frustration and anger on other people when they did nothing wrong," Kanda growled, with a glare equally cold as Lavi's. "What happened between you and your uncle is your problem, not ours."

Lavi did not argue back. He broke the glare by looking at the floor and covered his eye with his red locks. Silence followed between the two. Lenalee and Allen could only watch the two in silence and nervousness.

"And one more thing," Kanda soon broke the awkward silence. "You claimed that we don't know what you're going through. But how about start sharing some of those 'experience' you're going through with us so we can better understand it before you start complaining about our ignorance?"

Lavi didn't respond. Silence followed again. But it wasn't long that Lavi stood up, and looked at Kanda with a face seemed to be void of emotions or any pain.

"What makes you think you can understand me even when I tell you," Lavi finally started talking again, softly with a flat voice also void of any lingering emotion.

"Try me," Kanda said as he crossed his arms, annoyed at Lavi's expression and tone. To Kanda, the Lavi right now didn't look or sound like a human, but a puppet with no heart and feelings...

"As if you will understand when you weren't even there when everything happened."

Lenalee and Allen gasped in shock again, as those words were slapped into Kanda's face and heart as a harsh reminder of his absence when something at this caliber happened to Lavi six years ago, but he wasn't there to protect him from whoever had violated his lover...

Kanda's eyes widened in shock in response to Lavi's comment, and pain and regrets were soon shown obviously in his face. Kanda froze when he remembered his failure six years ago to protect the one he loved the most...

Lavi took the opportunity to walk past Kanda who was still in the state of shock. He turned to open a door and enter his room. Meanwhile, having recovered from the shock received from Lavi's harsh words, Kanda gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, finally picking up the courage to say something.

"I'm sorry," Kanda managed to say before Lavi passed through the threshold to his room. Lavi stopped in his footsteps upon hearing Kanda's apology. "I'm sorry, Lavi. If given a chance I will-"

"Enough," Lavi interrupted before Kanda finished his words of apology and regrets. "It's already... too late."

Kanda didn't know how to respond to those words. He didn't know how to react to Lavi's rejection. He didn't know what to do because what Lavi had said was true.

It was already too late.

Too late to save him. Too late to protect him.

And most importantly, too late for any regrets and painful apologies.

Lavi continued to enter his room.

"Wait Lavi!" Allen managed to say before Lavi closed the door. "Mind if we use the kitchen?"

It seemed to caught Lavi's attention because Lavi had stopped in his footsteps towards his room.

"We... err.. was thinking of making a meal... since we already bought the ingredients already so..."

Silence followed, giving no hints of what Lavi was thinking or if he was actually considering Allen's request.

"Please Lavi..." Lenalee started pleading in a sincere but slightly fearful tone. To her, there was no way she would leave things in this way between Lavi and Kanda. "We promise to leave... after we eat. So please..."

Again, Silence followed, making the atmosphere around really tense and almost suffocating to everyone in the apartment. However, the tensing silence was finally broken when a sigh was heard from Lavi.

"I'm not hungry, but do whatever you want."

With that, Lavi went into his room and closed the door.

_****Break****_

Kanda silently watched Lavi enter his room.

With a 'click' sound that signaled Lavi closing the door of his room, Kanda's clenched fist tightened to the point he could feel his nails digging onto the skin of his palms, and this time Kanda's upper jaw wasn't closing with the teeth of the lower jaw, but rather had the teeth biting down on his lower lip.

Is it in order not to say anymore useless words of regrets and sorrow to Lavi? Or is it to prevent his tears from escaping his eyes? Kanda didn't know.

A pair of hands with a purpose of comfort and encouragement soon reached out for his hands. Lenalee looked at Kanda with eyes too filled with sadness, but Kanda, who was looking back at her eyes too, could tell she was trying not to show her misery that could be worse than what he was feeling. He was fully aware how much the couple before him had regretted, had saddened and had blamed themselves for everything that had happened, especially since they were supposed to be the ones with their redheaded friend to support him, protect him in place of their Japanese friend while he was away.

But that acknowledgement of his friends' feelings could not help him make himself feel better and lightened his responsibilities that he wasn't there to protect his lover, no matter how far apart they were from each other.

"Kanda..." Lenalee tried to say some words of comfort and encouragement to Kanda, but did not say a word of it when she realized that Kanda's eyes was beginning to change from sadness and regrets to anger and vengeance.

"I swear..." Kanda began mumbling words in rage.

"Kanda?" Allen was greatly familiar with the tone Kanda's voice was in.

"I swear... if I ever found out who did this to Lavi... I swear... I'm so fucking gonna kill him."

"K-Kanda," Lenalee could feel Kanda's fist clenching even harder and began trembling in anger. "You got to calm down..."

"Lavi was mine!" Kanda's impulse and rage snapped and started yelling. "He was supposed to belong only to me! I was supposed to be the only one allowed to touch him! But some guy out there actually had the fucking nerve to rape him! I swear if I ever found that guy I will fucking kill him!"

"Kanda... please you got to calm down..."

"Look at what he had done to Lavi! Lavi's life is totally ruined by him! And yet Lavi refuses to tell us who he was! Why must Lavi suffer so much because of him!"

"Calm down Ba-Kanda!" Allen smacked onto Kanda's head as he said to Kanda. All the rantings were stopped by a cry of pain from Kanda.

"Damn moyashi!" Kanda held onto to his head on the place where Allen had smacked him. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Listen Ba-Kanda," Allen saw saying firmly with a pair of determined eyes. "Now is not the time to be saying such things. What good does it do us all right now if all we did was blaming ourselves, each other or anyone else. Right now, the most important thing we should do is to help Lavi whatever way we can, and we cannot give up. No matter how much Lavi rejects us, no matter how much Lavi sends us away, no matter how much he avoids us, we must never surrender to all these and never give up to bring back the Lavi we all know, and to give Lavi the happy life he deserves it just as much as us. So stop getting yourself hot-headed at a time like this, because this is just the beginning of your pursue for Lavi's heart and the completion of your world, Kanda."

Kanda could only stare hard at Allen and could not argue back. Though he was still the same old irritating moyashi to Kanda, Allen's words were correct.

"That's right Kanda," Lenalee, who was slightly terrified of Kanda's outburst a few moments ago finally found the courage to speak to her Japanese friend. "You can't give up now. If you really give up, then no one else can save Lavi. If there is someone that can bring back the old Lavi and make him happy, it's got to be you Kanda!"

Kanda looked at his two childhood friends with widened eyes; he almost couldn't believe what he had just heard. Just a minute ago, he was unnecessarily venting his anger and frustrations on the two, but instead of getting angry and disappointed with him, they encouraged him instead. A hint of guilt could be shown in Kanda's face, indicating he had realized his mistake.

"But... I don't know what I should do anymore..."

"First, you could try apologizing to us for your shouting just now?" Allen suggested with a mischievous and wicked smile on his face. Kanda managed to catch it before Allen tried hiding it.

"... Che," was Kanda's reply. He knew that Allen was fully aware Kanda won't apologize that easily to anyone except for one person...

"Now that's the Kanda we knew," Allen chuckled in response and showed a genuine sincere smile this time. "Well then, how about giving us some help in the kitchen then?"

"... Fine," Kanda replied as he made his way to the kitchen before the couple.

_****Break****_

Lavi immediately leaned his back against the door when it shutted. He could feel his legs trembling slightly due to tiredness, so he gave in and slide down, with his back still on the door. As soon as his butt reached the floor, he could hear Kanda's ranting at the other side of the door.

But soon, the shoutings had stopped with a sudden and short whine of pain from Kanda, and after that Kanda started arguing with Allen, which the volume finally faded till Lavi could no longer really hear what the trio outside his room were saying. Lavi could only guess that they were definitely talking about him.

But just when Lavi thought he could finally get some enough peace to sleep, he realized that Kanda's earlier words in the shoutings were beginning to ring in his head.

"_Lavi was mine! He was supposed to belong only to me! I was supposed to be the only one allowed to touch him! But some guy out there actually had the fucking nerve to rape him! I swear if I ever found that guy I will fucking kill him!"_

That's right.

'Was' was the correct word used.

Lavi chuckled bitterly upon his acknowledgement.

Great, he was probably gonna regret violating him if Kanda managed to figure him out. And like Kanda said, he was probably gonna get killed by the Japanese.

But still, what good will that do?

Nothing could be changed right now, no matter the regrets or revenge.

"_Look at what he had done to Lavi! Lavi's life is totally ruined by him! And yet Lavi refuses to tell us who he was! Why must Lavi suffer so much because of him!"_

Yeah, that's right. His life was totally ruined, to the point where he felt sad and pity for himself.

Not only that he could feel a hint of disgust and shame for himself. He didn't even understand why he was still alive, in this world of pain and grief. There was nothing left for him.

He even rejected his friends and his lost lover to the point he had hurt them with the most harsh and cruel words he knew it would sent nothing but a shock and painful reminder that would pierce through his heart like a sharp and heartless knife that could kill him. Furthermore, he had said those words with a flat and monotone voice void of any emotions, as if indicating he had no hesitation and qualms on using those words to hurt the one he loved the most and the one that loved him the most.

"_As if you will understand when you weren't even there when everything happened."_

Lavi placed a hand to cover the left side of his face. He had said it. He actually said it, and he almost couldn't believe it. Those words which he knew that would slap Kanda's face and stab his heart not physically, but emotionally that would be painful to the point where there was no need for an actual knife to stab him to die. Those words were enough to mentally kill him, deprived of his will and conscious and crumbled his world to live.

And the greatest mistake in those words was not that Kanda wasn't there to help him. What made Lavi feel worse was that it wasn't even Kanda's fault at all. In the first place, Kanda hadn't done anything wrong, and Lavi had said like it was all Kanda's fault that all these miseries were happening, which was wrong.

Lavi was the one that had encouraged him to leave him. He was the one that sent him to Australia to study. He was the one that made sure that Kanda would listen to him to work hard for a good future not only for himself, but for the two of them. Yet right now, his words and tone were blaming Kanda for everything that had happened.

Upon the realization, Lavi chuckled bitterly again, and this time he could feel his heart tightening in his chest, as if it was pierced by thousands of needles and clenched tightly by someone's hand, threatening to be ripped apart. Tears were beginning to form in his eye again for the second time that day, though they were hidden by a hand. Lavi was determined not to cry out to alert the people at the other side of the door.

But in his heart, he knew that he desired so much to bolt through the door, dash towards his ex-lover to hug him, cry on his chest for comfort till satisfaction and to apologize, explain everything to him, and hope that he was willing to fight this psychological battle with him.

But still...

"_Do you seriously think someone like you have every power and rights to be with him? Know your place! You dirty and disgusting whore!"_

Lavi gasped at the sudden remembrance of those words. He immediately cupped his ears so as not to hear those words again, but the words kept running in his mind. Lavi started shivering.

Cold, fear, pain and humiliation, were all Lavi could only feel at that time.

And this time, Lavi finally couldn't help it but started sobbing, but quietly so as not to let anyone in his apartment hear it.

_****Break****_

"Alright, it's all set!" Lenalee exclaimed proudly as she placed the last plate of food on the table. The trio had done with making their breakfast.

"Alright then," Allen said as he looked over the completed meal they had made, and then nodded in satisfaction and pride for it. "Ok Kanda, go call Lavi."

Kanda gave Allen an expression of surprise and perplex.

"Oh come on Kanda," Allen said as he crossed his arms, looking at Kanda. "Lavi's got to eat, so go and get him to eat with us."

"Che," Kanda crossed his arms as well. "Why must I do that? And you heard Lavi, he's not hungry. He may not want to eat. And worse he wouldn't want to talk to me right-"

"Come on Kanda, Can't you see it's a great opportunity for you?" this time Lenalee was talking and Kanda looked at her with another perplexed expression. "This is a great opportunity for you to see Lavi and talk to him, and the more you should if Lavi decided to avoid or ignore you in the long term. You should grab every chance to get close to him, no matter how short the time is given to you."

And before Kanda had any chance to say anything or protest, Allen had already pulled Kanda to the front of the door of the room Lavi had entered (much to Kanda's annoyance) and Lenalee pushed him forward to get closer. As they do that, they encouraged Kanda further.

""Now stop hesitating and go for it!""

Kanda turned back to look at the couple after being pushed with a look expressing his dilemma, but the couple only gestured him to go for it and walked back to the kitchen to prepare the utensils and table.

Kanda sighed and after that, hesitantly but surely, he turned the knob of the door and slowly opened it to enter the room of his lost lover. To be honest, he was slightly nervous for he was about to be revealed to the room of the person he loved. But he had wanted and was definitely curious to see, especially if it could reveal to him on how Lavi lived his life for the past four years when he came back to London after traveling with his grandfather, even if it was just a little.

Kanda gave a quick glance when he entered. It was just a pretty small room. It had two bookshelves fully filled with books, and the two shelves were apparently not enough for Lavi to place all his books neatly on them. Some books were actually stacked up somewhere beside and in front of the shelves. Kanda chuckled upon the sight of the books. It seemed Lavi's favorite hobby, reading, had not changed for the past six years. It somehow sent a sense of relief to Kanda.

Next to the shelves stood a cupboard where Lavi had stored all his clothes, followed by another table with drawers which Kanda would guess it was there for make-up as bottles of cologne, lip balms and hair wax was seen on top. But Kanda found it slightly weird for there was no mirror.

Finally at the other side of the room, stood an empty bed beside the window with bars and no curtains.

Kanda froze upon looking at the bed. Indeed he had wanted to see Lavi's room but something wasn't right.

The room felt so deadly empty.

Kanda had thought that Lavi would be tired after working long hours today. So why the hell Lavi wasn't in bed?

Upon realization, Kanda immediately took a step forward, which his questions were soon answered when he felt he had kicked something on the floor, which was none other than the redhead. Kanda jerked in surprise when he saw Lavi lying on the floor.

"Lavi?" Kanda called out to Lavi as he bent down to examine the redhead. Why would Lavi lie on the floor when he had a comfortable bed to lie on? This worried Kanda, for he was afraid Lavi had lost consciousness before he reached for the bed.

However, the even breathing from the redhead had proven to Kanda that the redhead was probably too tired that he had fallen asleep on the floor instead.

"Baka..." Kanda said as he placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder to turn Lavi around. However, Kanda's eyes widened soon after.

Lavi's face... had reddened and seemed moist. Tears could still be seen under the closed left eye. It was obvious Lavi was crying, and had fallen asleep due to exhaustion from the crying instead of from the long hours of work. After seeing the face, Kanda quickly placed an arm under Lavi on his back while the other went under his knees. Kanda then carried Lavi up without much effort, then slowly and gently, as he did not want to wake the redhead up, laid Lavi on the bed. Lavi had shifted slightly when being laid, causing Kanda to nervously stare hard at Lavi for any sign of awakening, but Lavi seemed to have settled as soon as he had stirred.

After making sure Lavi had settled on the bed and would not suddenly wake up, Kanda sighed softly out of relief as he watched Lavi's sleeping face; images of Lavi's past sleeping faces were coming back to his mind as a result.

However, compared to the peaceful and comfortable sleeping faces Lavi had, the sleeping face Lavi had right now did not show any peace and comfort due to the redness and moisture on the face. Instead of calmness and comfort, Kanda felt there were fear and pain in Lavi's sleep instead, and it pained Kanda seeing how much the person he loved suffered where he couldn't even get a good sleep.

"Lavi..." Kanda whispered as he stroked Lavi's hair gently and quietly, looking at Lavi's face with eyes full of pain and sadness. Then slowly and gently, Kanda caressed Lavi's face carefully, first on the eye patch then on the left cheek. How many times had he dreamed of this face, which was flawless and peaceful in his dreams? But now reality had cruelly shown him the face of his lost love, which was now flawed with an eye patch and obviously disturbed with pain and most probably nightmares.

Seeing Lavi not stirred by such gestures, Kanda stared at Lavi's sleeping face again, and after a few moments, he leaned forward to close the distance between their faces. Since long ago, Kanda was always captivated by Lavi's face and had always loved to touch and feel it.

And it had been a long time since he could. Right now, though not granted, he had the selfish wish to touch and feel again, especially those red and warm lips belonging to Lavi, the person he loved the most.

Slowly and gently, Kanda carefully planted his lips onto Lavi's lips, and just like the first time, Kanda wished Lavi would not wake up from such a cowardly act from him.

_****Break****_

After hearing the door closed, he could hear cries of protest from the other side of the door, but all those soon faded when he could vaguely hear Kanda said some words. He didn't feel like getting up yet. Well, not until he made sure the people outside had left.

His silent request was fulfilled about one hour later, where he could heard the door of his apartment's entrance opened and closed with a soft 'click' sound. After hearing silence for a few seconds, the redhead slowly sat up from his lying position on his bed and slowly head out of his room. There, he saw a plate of Yakiniku and a plate of pancakes on the table, all wrapped up.

He also saw a small note on the table as well. Lavi hesitantly picked it up and read the contents, knowing it was probably Lenalee writing to him by looking at the handwriting.

_Had left some food for you. Milk will be in the fridge. Heat them all up in the microwave oven before you eat ok?_

_Cheers, Lenalee, Allen and Kanda_

After reading the note, Lavi quickly made his way towards the large window in his living room, where he would have a clear view of the entrance of the building he was living in at the first floor. It wasn't long when Lavi saw them.

Lenalee and Allen had walked out of the building, crossed the road and walked down the street till they were out of sight. But Kanda was nowhere to be seen with them, puzzling Lavi. Was Kanda still in the building or had he left earlier? Lavi was betting with the former as he was quite sure the three had left together.

Sure enough, after standing by the window for twenty minutes, Lavi finally saw Kanda walking out of the building. Lavi's eye followed Kanda till he crossed the road, and soon vanished from his sight. When he could no longer see the Japanese, Lavi moved to have his back leaned against the wall beside the window and slide down. He froze for a while when his butt reached the floor.

_****Flashback****_

His consciousness returned when he felt a sudden kick at his legs.

A hand was soon on his shoulder to turn him around till his back reached the floor. It was a hand pulling him impatiently, but also slowly to see his after-crying face. He cursed himself mentally as he could feel someone was staring at his pathetic face, which he didn't want to see it.

It wasn't long arms and hands were on him to lift him up. He could only freeze in order not to let the person realized he had already awakened. However, that position was... comfortable to him. Gentle hands, and a warm, soothing and comfortable chest. He didn't hate it. On the contrary, he actually... liked it.

He had landed on something soft, which could only be his bed. He could only pretend to shift in order to get comfortable and not to let the person realized that he was actually awaked.

But he almost jumped when he felt hands on his hair, which soon moved towards his face. However, he made no effort to reject the hand. It was too warm and gentle for him to reject it. In fact, he liked and wanted the hand to continue touching him and soothing him at the same time.

But what surprised him the most were not the touches by the hand.

But the smooth and gentle kiss from a red and soft lips from Kanda, his beloved one.

_****End of flashback****_

Lavi lifted his hand to touch his lips.

He could still feel it. The lingering warmth, the gentle care, and the soothing comfort.

It was the soft kiss that he had wanted for years, but couldn't bring himself to reach out for it.

"Yuu..." Lavi whispered the name softly to himself as he brought his knees to his chest and hugged his legs, resting his forehead on his knees to bury his face.

For he couldn't help but blushed every time he remembered the kiss.

**End of Chapter 4**

alright here goes: how many of you out there are preparing to have me killed here? XD

I made the characters all suffered so much...

but still, what do you think of this chap?

Tell me all in reviews! So please please please review! Especially if you're gonna fave or alert this story!

Alright! Now I must run off for chap 5! so watch out for it soon! =]]]

till next time, Jya ne~!

August-chan =DDD


	5. Mistake, Mutilation and Determination

Disclaimer: I do **NOT** own DGM.

Warning: **Yaoi, shounen-ai, rape, gore, angst (I will rate about 8-9), offensive language, lots of OOCness.**

Children or anyone underage or anyone who don't like guy loving a guy, 2 guys having sex or angst that could break your heart, Please leave.

As for the rest, please continue to give me your support. ^_^

Message from me: So Sorry for the terribly late update! Had a Writer's block and Was busy with other commitments and I kind of concentrating more on MaE instead coz it was getting to the main plot and the good parts for that story. (Ya, I know, I'm biased =0)

Extra warning: this is a ridiculously long chapter. Sorry for that =(. I suggest stopping or taking a break at a few line breaks if not your eyes might suffer.

Alright then.

Enjoy~!

**My World is Never Complete Without You**

**Mistake, Mutilation and Determination**

_Lavi lifted his hand to touch his lips._

_He could still feel it. The lingering warmth, the gentle care, and the soothing comfort._

_It was the soft kiss that he had wanted for years, but couldn't bring himself to reach out for it._

"_Yuu..." Lavi whispered the name softly to himself as he brought his knees to his chest and hugged his legs, resting his forehead on his knees to bury his face._

_For he couldn't help but blushed every time he remembered the kiss._

_No matter how much people tried to approach him, he always gave a menacingly glare at people, as if telling people 'leave me alone if you value your life'. _

_Rude, violent, anti-social, always moody and short-tempered. He may look like a yakuza boss that may threaten to kill you if you annoyed or got in his way._

_But in truth, he wasn't harmful at all. _

_He may be violent and rude to others, but he had never hurt or harmed anyone at all. And more surprisingly, he could be nice and gentle to the people he cared about._

_I heard from Lenalee and Allen that whenever they felt troubled or sad, they would always find him for advice and comfort, though for Allen they always fought and argued in the end. But since childhood, Lenalee always found it warm and comforting being with him, contrary to the cold aura others could feel from him._

_And that was something that I would never deny it, no matter what other people said._

_I knew that very well, which probably made me the only one in class able to approach him and willing to be friendly with him. I have countless number of times people telling me to stay away from him before he decapitated me, but I ignored them all for they did not know except for me._

_The soft side of Kanda Yuu._

_True, he may be mean to me, but there was no doubt he cared about me. He was the one introduced me to his group. He always helped me whatever way he can whenever I asked. And whenever I felt troubled or frustrated or stressed, he would always silently stand by my side. He never asked what happened and kept silent throughout, as if telling me that whatever that's troubling me I could tell him anytime I am comfortable with and he would always be there for me…_

_As a friend._

_At least, that was what I kept telling myself in the first two years I knew him. He always turned his attention to me whenever I asked for him, always helped me whenever I needed it, always waited for me after school to go home together some times, since we were going in the same way. As Yuu had never treated anyone else with any kindness, care and concern, I had other people kept asking me if Yuu had some sort of crush on me for him to be treating me so specially by the indifferent Kanda Yuu. _

_Of course, I denied all these because it never occurred to me at all that he was treating me in any special way and I had always thought he was kind to me because we were friends. Besides, there was no way he had a crush on me since we're both guys, and I had always thought he liked Lenalee._

_At least, that was what I always thought._

_Until one evening, Yuu suddenly kissed me once when I was asleep in the classroom._

_No one had any idea how shocked I was when I was awakened by a kiss, from Yuu much less. Shocked, I tensed up and stayed still hoping he had not realized that I had woken up. _

_However, despite the shock I got, I couldn't help but realize how surprisingly warm and gentle Yuu's lips were, which was totally in contrast to his usual cold and rough attitude and aura. For some reason, I find it nice and comforting thus allowing me to relax into the kiss. Still, I did not dare wake up because if I did it would definitely become an awkward situation._

_However, it did not erase the awkwardness and uneasiness I had since that day whenever I'm with Yuu. I tried to pretend nothing had happened. But, it seemed impossible for me for every time I saw or was with Yuu, I couldn't help but remember that kiss and blushed at every reminder of it. I became restless and nervous every time I was with Yuu ever since that day. I soon found myself unable to face Yuu or see him in the eyes. I tried reasoning with myself that I could treat nothing had happened at all but it seemed my heart and body refused to listen._

_And then the next thing I knew, I started avoiding Yuu. I always tried avoiding being with him alone. I always tried to avoid starting any conversation with him. I had stopped joining him, Allen and Lenalee for meal breaks. I had stopped walking home with him. I had stopped approaching him and playing with him like I used to do. I had people like Lenalee asking me why I was acting like this for the past few weeks._

_But to tell you the truth, even I didn't know what was deterring me to get close to Yuu._

_It wasn't like I hated him for kissing me, and in fact I didn't really mind. If I did I would not have let him get away with it no matter what. But I didn't really mind._

_And that, was probably the whole cause of this mess. As a guy, and as a friend, I should be minding such action from him and getting angry with him. But I didn't. For some reason, such observations confused me and made me couldn't face Yuu because I didn't how to. Sure I could talk to him, but how was I supposed to start a conversation regarding him kissing me? It's gonna be so embarrassing…_

_So I decided to avoid him for the time being till I found my answers. But who knew how long would that be because my mind would get all messed up again whether I started thinking about it or not and ended getting myself more confused. Damn it all._

_So locked up in my thoughts regarding the situation, so locked with thoughts thinking about myself, I failed to realize that Yuu also had noticed me acting strange around him and the fact that I'm avoiding him was beginning to annoy him._

_So one day, after school, as usual I was about to pack up and leave the classroom quickly to avoid getting into contact with Yuu but he beat me to it and quickly went up to me. Before I could leave, he was already standing beside me and I hesitantly looked up at him. _

_Great, I knew it. My heart had started beating at a fast rate. I was getting nervous and I felt my face turned hot and quickly turned to hide my face. I hoped my blushing wasn't so obvious._

"_We need to talk," he said, with an aura of firmness and determination. _

_Before I could say anything, I suddenly felt a grip on my wrist and was quickly yanked away from my seat and out of the classroom._

"_Ouch!" I exclaimed as I was dragged out of the classroom and I tried pulling away. "Yuu! Let go!"_

"_No way," he said without looking back at me and continued to drag me up a set of stairs. "You'll run away again, won't you?"_

_I gasped upon those words and stared at him without saying anything. Damn, guess it was rather obvious I was avoiding him._

_Unable to argue, I let Yuu drag me up the stairs while I just followed without any complaints this time, though I could feel the grip on my wrist getting tighter and more painful. But the pain soon faded as we reached our destination and Yuu quickly pulled me up away from the entrance between the stairs and the rooftop to somewhere in the centre, as if making sure I wouldn't manage to escape when he released me. Both of us were panting when we stopped. When Yuu caught his breath faster than me, he pulled and yanked me forward to have me stand in front of him instead of behind him._

"_Alright, idiot," Yuu said as he finally let go of my wrist. "We need to seriously talk."_

"_You said that two times, Yuu," I tried to answer him as nonchalantly as possible, though inside, I was getting a bit nervous again…_

"_Whatever," Yuu said, with a slight tone of annoyance. "I'll get straight to the point. Why are you avoiding me these few weeks?"_

"_Huh?" I tried to sound confused as much as I can._

"_Don't joke with me, idiot. I know you have been trying to avoid me for the past few weeks, even today. What happened?"_

"_Err… You sure you aren't imagining things Yuu? Cause I didn't remember trying to avoid you…"_

"_It's either you think I'm blind, or I'm stupid. Sorry to say, idiot, but I'm neither blind or stupid so don't think I don't know that you are avoiding me and lying to me right now."_

_Upon those words, I went silent and turned, too ashamed to make any eye contact with Yuu. My face slightly reddened out of embarrassment, guilt and nervousness. Damn, even after a few weeks, less than a month, I was still unable to face and talk to Yuu like I used to, just before-_

"_Let me guess," Yuu's voice suddenly cut off my thoughts. "You were aware of __**that**__, do you?"_

"_Huh?" I turned to look at Yuu without thinking, wondering what did he mean by 'that'…_

"_You know what I mean, idiot. About… about that… that-"_

"_Kiss?" I said without thinking, and I myself was shocked at what I had just said. Yuu's eyes widened slightly at the word, but I was just as shocked and embarrassed myself, so I quickly turned, with a deeply reddened face, unable to see eye-to-eye with Yuu again._

"_I'm sorry!" I quickly exclaimed before Yuu could say anything that most probably would be rude and words full of frustration. "I-I didn't mean to- I mean, I wasn't pretending to sleep or something like that! It-It's just I woke up I saw you kissing me! So I… I-err…"_

_I stuttered as I tried to explain, and soon find myself unable to speak anymore because I could not find any words to say anymore. Great, what the hell was going on with me? This was a great opportunity for me to talk to Yuu to get rid of any awkwardness and friction before our friendship between us deteriorated further and before the distance between us got wider. This was a great chance for us to sort out our feelings so there would be no more confusion. So why the hell was I hesitating?_

"_Che," Yuu clicked his tongue, catching my attention but I still had not turned around to face him. "If that kiss bother you so much, then you can tell me you know. Then I wouldn't even bother dragging you here just to talk."_

"_B-But Yuu…" did he really expect me to suddenly go to him and talk to him about such an embarrassing topic? I guess he's pretty dense when it came to such stuff._

"_Then if being with me really bother you so much, I can stay away from you if you want; there's no need to avoid me and made me look stupid."_

_Upon hearing those words, the words saying he would stay away from me, I finally turned back to face him without thinking, apparent shock on my face. Was he really going to…?_

_It was his turn to spin around, his back facing me. He kept silent, causing the atmosphere around us to tense up. Unable to take the tensed atmosphere, I thought it would be better if one of us just say something, anything. It was then a question came to my mind. A question that had been hanging in my head and bothering since the day I felt the soft lips of Yuu on my own. I had to ask; it didn't matter if I'm just asking out of curiosity or whim or whatever._

_Because I just had to know._

"_Yuu?" I called his name, trying to get his attention. I saw his shoulders twitched in response and I took the opportunity to ask. "W-Why… did you… kiss me?" _

_Silence followed for some time, but then Yuu soon heaved a sigh and turned back to look at me with a defeated expression._

"_You don't know?" he asked, with a sign and tone of what seemed to be like disappointment._

"_Yuu, if I knew I wouldn't be asking you." I replied, trying to give some sort of signal to him, or more likely I was indirectly telling him to spill out whatever he wanted to say._

"_You really don't know?" he asked me again, this time with a slight surprise and annoyed expression and tone._

"_Like I said, Yuu. If I knew then I-"_

"_Che," Yuu interrupted before I could finish. "It's pretty obvious isn't it? There's only one reason why anyone would kiss someone when he or she is sleeping."_

_I looked at him, then looked down and restlessly scratching my head, feeling very awkward._

"_Eh… out of whim?" I said, making a guess as if trying to avoid something I already knew. But I wanted to really make sure. I wanted some sort of confirmation from Yuu himself instead of me making stupid guesses which might cause me to embarrass myself._

_Yuu, however, growled loudly and angrily as he turned around to glare at me._

"_Do I look like that kind of person?" he growled as he asked, obviously upset over what I had said._

_I gulped, feeling nervous and guilty due to the anger and the dangerous from Yuu, but also from the realization of the answer I just asked for._

"_You don't mean… you… me…" I stuttered slowly as I pointed him and myself, unable to say out the words. Noticing my nervousness, Yuu sighed and finally said the words I was waiting for._

"_Che. I like you. Happy now?" Yuu quickly said, and then turned back, refusing to face me. I managed to catch his blushing though._

_I gaped upon hearing his answer._

"_Y-Yuu…" I stuttered again. Although I expected it, it didn't change the fact that I or perhaps anyone would be shocked, hearing someone liking you out of the blue. Furthermore, it was said by your best friend who was the same gender as you. _

_Hell, of course I never expected myself to be gay, but now…_

"_Well I guess it bothers you right?" Yuu suddenly started talking again, breaking me out of my state of surprise. "Don't worry, I already expected no reciprocation so if it's really bothering you… I could… leave you alone from now on…"_

_I gasped upon hearing those words. Is he… seriously saying these?_

"_Yuu, I-"_

"_I guess it's better for us to stop seeing each other then," he turned back again to look at me. "If not, I may not be able to control myself anymore." He said those words, and then turned again to walk away, leaving me alone in my state of shock on the rooftop. I watched him heading towards the entrance while my mind began to process and run._

_Wait a minute._

_What the hell did you think you are doing?_

_You're just gonna leave me alone?_

_You're just gonna tell me you're not gonna see me again?_

_You're just gonna abandon me here lost and clueless because of your words?_

_Most importantly… you're just gonna give up?_

_Don't… Don't… Don't-_

"_Don't joke around! Yuu!" I finally burst out my words in anger, causing Yuu to stop in his footsteps, freezing for a second before turning back to look at me, confused._

"_So you're just gonna leave things as it is? You're gonna just give up here? What the hell Yuu!"_

"_Lavi?" Yuu was obviously confused and began to panic seeing me angry. "What-"_

"_What do you take me for? You stole my first kiss, and now you're telling me that you're just giving up after doing that and asked me forget all about it? You're telling me you like me, but here you're telling me you're giving up, when I haven't even say a single thing regarding my feelings yet?"_

_Yuu could only gaped in shock upon hearing my words._

"_Hell, Yuu! You stole my first kiss almost without me knowing it, and now you're telling me you're gonna run away? For Christ's sake! Didn't know you were such a freaking coward! Since you stole something from me, take some goddamn responsibility here! But NOT by running away!"_

_I stopped shouting and started panting, silence following after that as I waited for Yuu's reply, who was still staring at me with a pair of eyes with shock, obviously still trying to process what I had just said._

"_L-Lavi," he finally spoke after some time of silence. "Do you have any idea what did you just said?"_

_I crossed my arms and looked at him with a pair of firm eyes, feeling a bit annoyed at his words. Seriously what did he exactly take me for?_

_Noting the gesture and expression, Yuu blinked and stared at me in surprise for a moment, but the surprised expression was soon replaced by a smirk. It was my turn to blink in surprise and the next thing I knew Yuu was walking slowly towards me._

_Instinctively, I stepped back. But Yuu seemed to be unaffected by my movement and continued his advances, but in a faster pace this time. It wasn't long he caught up to me, and he was already standing right in front of me so closely before I even noticed. Seeing how close he was to me, I blushed and quickly turned to face the side; a rush of nervousness ran through my whole body and my heart couldn't help but beat rapidly without control._

"_Lavi," I tensed when I could hear and feel him whisper in my ear, his breathe tingling on my reddened ear. "Is that… your way of asking me out?" he asked teasingly._

_My eyes widened at such a comment._

"_W-What?" I stuttered as I became more and more nervous. "N-N-No way I was doing that! I-I was just, just asking you n-not to give up! Nothing more! D-don't misunderstand!"_

"_Oh really?" once again, he said in a husky voice at my ear, and I couldn't help but started shivering. He noticed this, and continued teasing me more. "You know… you're pretty shy when it comes to such things, do you…"_

"_T-That's-"_

"_And I didn't think you could blush like this… are you shivering? Nervous, aren't you?"_

"_T-That's cause… you're… you're too close!"_

_The next thing I knew, I felt arms wrapping around my waist and I jumped, both in surprise and nervousness. I quickly turned my face to realize Yuu had already left his face at my ear to right in front of my face. I gasped as I realized his face was really very close to mine. And not just the face, our noses were almost touching and our lips were just mere centimeters apart._

_He smirked again, seeing how my face reddened and how nervous I was being with him; he was certain it wasn't because I was afraid or frightened of him._

"_Do you have any idea how cute you are right now, Lavi?" he paused before saying my name for a moment before continuing in that husky tone of his._

_I blushed more furiously upon that comment. I could feel his breathe sweeping through my mouth and nose, reminding me how close we were to each other._

"_You… just asked me not to give up on you… right?" he asked, and I could feel my face getting hotter as the seconds passed. Unable to speak due to the nervousness, I nodded quickly, causing him to lean back a bit. Once my head was stilled, he leaned forward again, this time resting his forehead on mine and looked at me directly at my eyes. I turned my gaze to his eyes, which were firm and determined._

"_Then, I shall not give up like you asked for," his breathe once again swept through my face and my eyes widened again that moment at his comment._

"_Yuu…?"_

"_From this moment on, I will go after you till the end; I will chase you till you decided not to escape; I will pursue you till you finally give up on resisting me. Even if you run I will always seek you out and run after you till you stopped and come and stay by my side. I won't stop till you've become mine."_

_He paused for a moment, as if giving me time to process what he had just said. His smirk widened again before he spoke again._

"_So be prepared, baka usagi," and with that, he leaned forward again to kiss me._

_My eyes widened further at the contact and froze for a moment before realizing what had happened. When reality struck me I tried resisting, grabbing his shoulders to push and protesting, but any words of protest were sunk down as Yuu took the opportunity to plunge his tongue into my opened mouth, rushing to trace my mouth inside. I moaned instinctively, and I could feel Yuu's arms tightened at my waist to pull me closer to deepen the kiss. As the initially rough kiss soon gentled, I gave in to the kiss, and unconsciously, I lifted my arms to reach out to his back of his neck, pulling him closer towards me._

_Oh shit, I knew it._

_I really liked the kiss._

_Not just any kiss._

_But the kiss from Kanda Yuu. _

_****Break****_

Allen entered the room as Kanda closed up the last box and taped it to secure it. Kanda then heaved out a breathe, then wipe away his sweat at his forehead with his long sleeves at the back of his arms. It was then he felt something poking at him, and then he turned back to see his white-haired temporary house mate poking him with and offering a packet of sandwiches which Allen had just bought from a nearby convenience store.

Kanda hesitantly accepted the sandwiches, and sat down on one of the boxes to take a bite. Allen leaned on the door of the room to start eating dango from the plate of it on his hand.

"So..." Allen said as both started eating. "You're finally moving?"

"Che, obviously," Kanda said while he continued with his sandwich.

"Need any help in moving them?" Allen asked while pointing to some of the boxes in the room.

"Che, none from you at least."

Allen nodded in acknowledgement, though he had already kind of expected the answer from Kanda. Kanda would rather asked a stranger than asking Allen for any help at all. It had been like this since young. The two didn't get really very well after all due to various reasons and mostly whatever conversations they started, it always ended up in a fight or an argument.

And things probably got quite worse when it was decided that Kanda would live with Allen in the same house when Kanda stubbornly refused to live with his adoptive family and his 'irritating' adoptive father Tiedoll when his old house was torn down for renovation purposes.

Which was probably why Allen was relieved too when Kanda decided to move out to a new home. There was a high possibility his furniture might not hold up for long even for one more second they were together under one roof.

"So then..." Allen said after some moments of silence. "When are you going to start moving?"

Kanda paused, then looked up at Allen with a slightly annoyed expression, but answered him nevertheless.

"Che. Tomorrow."

******_**Break****_

Lavi heaved a sigh deeply when he reached the door outside of the club. He was wondering if it was a good idea for him to work today, considering what had happened earlier in the morning that day with his uncle.

However, it would be too late to ask for an off day today, considering he had made another promise to Suman that he could come meet him later again if he wasn't occupied with another customers that managed to beat him to get Lavi's service today.

Taking a deep breath, Lavi reached out for the doorknob and slowly opened the door to enter the club. Once he closed the door behind, he quickly made his way to the bar then to a room, hoping he would not clash with his uncle and boss today. However, his prayers were ignored as he saw his uncle smoking at the bar counter, sitting behind the long bar table with an elbow on the table facing the door. His back was facing the Lavi who just entered.

Hoping that Cross had not noticed him, Lavi quietly tried to make his way to the hallway of the hosts' room when suddenly a sound of loud throat clearing was heard from the direction of where Cross was.

"You're late, baka," Cross said as he turned around to face his nephew. "And face me when I'm talking."

Lavi heaved a sigh again, and slowly turned around to face his uncle. Not to his surprise, Cross had a white plaster on his face to cover up his swollen cheek; the place where Lavi had punched him in the morning.

"So you had the nerve to come back, huh?" Cross said with a tone of slight anger. "Thought ya gonna run away again, baka nephew."

"Well sorry to disappoint you then," Lavi replied sarcastically. "Had a few appointments tonight that I can't just suddenly cancel." And with that, Lavi turned to continue walking to the hallway, clearly wanting to evacuate the scene and avoid any more conversation with his uncle.

"Wait a goddamn minute!" Cross shouted irritatingly at his nephew's attitude.

Lavi heard the shouting and was slightly pissed by the tone and attitude, but he heaved a deep breath to remain calm. He didn't feel like and had no mood to argue or fight with his uncle today. Slowly, he turned to face his uncle and gazed at him with the eyes asking for the purpose of him calling his nephew.

Cross noticed it, and he heaved a sigh. He then turned around to face the entrance again.

"Suman's in Room Seven," Cross said, slightly surprising Lavi. He didn't expect his uncle to let him continue seeing Suman after he had found out he had allowed extra 'services' from a few customers.

"_Don't tell me that whole fucking rape incident six years ago actually taught you that money revolves everything around the whole world?"_

If not for those words Cross had said, Lavi would probably apologize to his uncle right now for the punch.

Lavi narrowed his eye upon remembering those words and continue to walk down to the room where his uncle had said Suman was waiting for him. He didn't realize that Cross had turned again to quietly see him entering the hallway and heaved another sigh.

"When will you grow up, baka nephew..." Cross commented softly as he sat down on a chair and crossed one leg over another.

_****Break****_

Lavi slowly opened the door and entered the room, revealing Suman there sitting on the couch opposite a colleague of his. Both of them are playing chess while waiting for him.

Seeming too engrossed in the game he was in, Suman didn't seem to realize that Lavi had entered till Lavi came over and suddenly moved a white bishop piece of his opponent's side two squares diagonally below the black king.

"Checkmate," Lavi exclaimed, surprising his colleague, Doug, which was sitting beside him. It seemed Doug had a hard time winning before Lavi came, and didn't seem to realize just one simple movement he could have won the game.

Suman, on the other hand, wasn't surprised. In fact, he seemed amused as he looked up at Lavi with a smirk.

"Well hello there Lavi," Suman greeted with a tone of relief and glad. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry I'm late," Lavi said as he nodded to Doug, which Doug took it as a signal to leave the room, which he did. Lavi then replaced the seat Doug was in and took out his cigarette box.

"No worries about it," Suman replied. "I did manage to find some entertainment. That Doug seemed to be quite good for a rookie."

"We used to play chess together at a regular basis before," Lavi said as he took out a cigarette. "Won't be surprised if he managed to beat you too."

"That won't happen," Suman replied quickly and firmly. "He's still not as good as you and I still got a target to beat you."

"I'm sorry but that won't happen too," Lavi said as he put into his mouth and lighted his cigarette, making a puff before he continued speaking. "But please don't tell me we're playing chess again. Looking at chess again after playing for more then two hours in the early morning after work this morning is making me having nightmares about chess. I'm not a chess maniac like you."

"Oh?" Suman raised an eyebrow, more in amusement at Lavi's suggestion. He then moved forward to lean closer to Lavi, with his hands on the chessboard in front of him supporting him. Lavi then felt Suman's face getting close to his, his burning cigarette's length being the distance apart between them.

"Then what do you suggest we do?" Suman said softly and seductively to Lavi, who was glad he had his cigarette smoke in front of him to cover up the alcohol breathe of Suman's. But the meek alcohol smell gave him an idea and Lavi smirked.

"Tell me. Do you know how to play the drinking game?"

_****Break****_

Lavi and his colleague Doug heaved a sigh of relief as they plopped Suman down on the queen-sized bed. Both then started to pant slightly while Suman groaned and shifted in bed, murmuring a few words which the two hosts could not really make up of.

"Damn, he's kind of heavy," Doug commented as he wiped the little sweat he had on his forehead. He then turned to look at Lavi. "How many?"

Lavi took out a cigarette and lighted it as he answered by opening up his palm and revealing all of his fingers in one hand to Doug.

"Just five glasses and he got himself in this state?" Doug exclaimed, surprised.

"He has always been a terrible drinker," Lavi said as he puffed out in relief. "And probably because he drank all his drinks a bit too fast today."

"And you?" Doug looked at his red-haired colleague out of concern. "How about a ride home for you?"

"Oh, no worries," Lavi said as he walked towards the door.

"You sure? You looked really tired. You also had drunk too much didn't you?"

"I'm fine, I'll be walking home," Lavi said as he opened the door. "Sorry, think you can take care of this guy for me?"

"How about you wait for me? I just need to take off his shoes then I can give you a ride home."

"No, really, I'm fine but thanks for the offer, Doug," Lavi said as he turned the knob, but froze when he heard the small murmurs of his name from the drunken Suman.

"Lavi..." Suman rolled over, facing the side, with Doug looking at him with a pair of slightly widened eyes. He then looked back to Lavi, who was still facing the door, unable to see his expression regarding Suman's murmuring. Doug then heaved a sigh.

"Lavi..." Doug tried to say something as the atmosphere has turned into an awkward silence. "You do know this is getting dangerous do you?"

"... What do you mean?" Lavi asked, monotone without turning to face his colleague.

"You do know that if this keeps up... the same thing might happen again. First you had women coming after you. Last year, a man actually came after you, taking your eye away in the process... Lavi, you're getting yourself another dangerous situation here by letting Suman near you."

"... Suman won't do that," Lavi said as he sighed.

"Why are you so sure of that?"

"Because he's got a-"

"Family? Lavi, that excuse is not gonna work. Do you want another family coming after you again saying about you seducing their wife or... husband? There's already rumors about Suman and his wife are on bad terms right now, and Suman having an affair outside. Lavi, who knows what will happen when his wife finds out? These rich people, they can find out anytime; you're putting yourself in danger again."

Lavi kept silent, knowing that what his colleague said was right. He knew all those; he heard from Suman himself, and there was actually no need for Doug to remind him. He knew that the relationship between Suman and his wife was getting heated and fragile. Suman had refused to go home to face her because he knew in the end they would end up quarreling. There was no doubt their marriage was on the edge, and the only thing right now was able to keep them together was only their daughter.

"That's..." Lavi tried to say something to get him out of this argument. "That's... none of my business. I'm just doing my job as a host."

"But Lavi-"

"Enough Doug," Lavi interrupted before Doug could finish speaking. "I'm tired, let me go home." And with that, Lavi opened the door and walked away, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Lavi... at least know this," Doug said with a tone of firmness and determination, but Lavi still kept his back to Doug, refusing to turn back to look at him. "You're probably thinking that your life is not worth living or saving anymore, but thought you should know everyone from the host club, we support you. The boss as well, he's worried, and so are we. We don't want anything happen to you, Lavi. And I'm saying this not as a fellow host, but as a friend, Lavi. So please... be careful and you should treasure yourself more..."

Doug ended with a fading voice, half expected a cold or none response but was surprised when he felt another hand on top of his. He looked up to see Lavi turned to face him with a smile, but Doug could tell it was a fake and forced one, with a hint of sadness hiding behind the falsehood.

"Thanks, Doug," Lavi said as he removed the hand on his shoulder to walk out of the hotel room. Doug heaved a sigh of relief as he heard Lavi entering the lift beside the room, the doors closing behind him.

_****Break****_

"_We don't want anything happen to you, Lavi. And I'm saying this not as a fellow host, but as a friend, Lavi. So please... be careful and you should treasure yourself more..." _

Lavi heaved a sigh and puffed out the smoke as he left the hotel building. He remembered Doug's words. For some reason, they'd been running in his mind, and he chuckled when he remembered those words.

Treasuring himself? He probably didn't know how to do that anymore...

"_The boss as well, he's worried, and so are we."_

Lavi growled softly at remembering those words.

Cross, worried? Yeah, like that would ever happen.

With a click of his tongue, Lavi removed the cigarette from his mouth, dropped it onto the ground and smashed it with his heel before continued walking in the direction to his apartment.

Click.

Click. Click.

"Bingo," said a man hiding in an alley Lavi just passed by as he lowered his camera, with a smug on his face. "Mrs. Dark would be so going to hell for this."

_****Break****_

Lavi smashed the burnt cigarette with his heel; apparently he had took out another cigarette to smoke again on the way home. He heaved a deep breathe when he reached the correct door; apparently satisfied to finally reach home. He was really getting tired. The alcohol seemed to finally take some effect. He quickly reached for the keys in the pocket.

However, before Lavi inserted the key into the keyhole, he paused as he realized something and growled in frustration.

Without using the key Lavi immediately turned the knob and opened the door, narrowing his eye as the sight of a person in front of him was revealed.

"Damn it," Lavi cursed annoyingly as he stepped into the house. "How many times must I tell you not to come into my house without my permission, Yuu?"

Kanda slowly averted his gaze from a file of documents he was reading to Lavi standing by the couch he was sitting on upon hearing the redhead's voice.

"Che," Kanda responded as he closed the file, placed it on the table and stood up to face Lavi with his arms crossed. "What's wrong? Can't visit an old friend? Do you had something to hide?"

Lavi chose to ignore him, and went up to Kanda glaring at him and bringing up a hand with his palm facing the ceiling. Kanda looked at Lavi with an expression of questioning.

"Keys, Yuu," Lavi immediately replied when he saw the questioning look from Kanda. "Hand over the keys you got from that retarded uncle of mine."

"No way," Kanda growled at Lavi's question. "Why should I stop myself from coming to see my lover?"

"We broke up already, Yuu. So stop saying something this disgusting."

Upon hearing that comment, Kanda immediately growled in anger and grabbed Lavi's wrist and pulled the hand to his chest.

"What, did you just say?" Kanda glared at Lavi as he asked. "'Disgusting'? Did you seriously think that way?"

Upon seeing Kanda's anger, Lavi got nervous but he managed to swallow and calm down. He found his voice, and looked at Kanda in his eyes, fighting the urge to avoid the gaze.

"Like I said, Yuu. We... We've already broken up Yuu. Six years ago; so stop saying things as if we are still very close."

Lavi tried to shove the hand grabbing onto his wrist away, but instead Kanda tightened his grip, causing the force on the wrist to slightly pain Lavi. Lavi felt the pain, but chose to ignore it and keep trying to shove the hand away.

"'Broken up'?" Kanda said with a tone of sarcastic. "Wrong, Lavi. I never agreed to that. You selfishly decided that on your own and ran away. This is called escapism, Lavi. Not break up."

"Since when you are so good at using such words?" Lavi said, trying whatever ways he could to distract Kanda to relax the hold he had on his wrist. But that attempt seemed futile.

"Whatever, Lavi," Kanda growled. "Let me just say this. I won't return you the keys. Not yet, Lavi. Till you decided to stop running away and come back."

"'Come back'?" Lavi said as he chuckled. Go back where? He didn't have anywhere to go back to.

"Come back Lavi. Go back to being the old you. At the host club, that fake smile, that politeness, those don't suit you Lavi. You always smile and laugh a lot even to the point of irritating me. I want that Lavi back."

"That's what _you_ want," Lavi said as he stopped struggling, which he probably didn't realize himself. "It's certainly not what _I_ want."

"Damn it Lavi!" Kanda was beginning to yell in frustration. "What's so difficult about going back to becoming the old you? The drive for knowledge, the drive to help people, the drive to always smile and laugh no matter the situation or circumstances, the care for other people, for your friends. That irritating laid-back and carefree attitude? Where did they all go? What's so difficult in getting them back? Tell me Lavi!"

Kanda tightened his grip further, causing Lavi to slightly groan in pain and started struggling to release himself from Kanda's grip again. However, Kanda ignored all these.

"Y-Yuu..." Lavi groaned as he struggled. "P-Please... at least release me..."

"Lavi... What caused you to change... this much? Is there anyway to bring you back?" Kanda said as he rested his forehead on Lavi's shoulder, to Lavi's dismay. "Please... Lavi... Tell me..."

"Y-Yuu... I-" Lavi was about to say something, but stopped. Anything he said right now would probably not reach Kanda. Lavi could see Kanda's resolve in getting Lavi back to his old life. It seemed that no matter how much he refused, how much he rejected him, Kanda was not going to give up on him and leave him alone. Whatever Lavi said was useless right now-

No wait.

Maybe. Just Maybe. There was one way to get Kanda to give up on him.

Lavi heaved a sigh as he looked at Kanda resting on his shoulder. But that sigh was soon replaced by a smirk. Slowly, Lavi raised his free hand to placed it on Kanda's back. Kanda's eyes widened in surprise at Lavi's response, then pulled back to look at Lavi's face.

Lavi was smirking, with a hint of mischief and dark aura from his lone eye. Kanda did not like the look in Lavi's face and eyes. Not one bit.

"Lavi?" Kanda spoke questioningly while looking at Lavi with an expression of confusion. He gasped as he felt Lavi cupping his face.

"I see..." Lavi said as he traced Kanda's bottom lip with his thumb; Kanda's eyes wideing as a result. "So in other words, you just want me? Don't you?"

"L-Lavi, what-"

"But it's not gonna be cheap, Yuu. My normal charges are about £1000 per touches. Kisses are probably about two times the amount each."

Kanda was shocked as he heard those words. Is Lavi seriously knowing what was he saying?

His shock did not stop there. Taking the opportunity, Lavi leaned forward, lips near Kanda's ear and the next thing Kanda knew, Lavi guided his free hand to touch his hips. Lavi smirked when he felt Kanda jumped in response.

"I know, how about some 'special service'?" Lavi whispered seductively at Kanda's ear, sending a shiver down Kanda's spine as he felt Lavi's breathe on his ear. "But like I said, it's not gonna be cheap. Normally it's about four times the originally amount, but for you, as my ex-lover, I can give you a discount..."

Lavi yelped in surprise as he was harshly pushed back by Kanda who was panting slightly to relieve himself of the lustful impulse growing inside him. The Lavi right now was hard to resist, especially when Lavi himself offered to give himself to him...

Kanda shook his head violently, as if trying to shake away the lustful thoughts inside of him. No, that's wrong. This wasn't what he wanted. The Lavi right now wasn't the Lavi he wanted. The Lavi he wanted was the one he had six years ago; so carefree, laid-back, caring, sensible, noisy and... irritating. Not the serious, quiet and seductive Lavi right now in his sadist and host-mode.

Or worse, the whore-mode.

Lavi was trying to make him do something stupid, and he won't fall for that.

Kanda was broken out of his thoughts at the sound of a chuckle from the redhead.

"What's wrong Yuu?" Lavi said as he widened his grin. "You don't want me?"

"I-I-I..." Kanda stuttered, and Lavi continued taunting him when he saw the flushed face of Kanda. Good. He was slowly falling into the trap.

Lavi raised his free hand again to cup Kanda's face, and leaned forward.

"What's wrong Yuu? Can't decide?" Kanda could feel Lavi's breathe across his face. It was then he remembered how sweet the scent of Lavi's breathe was years ago when they were still dating. However, that scent right now was heavily hidden and masked by a strong scent of tobacco and cigarette... "Come on, Yuu. If you want me, just say it, and I'll make sure you will have an enjoyable and unforgettable night."

Shit, Lavi's lips was really closed to Kanda's. All Kanda had to do was just to move forward and their lips would meet each other. Then from the kiss, they could...

Again, Kanda shook his head violently to shake away the lustful thoughts. No! Kanda had a way much better of control of himself than this. He could not and would not give in...

As if it was to further convince himself, he relaxed his hold on Lavi's wrist. Lavi felt it, and took the opportunity to shove the hand away and quickly stepped back instinctively. Lavi then looked up at Kanda, eyes closed, all flushed up and confused. He clenched on his chest where his heart was situated and took deep breathes, as if to calm himself down.

"Hell Yuu," Lavi said as he turned to walk away to his room. "You're even more indecisive than a woman. Even Suman would take less than a minute to decide."

Kanda's eyes were immediately wide opened. It was as if those words had triggered something inside of him, he growled, rushed up to Lavi and grabbed his wrist again.

"What-" before Lavi could say anything, Kanda quickly pulled Lavi only to push him down harshly onto the couch he just sat on. Immediately when Lavi landed, Kanda dropped himself on the couch, landing on top of Lavi, with hands on both sides of Lavi's head and legs tangling with Lavi's.

Lavi looked up with a groan of complain, attempting to glare at Kanda for the harsh treatment but his annoyance was soon replaced by panic when he saw himself below Kanda with Kanda's face very closed to his. He panicked further when he saw Kanda's smirk.

"Y-Y-Yuu?" Lavi stuttered nervously, hoping that Kanda was not thinking what he thought he was thinking...

"You're right, Lavi," Kanda said as he brought one hand to cup Lavi's face. Lavi brought up his hands to remove Kanda's, but Kanda noticed this and quickly used both of his hands to grab both of Lavi's wrists and pinned them with one hand above Lavi's head. Lavi struggled to break free, but it was useless.

"Y-Yuu, what-"

"Like you said, I should decide quickly, shouldn't I? Instead of being so fickle-minded like a girl, I should just decide quickly and do things my way, the way I want, like a man."

As he said those words, Kanda's free hand made its way to Lavi's loose tie at the neck and removed it in one swift movement. However, in doing so, it sent a jolt of panic and fear to Lavi. Lavi's eye widened even further when he saw Kanda slowly moved his hand to the buttons of his shirt, with the obvious intention to remove them.

"No! Wait! Yuu, I- Mmm!" Before Lavi could finish, Kanda quickly shut Lavi up with his lips, harshly smashing them on Lavi's. He bit Lavi's lower lips, which caused Lavi to gasp in surprise, Kanda taking the opportunity to force his tongue into Lavi's mouth. He quickly savaged the insides of Lavi's mouth, ignoring Lavi's lack of response and his moans of protest as he also began fumbling and opened up the buttons of Lavi's shirt quickly.

Lavi on the other hand tried to struggle by using his legs to kick Kanda away, but only ended up in Kanda straddling him to pin him on the couch even more strongly. When Kanda managed to unbutton the last button above Lavi's belt, Kanda broke the kiss, a string a saliva connecting him and Lavi before it broke apart. Lavi panted heavily for air, where Kanda took the opportunity to pull Lavi up to sit up. He then quickly pull the shirt free of the pants, opening up Lavi's shirt to reveal the familiar chest below. Lavi managed to free his hands to try to push Kanda away, but Kanda would not allow it. Wasting no time, Kanda slipped the shirt off Lavi's shoulders until his wrists to bind Lavi's hand, and then pushed Lavi down harshly to lie on the couch. Lavi looked up, fear and panic obvious on his face.

"No! Wait! Yuu! Stop!" Lavi struggled when Kanda leaned down to attack his neck. Lavi tried to turn his head to prevent Kanda from touching his neck, but Kanda grabbed his face with force, pressing onto his cheeks to the point where the cheek inside Lavi's mouth were pressed hard on the teeth.

"Stop?" Kanda said when his lips were on Lavi's neck, sending vibrations across Lavi's skin. "Why should I when you have openly declared that you were willing to sleep with anyone as long as they pay you? Why should I stop when you went through all the troubles to seduce me?"

Lavi tried to shake his head, but the hand gagging him was preventing him to turn and speak. Kanda then looked up at Lavi's eye. Anger and sadness were obvious in those dark eyes of Kanda's.

"What's wrong? Lavi? You said you will make sure I will have an enjoyable and unforgettable night," Kanda said as he released his hold on Lavi's cheeks. "So do what you have to do, you whore."

Ba-thump.

Lavi's eye widened upon hearing those words from Kanda. It immediately sent a spike of fear and panic through his nerves and he began trembling.

"No! Sto-" Lavi tried to protest, but was stopped by another harsh kiss from Kanda again. He moaned in protest, trying with all his might to push Kanda away with his legs but it was futile. Kanda's hands had already travelled down to Lavi's thighs and began stroking a few places. It again caused another spike of emotional distress and Lavi tried to kick the hand away, but he couldn't. Cries of fear and panic were being muffled by Kanda's lips. It was only when Kanda broke the kiss then Lavi found the opportunity to cry out, begging Kanda to stop.

"No! Please! Yuu! Stop!" Lavi cried out, but Kanda ignored it. It was then Lavi heard the sound of his belt breaking free. Lavi desperately tried to struggle with all his might. "Please... stop..."

Ba-thump.

"_Why should I? You seemed to be enjoying this."_

Ba-thump. Ba-thump.

"Please... stop..." Lavi's voice suddenly went softer but audible, and tears were beginning to flow out from his eye.

"_No way, Lavi. Not when I finally have you here, right where I wanted..."_

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump.

"I'm begging you... please... stop..."

"_Come on baby. Scream with all your might. That's right, just like a good little whore..."_

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump...

Lavi's heart began beating at a rapid speed. He began panting rapidly and heavily as if he had an asthma attack.

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump... No... not again... Not another experience of that pain and humiliation. Lavi definitely didn't want that.

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump... No... not again... No matter how much he loved Kanda... he didn't want this.

The cold words, the rough treatment without care.

Trapped and cold with the fear and pain.

Lavi then looked up. And he could see it.

The smirk of darkness and lust. The smirk of the devil. His nightmares. The one who destroyed his life.

And once again, he was going to take everything away from him with himself laughing in enjoyment as Lavi screamed in fear, desperately for salvation.

Lavi could practically feel Kanda lowering his hand, going in between the cloth of his boxers and the skin of his ass... Kanda's lips were traveling down along his chest to his nipple...

Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump. Ba-thump...

"STOPPP!" Lavi screamed at the top of lungs, as if it was for the whole world to hear him.

Upon hearing Lavi's scream, Kanda gasped and pulled back, stopping and removing his hands from Lavi's body. He watched Lavi with widened eyes as Lavi turned to unbind his hands to hold on to his head and started sobbing.

"No... stop... why... does this..." Lavi murmured as he continued sobbing, leaving Kanda stunned squatting in front of Lavi at the egde of the couch.

"Lavi..." Kanda said with a defeated tone as he found his voice, and he reached out with his hand to touch Lavi, but this time only with the purpose of comfort. However, when Lavi realized this, he immediately sat up to push Kanda away harshly with all his might, causing Kanda to land onto the floor, groaning slightly in pain.

"Don't touch me!" Lavi yelled as he quickly dashed towards as his room without waiting for Kanda to recover, ignoring any calling from Kanda.

"Wait! Lavi I-" Kanda quickly stood up to give chase, but Lavi beat him to it by quickly entering his room and locking the door, leaving Kanda outside to keep knocking at the door and calling him. "Lavi, please, listen to me, I-"

"Go away!" Lavi yelled through the door, without waiting for Kanda to complete what he wanted to say. "Go away Yuu! Go away! Don't come near me!"

"Lavi! Please, at least listen to what I have to say-"

"NO! Just go away! Leave me alone!"

"Lavi-"

"JUST GO AWAY!"

Kanda tried to say something again, but this time he stopped himself.

Because this time, he could hear sounds of sobbing coming from the other side of the door.

"Please..." Kanda could hear Lavi murmured while sobbing. "Please... just... leave me alone..."

Hearing Lavi cry was a different story. It sent a spike of pain, anger and regrets through Kanda's heart, and it certainly didn't help when Kanda was fully aware that the one that caused those tears from Lavi, was none other than himself.

Despite promising that he would not hurt Lavi because he loved him too much for it, despite promising that he would save Lavi because he loved him, despite promising that he would do whatever he could to get Lavi to come back to his side because he loved him too much, Kanda made a terrible mistake out of impulse and irrational anger, and before he knew it, he had hurt the one he loved the most. With those forceful hands and rough words, he had hurt the one he loved the most.

Regrets and anger started eating him up as he realized that he had made the one he loved the most cry, which he had swore to do whatever he could to prevent those tears from coming out of that eye of his lost lover. He had made Lavi cry, despite promising to bring back that smile which he had always desired to see.

Kanda gritted his teeth, clenched his fists tightly and slammed his forehead onto the door as he realized his mistake.

What the hell had he done?

Knowing whatever he said would not reach Lavi in the emotional state Lavi was in now, Kanda moved back from the door of Lavi's room.

"I'll come again tomorrow," Kanda said, certain that it was loud enough for Lavi to hear him through the door before he made his way to the entrance door to put on his shoes and left the apartment.

_****Break****_

"Oi, you got sake?" Kanda asked rudely to a middle aged man standing at the other side of the bar table he was sitting at.

"No," Cross immediately answered with a tone of slight annoyance. "And show some goddamn respect, brat. I'm still your elder."

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue as he placed his hand on his chin and tapped his finger on the table with the other hand, seeming annoyed. It was then a small cup of alcohol was placed in front of Kanda, causing Kanda to look up at Cross in surprise.

"Here, your sake."

"Thought you said you have no sake?"

"Said that to irritate you. Learn to show some manners and respect, brat. The next time you're not even welcomed to come into my club, you understand?"

"Che," Kanda replied as he brought up the cup and drank it. He drank it down fast, and then placed it in front of Cross, silently asking to refill it, which Cross complied.

"So... something happened between you and that baka nephew of mine?" Cross asked as Kanda finished drinking his second cup. But when he asked for another, Cross just stayed still.

"Pour," Kanda commanded, but Cross still made no move to do that.

"Not till you answered my question. Like I said, show some goddamn respect."

"Che." Kanda replied with a click of his tongue again, which annoyed Cross. Kanda then turned around for Cross to face his back.

"Enough with that kind of response. Just answer the goddamn question."

Kanda kept silent for some time, but Cross was willing to spare a few seconds it seemed. But just as his patience was running out, Kanda finally started speaking.

"I... I think... I'm..." Kanda closed his eyes as he said the last with words with a tone of defeat and regrets. "I think... I'm giving up."

"On what?"

"On..." Kanda heaved a deep sigh as he spoke. "On Lavi."

Silence occurred between both men for a moment, but soon Kanda felt a hit impact on his head from behind. He dropped his head and hands went up to rub on the spot hit and groaned in pain as an immediate and involuntarily response. Kanda immediately turned around to glare at the older with his little hammer in his hands.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"Oi watch your mouth, brat. Didn't that Tiedoll teach you some manners? Guess he didn't teach you to respect your elders right?"

"Fuck you!"

"I'm willing to apologize if you tell me your last comment was a joke."

"Of course it wasn't real when I said 'fuck you.'"

"Of course I don't mean that. I'm referring to the one before that, you dumb bangs."

"..." Kanda stayed silent this time, remembering his words and understanding that Cross seemed to hit him after he mentioned about giving up on Lavi.

"Let me guess..." Cross said as he sighed and took out a cigarette. "That baka nephew of mine said something, didn't he?"

Kanda stayed silent again as he turned with his back facing Cross as Cross put into his mouth and lighted his cigarette. Although he wasn't facing Cross, he could smell the strong scent of tobacco and cigarette from the smoke Cross had just blew out. But, it was then he remembered that just now, when Lavi was closed to him and when he kissed him, the taste was almost the same...

Upon remembering that, Kanda raised his hand to touch his lips as he remembered the taste of Lavi's lips. Instead of being sweet like before, it was bitter right now, with the taste of cigarette and alcohol masking Lavi's actual taste.

"Oi," Kanda was broken out of his thoughts by Cross' calling. "I'm asking a question here, brat."

"Che. Fine, Lavi did said some things," Kanda replied with a tone of annoyance. "But... I also... did some... things..."

"What did you do?" although he couldn't see his face, Kanda was fairly certain he could feel Cross' anger and suspicion, glaring him from behind.

"Lavi... he tried to seduce me. So... I..." without continuing, Kanda once again, felt the same impact from Cross' hammer on his head again. Kanda held onto his head and groaned in pain, turning and glaring at Cross again.

"You bast-"

"Shut it, brat. This time you're the one in the wrong. Though I admit that baka nephew of mine was also wrong in the first place. Did he say anything about charging for you for touching him or something?"

Kanda looked at Cross with an expression of shock.

"How did you-"

"That idiot has been doing it for the past few years. He mostly offered to his regular customers here. I've already warned him about breaking the club's rules here he still doesn't listen..."

It was then Kanda remembered Lavi's words about how he had charged some of his customers for touching him, kissing him and having a 'special service' from Lavi...

Kanda clenched his fists and growled in anger upon remembering those words. Had Lavi really done it? Those 'special service' he mentioned to other men? Kanda's face reddened in anger and his body tensed and flared up with jealousy and rage. How could Lavi-

Another hit on his head by the hammer.

"Fuck! What is it this time!" Kanda practically yelled at Cross for hitting him for the third time.

"That one, is to calm your stupid head down," Cross said as he finally put down his hammer and puffed out his smoke. "Are you serious about giving up on Lavi?"

Kanda went silent again, and quickly turned around when he could smell Cross' cigarette. Great, he hated that smell. And now, for some reason, he hated it more.

"I... I don't know," Kanda managed to murmur those words out, and was actually prepared for another hit on his head. But to his surprise, none came. Instead, he heard a deep sigh from Cross.

"I wouldn't advise on that though," Cross said with a slight tone of defeat. "If it's me, no matter what mistake I did, I won't give up... but can't say the same for you because you didn't know _that_ happened..."

"What? What happened?" Kanda immediately turned and faced Cross with a serious face this time.

"... Six years ago," Cross started his story, but hesitated before he started. "When my pops received word that Lavi had withdrawn himself from the university, he had me go check on him. I went to his house the next day... Guess what I saw?"

"... What?" Kanda gulped as he asked. He hoped nothing bad happened...

"That idiot tried to kill himself."

"What?" Kanda yelled out for the second time that night, causing the other people around the pair to turn and stare at Kanda who had slammed the table and stood up quickly while yelling. "You... You're kidding me, right?"

"No I'm not," Cross however managed to stay calm under Kanda's shock and outburst and answered. He then apologized to the people around for the noise and used force to push Kanda to sit down by grabbing his head, earning another murderous glare from Kanda.

"Now I fucking know why Tiedoll hate you so much," Kanda commented when he sat down.

"Then tell him for me that the feelings are mutual."

"Whatever. Just tell me, what is this about Lavi trying to kill himself?"

Cross looked at Kanda seriously, then looked behind him to make sure no one tried to listen to their conversation before continuing.

"It's just like I said. One night, I received a call from my pops from Russia that he had received word from the Harvard University where he had connections in there, that Lavi had suddenly out of nowhere decided to withdraw himself a place reserved for him in the Medical School. He felt something was wrong, so he had me go check on Lavi the next morning."

Cross looked at Kanda, who nodded impatiently, telling him to hurry up with the story.

"When I reached there and knocked on his door, he didn't come and answer me. I waited for quite a long time. Unfortunately for Lavi, I'm not a very patient person so I had the landlord of the place to open up the door for me. And I went in..." Cross' voice faded for a while when getting to the most important part, hesitant in his speech.

"And?" Kanda growled in impatience.

"Lavi didn't answer me when I went in either. I checked his room, the bathroom and then the kitchen. That's where I saw it. Lavi was lying on the kitchen floor, unconscious, and beside his hand was a knife covered in a pool of blood, wrist was obviously being cut opened not too long ago."

"You don't mean-"

"Seeing how much blood was lost and how pale Lavi's face was, I had no choice but to bring him to a hospital," Cross could see Kanda's widened eyes, not surprised by the reaction. Just as Kanda was about to open his mouth to speak, Cross beat him to it. "Lavi was fine, obviously. If not you wouldn't be able to see him now. According to the doctor, there was no danger to Lavi's life because I managed to bring him for treatment on time; any seconds later could really put his life in serious danger."

"B-But why would Lavi do that? Why would... he..."

"Don't look at me like that. I tried to get him to talk. But he wouldn't say anything else to me other than asking me why the hell did I save his life for."

"W-Why didn't that Moyashi and Lenalee tell me anything about this?"

"Because they did not know that such thing happened too. Apparently I stayed with that baka nephew of mine in that hospital, and I didn't know anyone of you that time. So naturally I did not think of telling to either of you guys. And apparently, that Lavi made me promise not to tell any of his friends about this, in exchange for not making any more attempts on cutting his life away again and heading for Russia to find my pops."

"Then why are you telling me this?" Kanda, shocked by hearing such a story, couldn't really think straight right now as his heart beat rapidly out of panic and worry.

"Baka, can't you tell?" Cross puffed out his cigarette again and mashed it on an ashtray this time. "You just said you're giving up on Lavi. Now tell me, now that you heard this story, you still planning on giving up? Are you still planning to leave Lavi alone, standing without anyone by his side while he continued fighting against his fears and past?"

Kanda just froze, widened eyes still on Cross as he settled down to his chair, trying to absorb the information and story Cross had just given him. True, Kanda knew about Lavi's self-mutilation, but he did not know that Lavi had actually tried committing suicide. He even hid it from Allen and Lenalee, which he understood why; both of them would have panicked and get overly worried.

But still, he had heard from the couple that after a few months, there were signs that Lavi was feeling better as they tried whatever they could to cheer him up and get him to see a doctor and counsellor. But Lavi just suddenly left one day without a word, leaving all his friends confused and panicked at the same time. And with Cross' story, it seemed that it was just out of the sudden that Lavi lost all hope and decided to end his life. It was as if something had happened in between that had caused Lavi to act this way; a sudden spike change in Lavi's attitude and emotional balance, towards the cold, dark and negative direction.

But... what the hell had happened?

_****Break****_

Kanda strolled down the street, thinking hard and being in his own world of thoughts. He had left the club and was heading home as it was getting late.

"_Well... I guess you need some time, do you? Just take your time to think about it, though I wouldn't advise you to. It may not look like it... but who knows when will Lavi started thinking of stupid, crazy and dangerous things again. Seeing his emotional state, I would suggest finding your resolve and determination soon before... it's too late."_

Cross' last words before he left were running in his head as he walked, with Kanda seriously thinking about it.

Kanda understood the meaning behind Cross' words. He understood why Cross decided to tell him this even though he made a promise to Lavi not to. He understood why Cross was trying to convince him not to give up on Lavi, no matter his mistake a few hours ago and no matter the circumstances and no matter how much Lavi tried rejecting him away. Because no matter what had happened, there was one thing for sure.

Lavi needed help. He needed to find some way to face his past and put behind everything that had happened and continued to live his life to the fullest. He needed to face everything in order to move and look forward.

And he couldn't do this alone. It was a difficult psychological battle that no human could be able to win on his own. He needed someone to stand by his side and face all these harsh and cruel battles in order to win them, overcome them, and live his life in any way he wanted after that. And the best person to do that... was Kanda himself.

It had been proven by Lavi's psychiatrist and Cross that Lavi still had feelings for Kanda, Lavi still loved him, and thus there was a high possibility that Lavi wanted to fight this psychological battle together with Kanda.

But seeing how Lavi rejected him with all his might... and most importantly what he had just done... Kanda did not know if he had the heart and willpower to face Lavi anymore. He had hurt the person he loved the most, and in the most harshest and most cruel way.

But still...

Shit what the hell should he do-

A bump from a stranger broke Kanda out of his thoughts. The stranger glared at him, expecting an apology but Kanda ignored him. Just as the stranger was about to call him, Kanda managed to glare back with the most scariest face he had, and successfully scared the stranger away, even earning an apology from him. The Kanda right now was getting really irritated, and anything else coming in his way was definitely gonna make things worse for him.

And it definitely did not help Kanda when he realized where he had walked to without realizing himself.

He almost couldn't believe his eyes. So lost in his thoughts that Kanda had actually just walked purely on instinct, letting his legs taking him wherever they want. And right now he slightly regretted it as he found himself landed in front of the building he had just left a few hours ago.

Kanda raised his hand to rub on the area between his eyes, trying to soothe his headache and tiredness. It seemed his legs and body figured out that Kanda wanted to see Lavi desperately, to apologize for his earlier actions and maybe asking Lavi about what Cross had just told him about. But facing Lavi right now seemed to be so difficult to do it, let alone talking. Kanda heaved a deep sigh as he thought about that.

But then, it was then he realized that there was something wrong. There was something missing. Both of his hands were strangely empty, as if he was supposed to be holding on to something important.

And of course it was something important. It was the file of documents he needed for work tomorrow morning! Kanda cursed himself for realizing that, and for forgetting something something this important. Those were important documents needed for the day after tomorrow's court and settlement, and without those Kanda might as well kiss his job goodbye. And not to mention his adoptive father's company might get into trouble for it...

Damn, he needed to get up to Lavi's home and retrieve them. However, Kanda was hesitant, seeing what he had just done to Lavi. But still, after some thinking, Kanda changed his mind about walking away and decided to make his way up to Lavi's home.

There was a high possibility that Lavi was sleeping right now, so there was a high possibility that Kanda could retrieve the documents without Lavi knowing that he had come by.

With a sigh of regret, Kanda hesitantly, but surely made his way into the building, legs aiming for Lavi's apartment.

_****Break****_

Kanda quietly opened the door, fearing any noise might suddenly woke Lavi up. Considering what had happened, it was best they did not meet each other yet. It might be considered running away, but still it was the probably the best course of action right now. Not for himself, but for Lavi.

Kanda quietly closed the door and entered, tip-toeing into the living room, preparing to grab the documents and leave the apartment as soon as possible.

But just as he entered, he heard the sound of the shower running from the bathroom. Kanda looked towards the source of the sound, silently cursing. He certainly didn't expect Lavi to be awake at this hour to be taking a shower. He had thought Lavi was really tired, seeing how he even left his job early that night after taking Suman to the hotel. (Well, Kanda didn't know that though)

Without tip-toeing this time, Kanda then quickly made his way to the living room now, sounds of his footsteps hidden by the sound of the running shower. It seemed like Kanda had found the need to get out quickly if he wanted to avoid any contact with Lavi today. He then grabbed the file he saw on the table and then quickly made his way to the entrance door, sighing mentally in relief. However, Kanda suddenly paused in his footsteps and froze as he passed by the kitchen. Kanda thought he had saw something not right so he turned to see what was inside the kitchen that made him stop.

But, he was not prepared to what he had seen. Kanda's eyes widened fully and mouth gaped as he spotted something disturbing on the kitchen floor.

…

A pool of blood.

"What... the... hell..." Kanda stammered as he stared hard in shock and panic at what he saw. But his anxiety did not stop there.

Suddenly, there was a sound of glass breaking, coming from the direction of the bathroom. Kanda jumped and his heart skipped a beat in shock upon hearing the sudden sound and then turned to look towards the bathroom.

"Lavi?" Kanda said in his normal volume of the voice, which was normally sufficient enough for the sound to pass through a door and even a shower. However, no response came, causing Kanda to slightly panic when he remembered the pool of blood and the sound of the breaking glass, and most importantly, Cross' words about Lavi's attempt of suicide six years ago.

"LAVI!" Kanda practically shouted this time, dropping his file on the floor and dashed towards the bathroom door. Kanda banged on the door as he called for Lavi. "Lavi! Lavi! LAVI! Open the door!"

However, still, no response came. Kanda was beginning to get overwhelmed by panic and fear.

"Lavi! Open the door this instant!" Still, no response. Sounds of the running shower still continued. "Damn it Lavi! Open the door before I knocked it down! Did you hear me? Lavi! I'm knocking it down if you don't open the door this instant!"

No response for a few moments again. For the first time in his whole life, he found the sound of a shower running really annoying, and his patience grew very thin and he finally decided to knock down the door. Focusing all his weight at one point, Kanda banged against the door, hoping to force open it.

It didn't matter if Lavi wasn't gonna like it that he was here again in Lavi's apartment without Lavi's permission again. It didn't matter if Lavi wasn't gonna like it that Kanda tried to get close to Lavi again. It didn't matter if Lavi wasn't gonna like it when he found Kanda trying to save him and see him in a pathetic state.

Because right now, what mattered the most was Lavi's safety. All Kanda needed was an assurance, that Lavi was right now, safe and sound.

With these thoughts in mind, Kanda once again tried to knock down the door.

After the third attempt to knock down the door, Kanda's prayers was finally answered.

"Wait!" Kanda paused and stopped in his position he had taken to bang down the wall upon hearing the voice, from inside the bathroom.

"Lavi?" Kanda called out again; he had to make sure. "Lavi, are you-"

"What are you doing here again, Yuu?"

Lavi's voice... it sounded so... tired... and weak.

"I thought I told you many times not to come into my apartment without my permission."

Kanda slightly heaved a sigh in relief. It didn't matter if Lavi was gonna reject him. As long as Lavi was safe, then to Kanda, that's enough.

"I..." Kanda tried to say something, which he thought he better explained himself before Lavi started misunderstanding, considering what had happened before between them. "I came to get something I forgot. I thought you were asleep, so I never meant to disturb you... So..."

"If you're done, then leave," Lavi said quickly as Kanda was about to complete his sentence. Kanda looked up at the door again, noticing the coldness behind those words, meaning Lavi was really wanting Kanda to get out of his sight. Now he hated him this much...

He heaved another sigh, and then turned around to pick up his file, preparing to leave. But as he picked up his file, he couldn't help but noticed again, the pool of blood in the kitchen. As he stared at the pool of blood again, he couldn't help but felt his stomach swirling at the sight, with disgust, fear and worry.

Was this... how Lavi had lived for the past six years? For the past six years, he had been in such an emotional state? Where he had to fight against his own fear by mutilating and hurting himself? By crying all night long and being haunted by nightmares almost every night?

"_Now tell me, now that you heard this story, you still planning on giving up? Are you still planning to leave Lavi alone, standing without anyone by his side while he continued fighting against his fears and past?"_

Kanda sighed again as he remembered Cross' words. There was an obvious hint that Cross was asking him not to give up, to continue chasing Lavi and save Lavi in whatever ways he could. But after what he had done to Lavi earlier that night...

"_Listen Ba-Kanda. What good does it do us all right now if all we did was blaming ourselves, each other or anyone else. Right now, the most important thing we should do is to help Lavi whatever way we can, and we cannot give up."_

Kanda closed his eyes and cursed mentally as he realized of all times, he actually had to remember that Moyashi's words. But...

"_No matter how much Lavi rejects us, no matter how much Lavi sends us away, no matter how much he avoids us, we must never surrender to all these and never give up to bring back the Lavi we all know, and to give Lavi the happy life he deserves it just as much as us." _

Damn it. Kanda hated it when what Allen said was right. Lavi definitely did not deserve living such a life of hell. Lavi definitely didn't do anything wrong to go through and suffer like this. Lavi was so kind, so caring, and so considerate back in their high school days. Unlike him, everyone liked him being so carefree and helpful and enthusiastic. So why the hell must Lavi suffer like this, living in the cold and darkness and fear?

Lavi definitely deserved to live happily in a warm and loving world, more than anyone, at least more than Kanda himself, with his dreams fulfilled and staying with the ones he loved and cared for and the ones whom loved and cared for him as well...

"_Seeing his emotional state, I would suggest finding your resolve and determination soon before... it's too late."_

Remembering Cross' last words, Kanda clenched his free hand tightly, while his the other one held onto the file he had more tightly.

However, it wasn't long that he finally relaxed his hands, and then opened his eyes. Right now, Kanda's eyes was full of determination, free of confusion and filled with inspiration. Immediately, Kanda turned and walked towards the bathroom to stand right in front of the door.

"Lavi," Kanda called out to Lavi, loud enough to make sure Lavi had heard him.

"Yuu, I said go awa-"

"I will leave," Kanda replied firmly this time, this time him being the one interrupting Lavi before he finished. "But before that, let me say some things first. I promise, I will leave after that and I had no intention of leaving till I say whatever I wanted to say."

When Kanda finished, he waited for some time for Lavi say something, but no response came. Kanda took the silence as a consent to continue, and he heaved a deep breathe before speaking again.

"Lavi, I know you are doing whatever you can to make me give up on you. I don't know why you wanted to do this; it was clear as crystal that you were trying hard to avoid me, to reject me, to make me forget about you.

"But Lavi, have you ever wondered, that it is precisely because you had never give me a reason, that's why I couldn't accept it? Did you actually expect me to give up on you, without you giving me a good and understandable reason for me to do that? Even if you hate me a lot, give me a reason and I will leave your sight.

"But you never did. You've never given me a reason to give up. You've never give me a reason to stop pursuing the only one who was able to complete my world, Lavi."

Kanda paused, hoping to get some response from Lavi, signaling that he had heard and understood him. But none came and Kanda heaved a sigh again before continuing.

"You never give us a reason, and we had no reason to give up. However, on the other hand, we got a reason _not_ to give up, Lavi. After seeing you in such an emotional state, after seeing you trying to hurt yourself, do you expect us to do nothing about it? Lavi? Did you actually expect us to just standby and watch and do nothing while you go through such a life? Such a life which we can see nothing but hell in it?

"If you've really thought that, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. I have decided, Lavi."

On the other side of the door, Lavi's lifeless eye was slowly opening up and becoming more alive as he heard Kanda's words. Kanda's words were loud enough for him to hear, indicating he was somewhere near the other side of the door. Lavi, who was sitting down just by the door, leaned back, resting the back of his head on the door.

As Kanda continued talking, Lavi could feel it. Kanda was so close, but he was afraid. He was too afraid to reach towards the voice. He was so afraid of getting close to the voice that he decided against going near it. He regrettably found himself trying to get further away from the voice.

But still, as Kanda continued speaking, he couldn't help but continued wished he had the courage to reach for it. The voice, Kanda, was so near... yet so far as well.

"Lavi," Kanda's voice once again, surprised Lavi and brought him life again. "I shall not give up."

Lavi's eye this time was widened fully, as he turned back to stare at the door. Was Kanda seriously-?

"From this moment on, I will go after you till the end; I will chase you till you decided not to escape, ever again; I will pursue you till you finally give up on resisting me. Even if you run I will always seek you out and run after you till you stopped and come and stay by my side, just like in the past."

"... Yuu?" Lavi whispered when he heard those words. Those words, were suddenly so familiar...

"I won't stop till you've become mine again, Lavi."

Lavi gasped softly and froze upon hearing those words. It was then he remembered. Those words of confession. Those words of confirmation. Those words of determination. Kanda had used similar words when Kanda had confessed to Lavi about liking him in high school and had declared that no matter what happened, he would not give up on getting Lavi to stay by his side.

And once again, Kanda made that declaration, that he would not give up this time too, on saving Lavi, and getting Lavi to come back and stay by his side again, completing his world.

While Lavi was in a trance processing what Kanda had just said, Kanda had already made his way to the door. But before that, Lavi had heard Kanda saying one last thing before he left.

"I had left the keys on the table. I won't be coming in without permission again. But that only means I won't be needing them to get you back. I will save you, Lavi, in whatever way I can. That, I can promise."

And with that, the sound of Kanda closing the door could be heard. Lavi realized this, and immediately stood up and opened the bathroom door. He entered quickly the threshold between the bathroom and his living room and stayed as he stared at the entrance door.

When he noticed Kanda won't be coming back again, he turned and found the keys on the table, just like Kanda said. But for some reason, a feeling of regrets was suddenly in his chest, and Lavi held onto his bare chest as he fall and landed on the floor. Tears were soon coming out of Lavi's eye.

"Yuu..."

**End of Chapter 5**

Please note: this will be my LAST update before May. That's right, unfortunately I will be having my exams in May so my next update will be in June, regrettably.

Woah! So sorry for the super long chapter! Was thinking since I have not updated so long and won't be updating for another long time, I better show you guys some long progress on the story. However, if you did find it too long, tell me about it in reviews or PM and I will try my best to shorten and edit the chapter to a more acceptable length.

Once again, as usual **PLEASE REVIEW**.

Pretty please try to? Especially if you are gonna favorite/alert/found any mistakes that should/must be edited asap.

Alright then, will try to update asap as I can

till next time,

August-chan =)


	6. AN NOT a chapter

For those who have been following my stories, I'm so sorry. But I can only continue writing in December, as I'm facing my examinations from end November till early December. As a university student, my grades are my deciding factor whether I can survive in the society in the future and despite knowing that, I failed 3 modules last semester. -.-  
Hence, it is essential that i used this semester to catch up on my studies and grades as much as I can.

So be disappointed all u want, as a human, i cannot possibly sacrifice my future for writing. however, u can continue to review or PM if u wanna rush me or something. to me, these are great motivations despite times like this and it always never failed to make my day =)  
So if u wanna complain, i welcome them all but do keep in mind that it wont speed up my updates till the 8th December. Haha =X

But in case u guys wanna know, here are my progress:-  
1) Memories aren't Everything; chapter 19 - 85%  
2) My World Is Never Complete Without you - 10%  
3) I Just Need You By My Side - 35%


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